Author White Flower Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Well WF, Can you blame these guys for thinking that you are wicked hot? And BTW, it's not always women that get hit on, I'm having trouble with a neighbor, who would like nothing better than for me to "come over to her house for coffee', or "could I please fix her leaky shower head", or "She's too weak to clean her gutters",........ breathless, and chest(ample) heaving. My junk says yes, my mind says no, thank God I know which one to listen to. Aw thanks BJ! And yes, thank God you do know which one to listen to! Especially when it (seems to) happen all the time. That must be tough on a guy who DOESN'T know which one to listen to. But I'm glad you do. Lyssa, yes it is rude! They've only been married a very short time and have determined their new lovely brides are not enough for them. How sad. JJ, yes it does say a lot more about the hitter than the hittee. That is why I started this thread. It just seems there are philanderers everywhere and anywhere. I was so oblivious to all this before I met exMM. Life was so much more innocent then. And I was no Spring chicken when I met him.
taylor Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I've been hit on by three married guys, one engaged guy and the OM, who split with his live-in girlfriend a couple months into the affair. The first married guy was about 20 years older than me. We worked together. He told me I reminded him of his wife when they first met. He asked if he could kiss me. I told him to go home and kiss his wife. The second married man was a lawyer, just a couple years older than me. We worked together from time to time. We left a meeting and a group of us went to a local fast food place for a bite to eat. He offered to drive me back to my car but decided to take a detour on a back road. As he took my hand and attempted to force it into his crotch, he told me how his wife didn't understand him...how she was beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside. I grabbed my hand away and jumped out of the car. He later apologized for his behavior. The third married guy was a total stranger who approached me in broad daylight in a grocery store parking lot. As I was getting out of the car he approached me and said, "You would be a good ****." I was terrified. I ran from him but not before I caught a glimpse of the wedding ring. The engaged guy was a coworker. While at a going away party for another coworker, he asked if I would have sex with him. I told him I don't have sex. I am a virgin and want to keep it that way. He backed off quickly and said, "Sorry. I didn't know." And then the OM..the only one to hit on me since I've been married.
NoIDidn't Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 So I go to the auto store today and buy some supplies for my car. The young clerk is more than happy to help me find just what I need. After he rings me up he says, 'I'm sure you hear this all the time, but you have the most beautiful eyes.' I thanked him and looked down at his left hand when I noticed a giant, glistening wedding band and walked away. I haven't read the thread yet, but this struck me as odd. I get compliments all the time and don't think that the giver is trying to hit on me. Maybe he just thought you had beautiful eyes like he said? I think you have read far too much into it. A nice, married, and extremely helpful clerk simply doing his job and making sure that you had a positive experience. Sounds like he was doing his job, to me.
wildsoul Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I haven't read the thread yet' date=' but this struck me as odd. I get compliments all the time and don't think that the giver is trying to hit on me.[/quote'] I agree that there is a difference between innocent friendliness, even a little flirting, and someone who is being sleazy. That came up the other day when I was out at a restaurant with a girlfriend. 2 guys (no wedding rings) kept trying to catch our eye. No big deal. But my friend got all offended, "Eww, those men are staring at us. Creepy!" Trust me, there was nothing creepy going on. But she always thinks the worst of men. That says more about HER and her fears than about the guys. It goes both ways.
Author White Flower Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I haven't read the thread yet, but this struck me as odd. I get compliments all the time and don't think that the giver is trying to hit on me. Maybe he just thought you had beautiful eyes like he said? I think you have read far too much into it. A nice, married, and extremely helpful clerk simply doing his job and making sure that you had a positive experience. Sounds like he was doing his job, to me. I didn't share the whole story. He rang me up at the cash register, then followed me out to the front door watching me walk the whole time. At this point it was a little creepy. Then he told me to have a nice day. But I didn't bring up the thread to talk about receiving a compliment or the creepiness of MM hitting on women. He may very well have been innocent. I brought it up because cheating MM seem to be everywhere all the time striking at women whenever possible. I was looking for an answer as to how many women have been hit on by a MM.
Author White Flower Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I agree that there is a difference between innocent friendliness, even a little flirting, and someone who is being sleazy. That came up the other day when I was out at a restaurant with a girlfriend. 2 guys (no wedding rings) kept trying to catch our eye. No big deal. But my friend got all offended, "Eww, those men are staring at us. Creepy!" Trust me, there was nothing creepy going on. But she always thinks the worst of men. That says more about HER and her fears than about the guys. It goes both ways. I agree with you, it does say something about her. I never used to take a compliment as being hit on when I was younger. I just thought guys were being nice to me. The few MM that hit on me during that time were blatant about wanting to have an affair so I knew their intent. Now I see things a little differently after my experience with exMM although I try to keep in mind that not all MM have an agenda when giving a compliment.
