t0ri Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I know exactly why I shouldn't spy on my ex's facebook and myspace pages, but it's really difficult. Especially since I know his passwords to everything! I have a question though, what is the point of making MY myspace and facebook private so that he cannot see it? So what if he looks? I guess I'm a little afraid that if he can't see that last piece of me, then I'll be forgotten sooner than otherwise. Not that he even looks anyway...probably doesn't.
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I know exactly why I shouldn't spy on my ex's facebook and myspace pages, but it's really difficult. Especially since I know his passwords to everything! Why shouldn't you? I'm curious. If you have his passwords, why do think you shouldn't use them?
LadyV Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I asked my XBF to block me from FB. This was about 10 days after we got in contact again...(I am now in NC!! 7 days and going strong!) The reason why I asked him to block me is so that I wouldn't go by. I had gone by one day after we agreed to be friends to find a female on there that he was speaking too. I asked who she was, even though it was none of my business. He told me just a friend....I wanted to know what was going on... Fast Forward 2 weeks. I had set up a false account, I was repeatedly checking his site, as well as hers, to find my worst fears that yes, he and her were going out on a date. This is when I hit rock bottom and decided I need to turn things around for myself!!! I went complete no contact, asked him to delete my number and that I never wanted to hear from him again. He didn't know that I was stalking his site...after all, I didn't want to seem crazy, although that is exactly what I was doing!!! I closed all my email accounts that I had, and opened up a new one. I even went as far as called my telephone company and had his telephone number blocked and I can't receive texts or phone calls from him. I can still contact him, but trust me, I won't!!! I am not going to open that door that I had to close to just protect myself. I have not been by his site since. No fake accounts, or anything!!! This was horrible of me to do, and I was acting desperate and so forth....But in the end, it just makes me feel so much worse!!! I haven't been by her's either...her's is public and I just don't want to hear about how happy in love she is with someone I care about...and how she's giddy and blah blah blah!!!!!! Today is 7 days NC! I am so glad too. As each day passes, it is getting better...I still have my moments, but I'm keeping very busy and staying away from the things that I know will end up brining me down....to include contact with him and creeping his FB!
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 The reason I was asking about why spying is "wrong" is that it's really, ultimately, just getting more information. And information can be good, right? "Knowledge is power" and all that. Now, what we do with that knowledge once we have it is another thing entirely. And I admit to being reduced to tears and/or rage when I see that "Mr Monogamy" is banging every girl under the age of 21 whom he can find. BUT, I'm still glad that through the wonders of technology, and some people being attention whores and putting everything/everyone they do online for the whole world to see, that I know what he's doing. Because during the relationship, he was all, "You you you and me, and us, and we we we and monogamy is so important to me, and if we ever split up, I'd be devastated, and I can't even imagine being with anyone else because you're so important to me, and blah blah blah. And if I ever do break up with someone, I always go through a mourning period, and a time when I don't sleep with anyone else, out of respect for my ex." And somehow it just never rang true. So then when I dumped him, and he not only screwed anything with a vaj within 100 miles of his home, but also put these exploits online... Well, it helped confirm to me that he wasn't telling the truth during the relationship. Importance and seriousness and respect, my bum. My instincts were correct - but without the social networking trail he's leaving in the wake of his sluttery, I wouldn't have any proof of being correct. And I'd wonder, and I'd doubt myself. Also I think it's funny to see him go through these girls, and they pretty quickly stop talking to him and then start messaging with some other guy. I like to watch this, electronically, from a distance, and laugh.
You'reasian Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I know exactly why I shouldn't spy on my ex's facebook and myspace pages, but it's really difficult. Especially since I know his passwords to everything! I have a question though, what is the point of making MY myspace and facebook private so that he cannot see it? So what if he looks? I guess I'm a little afraid that if he can't see that last piece of me, then I'll be forgotten sooner than otherwise. Not that he even looks anyway...probably doesn't. Chances are he probably doesn't care if you guys are ex-es
You'reasian Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Also I think it's funny to see him go through these girls, and they pretty quickly stop talking to him and then start messaging with some other guy. I like to watch this, electronically, from a distance, and laugh. I'm guessing a guy who dates younger women probably isn't looking for a serious relationship (with them). I'm thinking some guys know that younger females tend to be more flighty.
