wierdmunky Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Or when do you return stuff back, actually. A week? 2 weeks?
thegoodlife Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 It really depends. I've had some breakups where I handed them all their sh*t the day of, and others where months went by before we finally did the exchange. If you're wanting to return stuff then just call or text and let them know you are/ask when is a good time to. And if you're wanting stuff back, then same thing just ask for it.
Okfine Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 As soon as you want to cut ties for good. If you must send or ask for stuff back, the sooner the better.
Author wierdmunky Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Well I have mine, and some of his stuff. I'm not sure how to give it back. He just says don't worry about for now.
Okfine Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Weirdmunky did you break up with him or he broke it off with you?
Author wierdmunky Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I say do it as soon as possible. why would he say just hang on to it for now?
Okfine Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Reason I asked was because sometimes people want to hang on to have an "in" or a reason to contact in future. I don't think it's healthy because while he may move on you may still be holding on for hope that he wil change his mind. When he then contacts for stuff back and to snoop on how you are doing you realize you were waiting he's moved on. It just prolongs your healing, I think... but there is no right or wrong really.
Author wierdmunky Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I see that coming. At the same time, I wonder why he would want to use that to contact me. It wasn't a bad break up and if he wants to call or talk to me, it's not like he can't. His stuff is like a resemblance of "us" though, so if he does ask for it back sometime when he's already over me, I just hope he doesn't have another girl lined up or I would be crushed.
Okfine Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Givng stuff back is very final. People need reasons to come around when they feel they were wrong if they are not 100% sure. Most people really aren't a 100% when they break up, there is always a small precentage of doubt . Holding on to stuff is an easy in, just in case they do change their minds. But again, this is just an intepretation I am not saying he is doing this.
Land Shark Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 why would he say just hang on to it for now? Because it's difficult. All the more reason to get it over with.
Juno Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I left a pair of handcuffs over at my ex. They are not expensive (maybe $40), and I probably will not have a need for them with anyone else, but I just hate the thought of leaving them with him for him to use with someone else. Should I ask for them back or let it go and let him use them in good health with his next gf?
Land Shark Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 If you happen to have the key, I wouldn't worry about it.
Citizen Erased Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I left a pair of handcuffs over at my ex. They are not expensive (maybe $40), and I probably will not have a need for them with anyone else, but I just hate the thought of leaving them with him for him to use with someone else. Should I ask for them back or let it go and let him use them in good health with his next gf? If you ask for them back he is going to think you want them to use on another guy. I don't know your situation, could be a good thing, could be a bad thing.
Joker77 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 The night my ex broke up with me, I asked for my stuff back that night. I didn't want to have to deal with her again. She put my stuff in a bag and left it at her front door.
Juno Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 If you ask for them back he is going to think you want them to use on another guy. I don't know your situation, could be a good thing, could be a bad thing. yeah...this is the reason I haven't asked for them back...didn't want him to immediately think I wanted them back to use on another guy. But they are mine...suppose to be my toy for my pleasure. Leaving them there, in time he will surely make use of them. I also think because they are not valueable, asking for their return may appear petty, or worse yet he may think I'm using it as an excuse to contact him again. I just don't want him using my toys with another girl. He can go out and buy his own toys.
Juno Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 If you happen to have the key, I wouldn't worry about it. No such luck...I left the key with the handcuffs in his night table, next to his bed for easy access. It's killing me to think about this NOW.
Okfine Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Stop thinking about it Juno, they are a lost cause. He will be using more than handcuffs on another girl so why torture yourself with those thoughts? Forget about the handcuffs you don't need them back. He will do things to other girls it's what people do when they move on and you should try to wrap your head around that, get really angry or sad, accept it, and then dismiss the thought and on to better happier thoughts! It's hard but accepting the reality of things is a healthy way to let go.
Juno Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Stop thinking about it Juno, they are a lost cause. He will be using more than handcuffs on another girl so why torture yourself with those thoughts? Forget about the handcuffs you don't need them back. He will do things to other girls it's what people do when they move on and you should try to wrap your head around that, get really angry or sad, accept it, and then dismiss the thought and on to better happier thoughts! It's hard but accepting the reality of things is a healthy way to let go. Since you put it that way...moving on
t0ri Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Ya, I dropped all my ex's stuff off at his apartment in a garbage bag (which he coincidentally walked outside while I was trying to secretly do). I found one more shirt and a hoodie he loves. I want to just throw them away, but should I drop them off again? I'm not about to text him or call asking if he wants them back.
Excellent Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Givng stuff back is very final. People need reasons to come around when they feel they were wrong if they are not 100% sure. Most people really aren't a 100% when they break up, there is always a small precentage of doubt . Holding on to stuff is an easy in, just in case they do change their minds. But again, this is just an intepretation I am not saying he is doing this. I think this is very true. My ex went through the roof when i told her to come pick up some furniture (for the 7658743 time), this was 5 months after the break and right after she told me she had a new bf. I just said "oh good, then he can hold on it", and *BOOM*. When i explained to her that i never felt we were going to be done between us she said "fine, fine, i'll come and pick it up". Since then...not a word, and a piece of her furniture still stands, sigh.
EmperorR Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 as soon as possible the only reason why you hold onto them is because you think there coming back false hope, i held onto cards, gifts etc.stuff for my ex fiance for like 5 months then the day I got rid of them was like a burden lifted off me. This time i got dumped the very next day I shipped everything federal express
Author wierdmunky Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Thx for the replies! entertaining Yes, I was thinking of dropping them off at the front door of his house, but thats almost too close for comfort, and I definitely don't want him opening the door as I lay his stuff there. Then, what I do. I still have his helmet - his "symbol" for not taking any other girl on his bike. It's like he's leaving them with me for a reason, his helmet & camera (which his ex gave to him...) aren't cheap so I don't know if he's just being lazy or what. I don't want to think these things anymore, but doing that almost feels like the whole thing meant nothing or was a waste of time. ugh!
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