NoIDidn't Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I didn't share the whole story. He rang me up at the cash register, then followed me out to the front door watching me walk the whole time. At this point it was a little creepy. Then he told me to have a nice day. But I didn't bring up the thread to talk about receiving a compliment or the creepiness of MM hitting on women. He may very well have been innocent. I brought it up because cheating MM seem to be everywhere all the time striking at women whenever possible. I was looking for an answer as to how many women have been hit on by a MM. Now that's (the bolded part) different. Its beyond doing his job to walk you out the door and then gawk at you. LOL. Your basic premise on cheating MM being everywhere, is true, though. Especially in my community (person of color, regardless of what color it may be). Now it may say more about me, than about the men, but I just tend to not think that men are hitting on me with normal flirting. I had on workout clothes and made a quick stop at a store with my kids for jelly the other day. A man at the door said "damn, girl!" when I walked by and came into the store and started following me. At that point, my kids basically told him their dad was "with" me, so to speak. It was hilarious, to say the least. I guess men just get shut down because I usually have a child with me (a child that can talk, lol), so they don't get to go as far as really coming on to me. Maybe that's a good thing. Hmmmmm.......LOL
D-Lish Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Sadly, it happens all the time. Especially on online dating sites. I used to own a lingerie store, and married men would come in to buy lingerie for their wives and then ask me out! Even worse, tons of men would come in and buy one set of lingerie for their wife, and another for the mistress. It happens at least twice a month- same thing at my new job. A man and his wife were in one day with their kids, and the man came back alone the next day sniffing around asking me to dinner. Sad.....
Author White Flower Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Now that's (the bolded part) different. Its beyond doing his job to walk you out the door and then gawk at you. LOL. Your basic premise on cheating MM being everywhere, is true, though. Especially in my community (person of color, regardless of what color it may be). Now it may say more about me, than about the men, but I just tend to not think that men are hitting on me with normal flirting. I had on workout clothes and made a quick stop at a store with my kids for jelly the other day. A man at the door said "damn, girl!" when I walked by and came into the store and started following me. At that point, my kids basically told him their dad was "with" me, so to speak. It was hilarious, to say the least. I guess men just get shut down because I usually have a child with me (a child that can talk, lol), so they don't get to go as far as really coming on to me. Maybe that's a good thing. Hmmmmm.......LOL Yes, kids are a great MM barrier! LOL. And that may be adding to my new awareness of the issue since my kids are much older now. I guess they see a cougar.
hopesndreams Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 When someone tells me I have pretty eyes I take it as a compliment and nothing else. Just because someone gives you a compliment doesn't mean they want to hop in bed with ya but that's my mindset and would hate to go through life thinking every compliment was an invitation to a relationship. For goodness sakes, you weren't at a bar you were at the auto store! Why didn't we get the whole story right away? Why the elaboration later?
fooled once Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 When someone tells me I have pretty eyes I take it as a compliment and nothing else. Just because someone gives you a compliment doesn't mean they want to hop in bed with ya but that's my mindset and would hate to go through life thinking every compliment was an invitation to a relationship. For goodness sakes, you weren't at a bar you were at the auto store! Why didn't we get the whole story right away? Why the elaboration later? I totally agree. Since when is a compliment a come on?
D-Lish Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I totally agree. Since when is a compliment a come on? How often do you go out of your way to complimemt a stranger? What are are motives if/when you do?
NoIDidn't Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 How often do you go out of your way to complimemt a stranger? What are are motives if/when you do? Personally I do it alot. You never know when your truthful and sincere compliment is the difference between their worse day ever and just a bad day. Sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. If one takes everything as a come-on, that one must have a ego the size of TX.
Author White Flower Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 When someone tells me I have pretty eyes I take it as a compliment and nothing else. Just because someone gives you a compliment doesn't mean they want to hop in bed with ya but that's my mindset and would hate to go through life thinking every compliment was an invitation to a relationship. For goodness sakes, you weren't at a bar you were at the auto store! Why didn't we get the whole story right away? Why the elaboration later? Well, you must not have read the whole thread because these questions have already been answered. The elaboration later came because someone asked the same questions you just did. It seemed to satisfy her but it doesn't seem to satisfy you so whatever. I know the difference between a compliment and a come-on, thus the point of this thread. It wasn't a life-altering experience, but one that lead to me asking a question. If you can't answer it, then go over to the threads that ask for your judgment. I'll repeat myself again: But I didn't bring up the thread to talk about receiving a compliment or the creepiness of MM hitting on women. He may very well have been innocent. I brought it up because cheating MM seem to be everywhere all the time striking at women whenever possible. I was looking for an answer as to how many women have been hit on by a MM. FYI, men hit on women in many more places than in bars.