Nuala83 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 "Fast Forward 2 weeks. I had set up a false account" LadyV I just laughed out loud when I read this. I did the exact same thing a few weeks ago to check on the other womans facebook to see what messages he was sending her. Nothing too suggestive but it was far from innocent. And that's when I crossed the border into crazy! I strongly recommend that anyone else out there who's doing the cyber spying thing stops it immediately! I know it's not easy and yeah I did it too but once you stop you start to get better...verrry slooowly. I will NOT become Glen Close in Fatal Attraction!!!!
Author t0ri Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Why shouldn't you? I'm curious. If you have his passwords, why do think you shouldn't use them? Because it's only hurting me. I'm killing my curiosity, but I'm killing myself as well. I'm spying on his phone call records and such to make sure that he's not talking to other girls. And guess what...he HASN'T, until three days ago. Now he and a GIRL have been texting all day and night. It made me feel a little better at first to know he was not talking to girls, but the pain it brought me seeing him texting some other girl all day and night when that was ME three weeks ago, KILLLLLLLLLED me beyond belief. Absolutely NOT worth the limited satisfaction that he was NOT talking to other girls before now. I haven't cried in the three weeks since he has dumped me AGAIN, but today, I bawled my eyes out ALL D A Y because I knew he replaced me with someone to even TEXT all day and night. Even if it's for a few days. Then you find out one little thing, like me for instance, I found out he was texting a female and became obsessed today over who it was. I found out her name, but I have no clue who she is. And frankly, it's absolutely none of my business and my nosey-ness will only hurt me. I'm done looking at that crap...or at least I'm going to try to be as of today! Definitely NOT recommended. I'm better off imagining the worst possible scenario I could imagine him in, than knowing exactly what he's up to or who he's talking to. Those type of thoughts are better than reality, because justifying them only hurts you ten times worse than you already felt. I KNOW that if I keep obsessing or wondering about my ex's every move or who he's talking to or hooking up with next will only delay my getting-over-him. Seriously. No matter how it makes me feel to know all that, he's out of my life and I have to move on WITHOUT HIM or his current actions. Whyyesthankyou, it did make me feel better knowing his every move, and most of it, if not all that I know of, was totally innocent - making me feel rest assured. But he's none of my business anymore. I have to let go of what he's doing and who he's talking to in order to fully get over, and let go of, HIM. He doesn't give a crap about what I'm doing, so why the heck should I care what he's up to? It feels good to know, until you come across something you did NOT want to see. Not worth the nosey-ness. You're right, he probably doesn't care enough to look at my page (although three weeks ago he told me he looked at mine all the time prior to speaking again), but what is the point in blocking it so HE CAN'T? DAY 22 of NO CONTACT!!!! & still feeling like ****. But normally tonight, I would've checked his email and everything else, but tonight...I'm turning it off as soon as I finish this sentence and going to bed. Night!
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 You're right, he probably doesn't care enough to look at my page (although three weeks ago he told me he looked at mine all the time prior to speaking again), but what is the point in blocking it so HE CAN'T? Hi - sorry, I think I hijacked your thread for a little while there. Have been slightly unhinged today - no doubt a semi-psychosis fueled by my e-stalking. In terms of your question, I guess the main reason for blocking your page from his view would be to drive home the point that since you're broken up, your personal life is no longer his business, and you don't want him to have access to that information. What if any message he takes from your blocking him might depend on how you maintain your privacy settings. Would you allow everyone except him to see your details? Or would you disallow everyone, except for "friends"/contacts you allow? I think some of these points of internet/social networking etiquette will probably get worked out more over time. At the moment, we're all going through a weird transitional phase from being able to break up with someone and really cut them out of your life, to breaking up with them but still potentially having them see what you get up to on a Saturday night, who you're with, what conversations you're having with them, etc. It's kind of creepy. This is part of why I'm not on MySpace, Facebook, etc. I try to keep my IRL stuff IRL, and minimise my online social presence as much as possible. I'm aware, though, that that's partially because I'm paranoid about what use other people may have for my personal information. And I'm further aware that part of my paranoia stems from how I use other people's info. I'm doing it again... talking about my issues in your thread. But here's another answer to your question about why you should block an ex from seeing your details: because it's entirely possible that an ex, being a little bit strange, might find out who one of your new friends/partners is, and might find out where they live, and might sneak around there in the night to see if you're there. You just never know where a creepy ex might turn up.
