Star Gazer Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I just wanted to ask if not getting a kiss good bye is normal. But then everyone brought up the bj and everything blew out of proportion. Not getting a kiss is normal, for a FWB. A FWB is also be expected when you blow a guy on the second date. Not getting a kiss is not normal, when dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 Not getting a kiss is normal, for a FWB. A FWB is also be expected when you blow a guy on the second date. Not getting a kiss is not normal, when dating. Well ty SG. I guess that's all I needed to know. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Devil's advocate here, just for the heck of it. They're not in a relationship... yet. They are at the getting to know you, getting to know you sexually stage, that may turn into a relationship. I mean who knows? 50/50 I'd say. OP, it would be good if you could post about the outcome of this...shall we call it affair, you're having with this guy, even if you get a lot of I told you so's from everybody at LS if it doesn't work out. I know it's you involved, but I would be curious to see if the consensus is correct or not in this instance. I do think a lot of the general 'rules' regarding dating and sex are correct, however, sometimes you've got to follow your gut instinct, I'm not sure what yours is telling you now, probably 'hey I can relax with this guy' while you're with him and then 'oh I'm a bit unsure' when you're not...which doesn't help much I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Well ty SG. I guess that's all I needed to know. Are you being facetious? Because that's what we've been telling you, albeit not in such short form. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 13, 2009 Author Share Posted May 13, 2009 Are you being facetious? Because that's what we've been telling you, albeit not in such short form. No SG, i wasn't being facetious. I was just responding to your comment to let you know I understand your view on this very clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 13, 2009 Author Share Posted May 13, 2009 Devil's advocate here, just for the heck of it. They're not in a relationship... yet. They are at the getting to know you, getting to know you sexually stage, that may turn into a relationship. I mean who knows? 50/50 I'd say. OP, it would be good if you could post about the outcome of this...shall we call it affair, you're having with this guy, even if you get a lot of I told you so's from everybody at LS if it doesn't work out. I know it's you involved, but I would be curious to see if the consensus is correct or not in this instance. I do think a lot of the general 'rules' regarding dating and sex are correct, however, sometimes you've got to follow your gut instinct, I'm not sure what yours is telling you now, probably 'hey I can relax with this guy' while you're with him and then 'oh I'm a bit unsure' when you're not...which doesn't help much I guess. Padding, I'll agree with you on this. Right now, I don't know what's going on, but I haven't done anything to necessitate any more actions on my part other than to follow whatever events will be thrown my way. So, i'll sit and wait, go to the gym, hang out with my friends, etc, etc Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 I don't think this board can decide for papercut and this guy what the status of their relationship is. Papercut wants more then a FWB arrangement and I think that until they actually clarify things, she should approach their budding relationship with a sense of excitement and romance. She should expect to be treated with dignity and respect and nothing less since that's what she wants. So far, he hasn't made his intentions really clear, but he hasn't really had an occasion or a reason to do so. And I think it's too early anyway for that kind of talk. Papercut, I think what this kiss thing is about is your insecurity: you're trying to gage his interest by what you think should be there. Personally, it would never cross my mind to be worried or offended because someone didn't kiss me in public, especially at the beginning of a relationship. I'm not a very big fan of PDAs anyway. (Well except with the last guy... Don't know what that was about.) I have a different analysis then many people here. I think what's going on here is that he's probably intrigued by you, but also probably confused by you. That's why it makes sense to slow things down on your side and let him approach you. Giving him that space will allow him to gage his feelings for you. In the meantime, try to stop creating drama and focus on accepting things for what they are instead of what you wish them to be. And get active with friends and hobbies. Link to post Share on other sites
