EmperorR Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 All words do after a breakup is give false hope, I know first hand never listen to words a ex says unless there is actions to back it up. Just thinking today how my ex fiancé said yeah we will still be the best of friends, funny I haven't heard a peep in more than nine months. Never listen to words.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 AGREE. Not just in the aftermath either but during a relationship. Saying I love you and showing I love you are two VERY different things. If actions are not backing up the words, then they are hollow and meaningless. It is easy to ignore what a person is showing you because there words contradict it. Mixed messages are cruel. But trust your instincts and watch what a person does, not only what they say!
Loving Too Much Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I totally agree. Words are completely empty unless followed by actions. Actions speak far far louder than words. Love me? Then don't spend all day with your EX. Nothing to worry about? Don't break plans with me to hang with him. Say I should trust you? Don't lie by omission. Actions. Treat me the way I treated you. I am better off without you, I realize this more and more everyday.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I totally agree. Words are completely empty unless followed by actions. Actions speak far far louder than words. Love me? Then don't spend all day with your EX. Nothing to worry about? Don't break plans with me to hang with him. Say I should trust you? Don't lie by omission. Actions. Treat me the way I treated you. I am better off without you, I realize this more and more everyday. Sounds similar to my ex! When I hang onto the beautiful words, I believe he loved me. But when I look at his actions towards the end - the emotional side of falls away, and my rational side sees the sad truth he couldn't just admit to.
Author EmperorR Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 I've got it all, I still love you, everyday I wonder if I made a mistake, your the first guy who treated me good I still want you in my life. I love you more than I've loved anyone ( ya sure, yet you stayed with your abusive cheating ex for three years, but dumped me after 3 months) Luckily I've grown as a individual not to fall for those jibberish anymore
Loving Too Much Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 How about the classic "It's me, not you" "You were the perfect man and boyfriend" Give me a freaking break. Just tell me the truth for gods sake. You found something that was more fun..you are eternally selfish which is what enables you to drop people at any given point in time. You lead me on for whatever reason....even on the day you break up with me you are telling me you love me and calling me pet names....WTF!! You are utterly lost in the city that YOU built that we call self centered.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I've got it all, I still love you, everyday I wonder if I made a mistake, your the first guy who treated me good I still want you in my life. I love you more than I've loved anyone ( ya sure, yet you stayed with your abusive cheating ex for three years, but dumped me after 3 months) Luckily I've grown as a individual not to fall for those jibberish anymore Kind of makes you laugh in a way. Damn the English language lol I think maybe there is part of them that does love us, miss us etc, but it is not strong enough to be shown in actions, or it is motivated by selfishness i.e. I feel lonely, my new bf/gf is not living up to my expectations. Who the hell can say? But hey if the backup isn't there, it isn't any of our problems
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 How about the classic "It's me, not you" "You were the perfect man and boyfriend" Give me a freaking break. Just tell me the truth for gods sake. You found something that was more fun..you are eternally selfish which is what enables you to drop people at any given point in time. You lead me on for whatever reason....even on the day you break up with me you are telling me you love me and calling me pet names....WTF!! You are utterly lost in the city that YOU built that we call self centered. Oh my god the first time my boyfriend broke up with me he asked me to stay the night so he could cuddle and comfort me. I went home, then got an email saying 'I love you. We can still be best friends. We can be together in the future'. Just F*** Off lol you want me now or never. I'm not waiting a year, 5 years, 10 years, on the chance of a maybe.
Loving Too Much Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 The first time she broke up with me, she explained how I am a person that she could picture marrying. Went on to explain that the timing was just all wrong. Had we met a year or 2 down the road things would have been different. 5 days later she comes running back. Works at getting me to trust her again...I do..she breaks up with me again after about a month or so of being back together.... Once shame on you.....Twice shame on me. No third time around. All goes back to actions......hopefully she learns and improves for later in her life.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 The first time she broke up with me, she explained how I am a person that she could picture marrying. Went on to explain that the timing was just all wrong. Had we met a year or 2 down the road things would have been different. 5 days later she comes running back. Works at getting me to trust her again...I do..she breaks up with me again after about a month or so of being back together.... Once shame on you.....Twice shame on me. No third time around. All goes back to actions......hopefully she learns and improves for later in her life. Yeah I got the timing thing as well! A favourite of his was...."if we were 40...." lol!
ATR Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Haha. This reminds me of the magners peach (i think) advert. "It's not me it's you" ("and the guy your sleeping with at work") Anyways yes i agree, my ex was actually 100% words 0% action looking back on my relationship, dayum i was a moron. Edit: Ha, wasn't peach it was pear. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzkfOIoiNXU
LadyV Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I couldn't agree more!!! Actions say a lot...My XBF would tell me how much he loved me...he would say to me, "I wish you believed me!" Ya, whatever you crazy nut job!!! I told you prove it....his reply? "I don't know how to prove it, but I know I do love you... Okay, that is why you told me that you wanted to keep sleeping with me, but could not commit. That was why you started talking to someone else and even asked her out, just 2 days after sleeping with me, and the same day you were texting me calling me Honey and all that BS!!! Whatever!!!!! Yes, Actions speak louder than words. I may love you, but I love myself much more, that is why I went NC on him and it has been 7 days now...still going strong!
Trialbyfire Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I disagree about never listening to words. Both are important in that they have to mesh. If there's inconsistency between words and actions, that's when you know they're full of it.
Loving Too Much Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Exactly. Words ARE important. But only trustworthy if backed by actions. Day 6 NC.
LadyV Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Exactly. Words ARE important. But only trustworthy if backed by actions. Day 6 NC. TRUE THAT!!!! Yes, words do count...but it is the actions that do go along with the words, that will make the words more believeable... Day 6?? Good for you!!!!
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I'm back to day 1....he just emailed it. Though I don't regret it. Its parting on friendly terms. Still cried and was shakey though. DAMN FEELINGS.
LoveLace Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I think sometimes we say these things in a moment when we truly believe in our own words...but time just changes our minds. Or, we say it just because it sounds good, it's a good way to end, and you know there's no true intentions. So yes, words are never written in stone...they are just sounds that come out of our mouth and really should mean nothing until there's proof.
Trialbyfire Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 The danger in not accepting words, solely actions, is that you build on the stance of guilty, until proven innocent. In doing so, you force the other person to prove themselves all the time, which is exhausting. After awhile of this kind of dysfunctional dynamic, you can bet that it's easier to walk away, rather than keep jumping for that impossible bar.
LoveLace Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 The danger in not accepting words, solely actions, is that you build on the stance of guilty, until proven innocent. In doing so, you force the other person to prove themselves all the time, which is exhausting. After awhile of this kind of dysfunctional dynamic, you can bet that it's easier to walk away, rather than keep jumping for that impossible bar. That's true...I guess words do deserve some extent of trust (provided it's a person you don't think is dishonest)...just not 100% trust...
Trialbyfire Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 That's true...I guess words do deserve some extent of trust (provided it's a person you don't think is dishonest)...just not 100% trust...Maybe another way to look at it, is to accept the words at face value, keeping them in mind, until you see actions that either agree or disagree with the words spoken. This way, you're not always looking for underlying motivations that might or might not be true. I dunno, some food for thought I guess.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 That's why words and actions need to be in sync.
LoveLace Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 That's why words and actions need to be in sync. Easier said than done, it seems...obviously...
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