loser101 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I don't use myspace but on facebook privacy settings guarantee you complete privacy if you wish. I took some time out to go through every single application/setting/etc and if someone is not on my friend list, they can't even see whether I exist - if I wish it that way. it's really easy
LadyV Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 So, I have my XBF's sister on my FB. My XBF blocked me as I requested. I remember him telling me at one point that he could see my posts to his sister's status, or whatever, but I couldn't see his postings at all. I can't even go by his site... Then all of a sudden yesterday I went by her site, because she commented on one of my photos. I commentedon her status, to then get an alert on my phone telling me that He had commented on her status. I thought it was a mistake, and I went by and did see that yes, he was responding to something I wrote. I said, "Wow, "Im staying out of it!" Then I quickly deleted it because I dind't want him to think I was replying to him. But he jumped the gun and called me a "chicken" I was doing just fine until this happend. BLAH! Why is it that now I can see his comments? Did he unblock me? I dno't care. I'm not going by his site and not going to talk to him....If I have to keep my distance from his sister, then I will.
LadyV Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 "Fast Forward 2 weeks. I had set up a false account" LadyV I just laughed out loud when I read this. I did the exact same thing a few weeks ago to check on the other womans facebook to see what messages he was sending her. Nothing too suggestive but it was far from innocent. And that's when I crossed the border into crazy! I strongly recommend that anyone else out there who's doing the cyber spying thing stops it immediately! I know it's not easy and yeah I did it too but once you stop you start to get better...verrry slooowly. I will NOT become Glen Close in Fatal Attraction!!!! EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not crazy and am not going to act like it either.
BackonTrack2 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 What you are doing is unhealthy and not good for your well being. If it is to the point where the only form of contact you have with your ex partner is the notion of watching his FB or MS page then its totally over. To be Clear, When my relationship ended about 2 years ago. I deleted everything that reminded me of that female. Facebook, digital photos, clothes, paper(s), everything. I now have nothing less. I did too good of a job. I then became depressed for about 8 or 9 months. In any event, I would check my EX's FB account once in a while, even though I had her blocked. I learned some rather intersting things a) she stopped hanging out with her friends. b) she stopped going to school It was sort of like my hobby, because I stilled cared and well I had no other way to check up on her. After about 4 or 5 months of having her blocked, I unblocked my account. During this entire period, MY EX never changed her profile but within 48 hours of me unblocking HER, she changed her status to "In a relationship". It tells me that she was a) looking at my profile this entire time (why I do not know) b) she wanted me to know she was in a relationship. c) she must of also still had feelings for me despite the fact she was cheating on me for a good 8 months before I caught her and despite the fact, we had no contact for an additional 7 months. Eitherway, all it did for me was push me back for about half a second and I told myself to not check her FB page again. The point I am trying to make is: Checking up on your EX through the internet will only hurt you. and It will delay your healing process. The reason you can know see his comments is because he changed his privacy settings and he allowed you to see it. He knows you are looking and thats the message he wanted to send.
CaliGuy Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I know exactly why I shouldn't spy on my ex's facebook and myspace pages, but it's really difficult. Especially since I know his passwords to everything! I have a question though, what is the point of making MY myspace and facebook private so that he cannot see it? So what if he looks? I guess I'm a little afraid that if he can't see that last piece of me, then I'll be forgotten sooner than otherwise. Not that he even looks anyway...probably doesn't. Spying, as you call it (or internet stalking as I call it) is bad for someone in the process of healing. Trust me, no matter what the dumper is doing, you can't handle it right now. The actions of cyber stalking is the same as sitting by the phone waiting for them to call or following them around in town. What good does it serve? How does it help you heal? What good can come of it? The person who truly wants to heal will not cyber stalk at all, but simply let the dumper be free to live their lives so that you, the dumpee are free to do the same. Simple concept to understand, difficult to implement.
loser101 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I was doing just fine until this happend. BLAH! Why is it that now I can see his comments? Did he unblock me? I dno't care. I'm not going by his site and not going to talk to him....If I have to keep my distance from his sister, then I will. his blocking you doesn't mean he won't see you through a third party. yes you should avoid his sister and his friends. his name is likely to come up in conversations isn't it so best to avoid them
Cora Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I finally stopped and I feel so much better. Why put yourself through the torture? You are most likely going to find something that you don't want to see and then wish you wouldn't of looked to begin with. It was so hard for me to stop because it became so addicting but I'm sure glad I did!