Okfine Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 I tend to agree with everything Kamile said as well. We simply cannot decide on a public forum what this guy is thinking the only way to know where he stands, is as I had suggested earlier to pull way back. I do think though that he is not feeling emotionally close but that doesn't mean he can't. He seems on the fence and the only way to know if this was just an "along for the ride" scenario or "I am starting to really enjoy hanging out with this girl" one, will be determined by how he reacts if you pull away xpaperxcutx. Also keep in mind that some guys are not sleezy when it comes to setting up a no strings attached situation, there are the total sleezebags that think they can call in the middle of the night to come over for a quickie and then there are those who will put in a minimal amount of effort to not let it get blatant but still only want no strings attached. That's why pulling away is crucial at this point to see exactly how much effort he is willing to put into dating you, not calling you over to his house but actually dating you. Remember: putting yourself online for him to MSN you or texting him a litte "hello" is not letting him come to you. I would lay real low if I were you and you want to know where he stands. Dating is a push and pull on both ends and that is how you keep your ground on an equal levelling when you are getting to know someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 13, 2009 Author Share Posted May 13, 2009 I tend to agree with everything Kamile said as well. We simply cannot decide on a public forum what this guy is thinking the only way to know where he stands, is as I had suggested earlier to pull way back. I do think though that he is not feeling emotionally close but that doesn't mean he can't. He seems on the fence and the only way to know if this was just an "along for the ride" scenario or "I am starting to really enjoy hanging out with this girl" one, will be determined by how he reacts if you pull away xpaperxcutx. Also keep in mind that some guys are not sleezy when it comes to setting up a no strings attached situation, there are the total sleezebags that think they can call in the middle of the night to come over for a quickie and then there are those who will put in a minimal amount of effort to not let it get blatant but still only want no strings attached. That's why pulling away is crucial at this point to see exactly how much effort he is willing to put into dating you, not calling you over to his house but actually dating you. Remember: putting yourself online for him to MSN you or texting him a litte "hello" is not letting him come to you. I would lay real low if I were you and you want to know where he stands. Dating is a push and pull on both ends and that is how you keep your ground on an equal levelling when you are getting to know someone. OKFine, I know what you and kamille are saying. As I've said before, I haven't initiated any contact with him. But do you think I'm too receptive towards him? Like if he asks me out again, I should turn him down and not be so available? I understand the need to pull away and I haven't really done anything that made me look like I was needy. I've been keeping my distance that I only talk to him when he texts me. I haven't chatted with him on Aim either. So in a way I'm being really smart. Link to post Share on other sites
Okfine Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 I think if he asks you out and you want to go out, which you do, you should definitely go. Saying no to that would be playing stupid games. Pulling away when you feel you don't know where you stand is not playing a game it is testing the waters to see where you stand. There is a difference. We all test the water but you don't need to play silly games of playing hard to get when you are in fact available, to attract a guy. Just be yourself but being yourself should also include using reservation and patience. Push and pull just remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 13, 2009 Author Share Posted May 13, 2009 I think if he asks you out and you want to go out, which you do, you should definitely go. Saying no to that would be playing stupid games. Pulling away when you feel you don't know where you stand is not playing a game it is testing the waters to see where you stand. There is a difference. We all test the water but you don't need to play silly games of playing hard to get when you are in fact available, to attract a guy. Just be yourself but being yourself should also include using reservation and patience. Push and pull just remember that. Do you think i've been playing games? I think I've merely been only myself. Whats the difference between push and pull and playing games? Link to post Share on other sites
Okfine Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 I'm sorry I was not very clear. When I said about playing games it was in reference to saying yes if he asks you out. Saying no at this point, when you do want to go out with him would be playing a silly game of "hard to get" why do that? You are dating you enjoy spending time together so go out when he asks you. By push and pull I meant that you take turns being the pursuer and the follower. If you are the one initiating contact by texting or contacting him on IM then you are the one who is passive agressively doing the pursuing, hence the instability you feel now in terms of not knowing what his interest level is. So at this point where you don't know where you stand it's ok to sit back and let him come to you, that's how you determine how invested he is in getting to know you. That's not playing a game it's allowing the guy to also show his interest and for you to reciprocate his advances. Telling him "no" if he asks you on a date if you are available would be playing games. Telling him "no but let's do this instead" to coming over to his house again for a hang out at home date is ok, since you want to ensure he wants more than just a casual "let's hang out and go to bed" type of "date". Which in fact this early on in the game it would not be considered a date, that's considered a "hook up". Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts