gopher Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 After a good first date, when should a guy call or write? Is it ok to send a couple line email the next day thanking her for the date...and then call a couple days after that? Does it change things if you have already set up date number 2? On LS, I've seen women get overwhelmed with too much contact and some who wonder if he's interested with too little contact. What's the happy median?
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Personally, I like a short, sweet email the next day. That and a follow-up call a couple of days later sounds excellent (ideally to make plans to see her again). It's clearly showing interest without being overwhelming. If you've already set up date number 2 (for which you get bonus points, by the way!!), I still think the day-after "thanks, i had fun" email is appropriate and good. But a call at that point might be reaching into "smothering" territory. If you've already made plans, and you've thanked her for the nice first date, I think the best course of action is just to live your happy, busy life and then be on time for your next date.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I would like a nice simple text asking that I had gotten home safely. Then maybe 2-3 days, later a phone call about a second date. As long as you don't make us wait all week for a call, we won't go hysterical.
Trialbyfire Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 gopher, I would worry less about what she might want and more about your comfort level. This is the time to set expectation levels v. worry about reeling in the woman. For example, if you start contacting her everyday and she's comfortable about it but it's a lot of effort on your part, how long do you feel you can maintain that level of contact, if it's not inherently you? Be yourself gopher. As for teeing up the next date, give her a couple of days notice to firm up plans. Calling the day of the date is only acceptable, if there's a valid reason for it and it's explained in advance, like trying to wangle difficult tickets, etc. Push/pull inconsistency and procrastination, only causes uncertainty in dating, thereby giving the impression of low interest.
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I would like a nice simple text asking that I had gotten home safely. I don't like the same day/same night text. It feels smothery - to me. (Things might be different if there were actual reason to believe I might not have gotten home safely, such as extreme weather while driving, etc.) Also I've found recently that guys who text the same day/night seem to be doing it as a knee-jerk reaction, almost perhaps to "finish things off" (even if they say, "That was great! We'll do it again soon."). It doesn't take much effort on the guy's part to text before they've even gotten home. I'm much more impressed when they show they remember and are thinking about me positively the next day. But - I agree with TBF that different people have different preferences and levels of comfort. Papercut & I have already shown you a difference in a sample size of just two people! Yep, consistency and politeness are ultimately the key to success. Treat her as you'd want to be treated.
Author gopher Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Thanks all for the advice. Sent her a very brief email today and got a very nice email in return.... TBF, you've hit the nail on the head, in the past it's been all about making it work for "her"...but, I'm totally being myself and she told me how easy I was to be with just being myself. The last thing I need to do with my life going so well is to get wacked out over a woman...no offense to the wonderful women of LS:p....So it if something comes up that doesn't feel right, I'm going to pay attention to it.
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