Full Of Hope Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Pure, Do you mind if I ask what happened? I've been the OW for just under a year, and I have high hopes for my relationship. Your poem was...wow...something I hope I never have to face. Just wanted to hear your story...if you're up for it...
dobler33 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 yowza, you ain't kiddin, white flower. i've seen some seriously heated and disrespectful stuff already, and i just joined. i was so excited when i found this forum because i so badly needed to know that i wasn't the only person who has found themselves in such an impossible and painful situation. i'm a bit more circumspect and wary now, having realized that not everyone is here to support others.
White Flower Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Don't let that stop you from posting. OWs and even some thoughtful BS will support you. They'll give you their heartfelt perspective and hopefully you can sift out and ignore the spiteful ones. They still don't get that they actually distract you from doing what they want which is to end the A and get you to see the err of your ways. Not saying you erred, just sayin'. So, keep on posting til you've worked out all your feelings and issues.
dobler33 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 my A is over, and i'm coping with all the conflicted feelings involved, including guilt and shame. and lots of folks seem to just want to beat OP's over the head with the fact that they done wrong. as if the pain and suffering wasn't enough! jeez, y'all. this woman, pure, has totally exposed her most vulnerable self to you and you want to tell her how she's erred? can't we do better than that?
White Flower Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 my A is over, and i'm coping with all the conflicted feelings involved, including guilt and shame. and lots of folks seem to just want to beat OP's over the head with the fact that they done wrong. as if the pain and suffering wasn't enough! jeez, y'all. this woman, pure, has totally exposed her most vulnerable self to you and you want to tell her how she's erred? can't we do better than that? Yes we can. What BS's don't seem to get is that it was great pain that made us google the question that brought us to this website. We had inner turmoil and we suffered. They just want to make sure we also know how much they suffered, too, and I can accept that. It does hurt on both sides of the MM. But they need to remember, too, that we were told promises and our heads were filled with confidences and that we believed we would not be betrayed by our bond as well. MM do this to both sides, playing them against each other. Check out Gamine's thread, Our Sisterhood. She seems to try to get all the perspectives without stone-throwing. Herenow is another good one to take seriously. What is most interesting is that most keep their H's and all the benefits that go with that and they won. I wonder if they keep that in mind as they throw their stones. Others get divorced but are happy to be rid of a serial cheater and worse. Sometimes they even throw stones. Despited this I have bonded with a few and have great respect for them. They know who they are and I am happy that they can overcome so much pain while trying to understand all sides of the picture. We can learn from these.
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