UCLAMike Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Just venting here. Does anybody else here feel like the feelings of hurt, despair, hopelessness, anxiety, paranoia, just being scared, insecure... all those good old feelings keep coming back just when you thought u were getting better? It's been 9 month for now now, 2 months of NC. My idiocy led me to constantly break NC, thereby receiving harsher treatment and hurt. If I didn't break NC I wouldn't be in this bad of a state. Ughhhh I hate feeling crappy like this. Everyday is sad and gloomy, but bearable. Then I get these intense anxiety and fear come up. It hurts like heck. It lasts for a few minutes. Then it subsides back to just being sad and gloomy. Then I'll be fine for a week, then same thing happens. Next time a month. Same thing happens. I thought I was completely healing. Nope. I just had one this week after not having it for a while. It frustrates the crap out of me. What is it about breaking up anyway? I guess I really really loved her and gave her everything.
notalone Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Think about the harsh treatments. I understand you love her. But do you not love yourself??? Don't break the NC...don't get on you knees for someone who doesn't give a ****.Give yourself half the love you feel for her.Think about your parents, siblings, friends....think what they would feel if they saw you calling and begging. Dont get sad. Get angry.
PinkToes Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Yup. I hate it too. The ups & downs and the times it all comes back to bite you as if the breakup just happened. But hopefully those days are getting further apart for you, and I know we're getting closer to the end of the sadness. In the middle of the night, it looks just as dark at 1 a.m. as it does at 4 a.m., but the process of grieving always takes you toward sunrise. And then all of a sudden, there you are, and the night is over... just a distant memory.
thegoodlife Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Hey Mike, I'm sorry to hear you're still going through this man. I think we've all been there at one point in our lives or another. The hardest break-up I ever went through took me a year before I even started to move forward; and even then, it was hell and I had a lot of work to do. It messed me up bad. But here I am a few years later and I can definitely say I'm in a much better place now, though it took me a long while before I even got moving. The best advice I can give, is to keep up the NC-- it's vital (as I'm sure you've learned), and just focus on yourself and your life. I know you're at a point where it seems impossible and neverending, but I can promise you that it ends. Slowly, but surely. It won't happen all at once, you won't wake up one day and all those feelings, and urges to contact her and whatnot will be gone, but you will find that those feelings are few and far between until ultimately one day they are all gone. (It seems this already starting to happen for you, you are fine for a bit until you're not. It's all part of the healing process.) You will always have the memories and those will never go away, but soon they will be nothing but nice memories...not something you long for. Keep your head up, keep strong, and post here as often as you can for support.
Author UCLAMike Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 im feeling the pressure and fear inside me right now. Like I am traumatized and scared as hell of the unknown. I've been getting a lot of thoughts in terms of how life is so short and meaningless. how were all getting old so fast etc. im just really really hurt and scared. i never felt this way before. i dont know what to do at moments like these. i was fine a month ago. but this recent few days have been hell for me.
PinkToes Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Hey Mike, I'm sorry you're going through such a rough patch. Does it feel like a sort of stomach-churning anxiety, or more like disturbing thoughts? Are you able to distract yourself in the moment, to break the pattern, or is it really hard to redirect your thoughts? One of the ways to help get past the times when it feels like you're getting sucked in is to literally say STOP out loud, and then force yourself to think about something else. If you feel consumed by the sad thoughts, you can keep a list of things to think about that are more pleasant, like good memories (that don't involve the ex). If it's a runaway train of anxious or negative thoughts, try to stop and then force yourself to concentrate on something else, like a news article or a crossword puzzle. Also maybe go out and exercise really hard. And if you haven't cried in awhile, that could help release some tension. Try to focus on the next thing in your day, and then the next, and know that this will go away eventually. Sometimes it's all we can do to just hold on and wait it out.
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