You'reasian Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Because it's only hurting me. I'm killing my curiosity, but I'm killing myself as well. I'm spying on his phone call records and such to make sure that he's not talking to other girls. And guess what...he HASN'T, until three days ago. Now he and a GIRL have been texting all day and night. It made me feel a little better at first to know he was not talking to girls, but the pain it brought me seeing him texting some other girl all day and night when that was ME three weeks ago, KILLLLLLLLLED me beyond belief. Absolutely NOT worth the limited satisfaction that he was NOT talking to other girls before now. I haven't cried in the three weeks since he has dumped me AGAIN, but today, I bawled my eyes out ALL D A Y because I knew he replaced me with someone to even TEXT all day and night. Even if it's for a few days. Then you find out one little thing, like me for instance, I found out he was texting a female and became obsessed today over who it was. I found out her name, but I have no clue who she is. And frankly, it's absolutely none of my business and my nosey-ness will only hurt me. I'm done looking at that crap...or at least I'm going to try to be as of today! Definitely NOT recommended. I'm better off imagining the worst possible scenario I could imagine him in, than knowing exactly what he's up to or who he's talking to. Those type of thoughts are better than reality, because justifying them only hurts you ten times worse than you already felt. I KNOW that if I keep obsessing or wondering about my ex's every move or who he's talking to or hooking up with next will only delay my getting-over-him. Seriously. No matter how it makes me feel to know all that, he's out of my life and I have to move on WITHOUT HIM or his current actions. Whyyesthankyou, it did make me feel better knowing his every move, and most of it, if not all that I know of, was totally innocent - making me feel rest assured. But he's none of my business anymore. I have to let go of what he's doing and who he's talking to in order to fully get over, and let go of, HIM. He doesn't give a crap about what I'm doing, so why the heck should I care what he's up to? It feels good to know, until you come across something you did NOT want to see. Not worth the nosey-ness. You're right, he probably doesn't care enough to look at my page (although three weeks ago he told me he looked at mine all the time prior to speaking again), but what is the point in blocking it so HE CAN'T? DAY 22 of NO CONTACT!!!! & still feeling like ****. But normally tonight, I would've checked his email and everything else, but tonight...I'm turning it off as soon as I finish this sentence and going to bed. Night! Tori, you have a love-hate relationship with this guy. You feel good when he's single and go crazy when he's seeing someone. NC is definitely the way to go if you're trying to get over someone - and as tough as it is, its probably the best way. Have you considered going out and trying to meet some new friends? Who knows - you might meet your next guy.
LadyV Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Then you find out one little thing, like me for instance, I found out he was texting a female and became obsessed today over who it was. I found out her name, but I have no clue who she is. And frankly, it's absolutely none of my business and my nosey-ness will only hurt me. I'm done looking at that crap...or at least I'm going to try to be as of today! Definitely NOT recommended. I'm better off imagining the worst possible scenario I could imagine him in, than knowing exactly what he's up to or who he's talking to. Those type of thoughts are better than reality, because justifying them only hurts you ten times worse than you already felt. I KNOW that if I keep obsessing or wondering about my ex's every move or who he's talking to or hooking up with next will only delay my getting-over-him. Seriously. No matter how it makes me feel to know all that, he's out of my life and I have to move on WITHOUT HIM or his current actions. I so know how you feel!!!! I knew who my XBF was talking to and even started stalking her site. I couldn't see his comments to her because he had me blocked, so I made the fake account. I could fully see conversations, flirtations, and plans being made. Wow, I felt horrible, like I swallowed a frog, like I was going to lose it. That was when I had to put a stop to it all. I closed all fake accounts, and stopped going by hers all together. I have nosey friends, and got a text last night telling me her site is now private. Much better for me. I hadn't gone by there, so I wouldn't know. I sometimes wish my friends wouldn't tell me that stuff. I know that they are looking out for me, but I have since told them, I don't want to know anything about him or her. DAY 22 of NO CONTACT!!!! & still feeling like ****. But normally tonight, I would've checked his email and everything else, but tonight...I'm turning it off as soon as I finish this sentence and going to bed. Night! I am putting my focus on other things now, after my XBF was commenting on his sister's site and I could see it, I am staying off it it. I just can't do it. And knowing that he was directly talkint to me? Makes it even worse. Keep up the great work!!! NC will hopefully get easier with time. This is only the 2nd breakup I have had where I have had to go no contact. My first love and I stayed friends after our break up, how we did it, I don't know. Then, my XH and I have to be civil because of our children. Good luck to you!!! God Bless!!!!
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