SophieA Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Hello all. If you've read my story before you know that my bf is off at med school while I am here in Chicago working full time and going to school part time. We've been talking pretty much every day since he's been gone and he's been as sweet and loving as ever. He's been telling me that this distance has really solidified his feelings for me more than ever...that he can't wait to see me, misses absolutely everything about me etc. I just logged onto my facebook and saw that he had been tagged in some pics over the weekend. He's partying in all of them and obviously drunk. There is a girl (who he says is doing his roommate) hanging on him in one of the pics. (To his credit, she does have lots of pics with his roommate, even some rather creepy ones...him grabbing her boobs and what not) I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable. And frankly it makes me CRANKY and a little jealous that he has time to party every weekend (which he has been doing since he left) while going to med school on his parents' dime. I want to bring it up, but then again I don't. I don't want to sound whiny or insecure b/c I really am not. This girl is certainly not as cute or in shape as I am (not to sound vain) and I DO see lots of pics where she is hanging all over his roommate and kissing him etc. So how would you deal with this?
northstar1 Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Hello all. If you've read my story before you know that my bf is off at med school while I am here in Chicago working full time and going to school part time. We've been talking pretty much every day since he's been gone and he's been as sweet and loving as ever. He's been telling me that this distance has really solidified his feelings for me more than ever...that he can't wait to see me, misses absolutely everything about me etc. I just logged onto my facebook and saw that he had been tagged in some pics over the weekend. He's partying in all of them and obviously drunk. There is a girl (who he says is doing his roommate) hanging on him in one of the pics. (To his credit, she does have lots of pics with his roommate, even some rather creepy ones...him grabbing her boobs and what not) I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable. And frankly it makes me CRANKY and a little jealous that he has time to party every weekend (which he has been doing since he left) while going to med school on his parents' dime. I want to bring it up, but then again I don't. I don't want to sound whiny or insecure b/c I really am not. This girl is certainly not as cute or in shape as I am (not to sound vain) and I DO see lots of pics where she is hanging all over his roommate and kissing him etc. So how would you deal with this? Do you trust him? If so, then I wouldn't worry about it. You are transferring your stress over him being long distance into not wanting him to be out and having fun without you. WHile I understand the feeling, I'd try to understand from your end why you are having it. If he hasn't given you any reason to worry, then you likely have no reason to worry. Med school or not, he's entitled to have some fun as well, and the pics from what you described seem harmless enough - they sound like most other drunken party pics you see on facebook.
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Mmm, yes. I woudn't be too concerned just on the basis of a few pics of a drunk girl flirting with your man. Particularly since it sounds like most of the pics of her involved her boyfriend. I've seen some party pictures on Facebook where virtually every picture from a party has the same drunk girl kissing some guy, on another one's arm, sitting on another one's lap... It's like those "gnome" photos where people take the gnome around the world with them and snap photos of him in front of the Eiffel Tower, Taj Mahal, etc. I think the girls are just drunk, and being silly and meaningless, and the guys are probably having a bit of fun. If she starts showing up in your bf's pics on a regular basis, then yeah, ask some questions. But he's in med school, presumably studying hard, and will have the occasional weekend blowout. As long as he's not doing anything particularly active/gropey in these photos, I think you're okay.
KikiW Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 First of all, you are allowed to have those feelings. I would probably be feeling the same way. I'd be thinking "getcher drunk@$$ paws off my honey, you lush!" But like the others responded, the same drunk@$$ girls show up in all the FB photos, having a laugh and dying for guys to pay attention to her. Your guy is probably studying very hard, and deserves to relax when he gets a chance. As long as he doesn't get all gropey too, acknowledge your irritation but let him have his fun. You're hotter anyway, and you know it!
Els Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Hi SophieA, I think you should talk about the girl if it'll help you. Just make sure not to make too big a deal out of it, but you definitely should tell him that it makes you uncomfortable that's she's getting so physical with him. About him partying every weekend though... I know it's normal to feel left out when your SO's having a great time there without you... I do too. But I honestly think it's not a good idea to tell him that it's wrong to do so -- because I personally think it isn't. Unless he has all that time to party but none at all to spend talking to you?
alwayslookingup Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Ugh that would bug me too! I get jealous when my SO is out with his friends and I can't be there. If he mentions a girl I get that little twinge of sadness. It is all perfectly normal! I would just take comfort in knowing that the girl is making herself look like a total hussy You already have a leg up on her in this regard. As much as we might trust our SO, it is not easy to trust the other people they are with, but we have no choice but to take their word for it. Just think of all the wonderful things your SO has told you and how much he cares about you...it's worth a lot more than any random girl.
Island Girl Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 As much as we might trust our SO, it is not easy to trust the other people they are with, but we have no choice but to take their word for it. I guess I am a total B*TCH when it comes to this kind of stuff. My husband knows I can call at any moment and if he is with people there have been occasions when I will just say, "hand them the phone". He never knows when that will happen or what the conversation with that other person will be about. Maybe it is just because of our circumstances - because it has been so long since we have been able to see each other. I don't know. But occasionally he'll do this too. Once I was headed over to a friends house to have dinner for instance, as I was driving over there I told him that, and he said, "oh honey, been a long time since I talk to them. Please call me when you are there so I can say 'hi'". -- Yes he got to say "hi" but more importantly he got some much needed reassurance at that point. We have never really had to have a talk about this I think because we are so much the same about it. And come to think of it, it has been a really long time since either of us has done this. If requested, however, it would be handled with no hesitation.
Author SophieA Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 Thanks for all of your input everyone. I did mention her to him. I also mentioned how I wish I could have the college experiences he is having/has had and he made me feel 100% better about everything...just like he always does. PS. She has been doing his roommate since day # 2 on the island.
hisprincess4eva Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 hey there.... i jus wanted to add something.. My bf was on the island for med school too, now he is in the states for clinicals. an advice that i would like to give to you is do not assume something or doubt your bf just by pics. when my bf jus started med school he was partying and stuff too, and there were girls all over him too. But everytime we talked he assured me how much he loved me and how much he cares about me. There is a reason why ur bf chose you and did a LDR with you. Im sure he doesn't have interest in any of the girls on the island. I dunno why but the girls on the island are jus plain weird and craziee. Do not take them seriously. u know ur bf more than anyone else, so do not take any third person come and ruin something u have.
Author SophieA Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 hisprincess...thanks for the reply! I can't tell you how nice it is to hear from someone who has been in the exact same situation! I really wish I could be on that island with him...hopefully next year!
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