Author White Flower Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 Personally I do it alot. You never know when your truthful and sincere compliment is the difference between their worse day ever and just a bad day. Sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. If one takes everything as a come-on, that one must have a ego the size of TX. I agree wholeheartedly. I gave a girlfriend who thinks every guy is after her just because they smiled at her. Good intuition tells you the difference between an innocent compliment and a come-on.
hopesndreams Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I brought it up because cheating MM seem to be everywhere all the time striking at women whenever possible. Oh no, I will have to watch out for that! Been married the last 10 years and have only been on my own for a month and if this is what is really happening, I need to be prepared. What would be the best course of action? Oh, don't bother answering that....I already know the answer...I turn and walk away. FYI, men hit on women in many more places than in bars. Thanks for the enlightenment and I will be sure to look my very best even when I go shop for toilet paper.
D-Lish Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Personally I do it alot. You never know when your truthful and sincere compliment is the difference between their worse day ever and just a bad day. Sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. If one takes everything as a come-on, that one must have a ego the size of TX. Is it just a compliment that means nothing? Really? So I am to assume that if it was your partner "innocently" making a comment to another person(s)... you wouldn't care one bit?
NoIDidn't Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Thanks for the enlightenment and I will be sure to look my very best even when I go shop for toilet paper. LOL, oh, don't look your best, they'll ignore you then thinking you are high maintenance. Men hit on me most when I am looking my worst. Married or otherwise.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 The third married guy was a total stranger who approached me in broad daylight in a grocery store parking lot. As I was getting out of the car he approached me and said, "You would be a good ****." I was terrified. I ran from him but not before I caught a glimpse of the wedding ring. I can relate to the grocery store experience! Don't know if this man was married but he'll definately think twice before he tries to pick up a strange woman in a parking lot! I was running into the store one morning after carpool. Old jeans, t-shirt, no make-up, hair pulled up. Three guys are standing by a car and I recognize that they work for the company that my husband runs. I knew the supervisor so I smiled politely and nodded. One guy starts after me, "hey, I'm about to go on break, wanna take a ride." I couldn't resist. I had the biggest grin and walked up to the supervisor with my hand out and said, "hi, X, IWWH". I didn't quite have it out of my mouth before he realized who I was. He was laughing hysterically, shaking his head at the other guy who now is looking worried, saying "What???" The supervisor says, "man, you might start looking for a new job, you just hit on the VP's wife!" I laughed as I walked away, "have a great day boys!" Don't ya know that stories still being told!
Author White Flower Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 Is it just a compliment that means nothing? Really? So I am to assume that if it was your partner "innocently" making a comment to another person(s)... you wouldn't care one bit? It would be interesting to know for sure. My ex wasn't one for complimenting women but when he complimented his A partner, boy I knew it! Yeah, I cared.
Author White Flower Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 I can relate to the grocery store experience! Don't know if this man was married but he'll definately think twice before he tries to pick up a strange woman in a parking lot! I was running into the store one morning after carpool. Old jeans, t-shirt, no make-up, hair pulled up. Three guys are standing by a car and I recognize that they work for the company that my husband runs. I knew the supervisor so I smiled politely and nodded. One guy starts after me, "hey, I'm about to go on break, wanna take a ride." I couldn't resist. I had the biggest grin and walked up to the supervisor with my hand out and said, "hi, X, IWWH". I didn't quite have it out of my mouth before he realized who I was. He was laughing hysterically, shaking his head at the other guy who now is looking worried, saying "What???" The supervisor says, "man, you might start looking for a new job, you just hit on the VP's wife!" I laughed as I walked away, "have a great day boys!" Don't ya know that stories still being told! Ouch! He learned a hard lesson that day!
NoIDidn't Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Is it just a compliment that means nothing? Really? So I am to assume that if it was your partner "innocently" making a comment to another person(s)... you wouldn't care one bit? LOL. Funny you take me for the jealous type. I'm not. That, and I know him so I know what's innocent and what's not. Telling some woman she has "beautiful" eyes is innocent. Staring at her while she goes into the parking lot is not innocent. By most people's standards anyway. I'm surprised D-Lish, that you took offense to my innocent and honest answer. LOL
Lyssa Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 WF, yeah... I asked them how would they feel if their new brides did the same thing. They didn't have an answer to that!
Author White Flower Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 WF, yeah... I asked them how would they feel if their new brides did the same thing. They didn't have an answer to that! That's because they think they're entitled. I'm sure they were truly stunned to imagine the reverse could ever happen!
OWoman Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I think it's pretty clear at the time if you're being complimented or hit on - sure, some people's radar is broken, but most people get the message pretty clearly. I get hit on often by guys - S and M, though I don't pay much heed to their status as the fact that they're hitting on me disqualifies them from consideration at the outset anyway. In find it arrogant for some random to assume I'd be interested in him - if I was interested, I'd have let him know. I'm not suddenly going to find him attractive just because he wants to bed me - what kind of desperate is that, anyway? I think hitting on women - especially hot women, and that doesn't necessarily mean painted or primped women, women can be at their hottest without warpaint - is something hard coded into male genes. And the guys that are most successful at it, get to spread their genes for the next generation, and the next... so evolution favours the bold.
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