Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Well that seems to be working, I mean he wants to see you be with you. Maybe he sees your timidity and then confidence as somewhat mysterious and intriguing and that's no bad thing. He's been pretty straight forward from the beginning, but do you feel you know him? This is just that time, that getting to know you time, where you're not sure where you stand, what you are, where it's going. When going through the exact same thing with a guy and was saying similar things as you to a friend and fretting and worrying, she said "Enjoy it! This is the most exciting part of the relationship". Maybe you should try not to worry so much and take a 'you know, let's just see what happens here' attitude. He obviously likes you, is attracted to you, wants to be with you. I think you're beginning to really like this guy and I suspect this is why all these insecurities have arisen from. If you were doing something really wrong then you wouldn't see him for dust, so try to relax and next time at the hug goodbye why not even lean in and give him a kiss on the cheek...at least it's a start! This feeling can get very spine tingling. For some reason or another, I trust him, but I can't trust myself to be alone with him. He's been really honest with me and I just want to be the same with him. I don't think I ever went through a situation where a guy isn't really putting the moves on me and is genuinely trying to get to know me. He asks me a lot of questions and tells me about how to make certain drawings. I feel like we have our own little secret sometimes. I hope I don't fall for him too fast. I really do like alot of things about him like his personality and his nonchalant way of laughing off my little blunders. He's really easy to get along with. In my own personal experience, artists tend to be weird to begin with. Who knows what is going on in this guy's mind? Haha, I used to study art as well. They say I was a brooder. Maybe artist's can't read each other's minds like I had imagined? Because he's still definitely a mystery to me. Hey!!!! I'm an artist and I'm pretty normal...well, normal-ish Padding, I don't know that. You could just as well be very quirky.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Is this the same guy you gave head to last date? Yes. is that a problem?
BCCA Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Yes. is that a problem? Would be for me. Seems he might feel the same way. You're great to take home, but he doesnt want to announce to the world that he's dating you. Seems like a bad sign. I honestly think this is going to turn out being a lesson learned: dont give guys head before sleeping with them. Most of us are going to think negatively about it, and if youre giving me bj's on date #2, I would assume that youre doing it for everyone else, too. Also, ladies: giving head is just as bad or worse as having sex. Dont kid yourself into thinking a guy is going to have more respect because you sucked him off instead of had sex with him. I think you should have wiated on the head, and now he's just going to want to FWB you.
Trialbyfire Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 We were getting pretty hot and heavy last night, but no we didn't seal the deal. We just played around with ice cream. I don't know why it's so hard being around him. He gives me the jitters where as I only ever feel like this on the first meeting with anyone. Like yesterday, I was nervous and excited to see him even if we had previously met on two occasions, but he always still manages to make me laugh and enjoy myself. In all honesty, he's the actually the first guy that makes me want to work harder.So, how long do you think you can keep up your hard work? Exhausting, no?
Isolde Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 It sounds like he's friendzoning you I hope I'm wrong, but then again this guy sounded wishy washy to begin with.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Would be for me. Seems he might feel the same way. You're great to take home, but he doesnt want to announce to the world that he's dating you. Seems like a bad sign. I honestly think this is going to turn out being a lesson learned: dont give guys head before sleeping with them. Most of us are going to think negatively about it, and if youre giving me bj's on date #2, I would assume that youre doing it for everyone else, too. Also, ladies: giving head is just as bad or worse as having sex. Dont kid yourself into thinking a guy is going to have more respect because you sucked him off instead of had sex with him. I think you should have wiated on the head, and now he's just going to want to FWB you. I have more respect for guys who wait for sex. And he doesn't force the issue. I don't think giving him a bj was such a big problem, and he really didn't have a problem taking me home at all. If you're talking about actually introducing me to his parents or something like that, we're certainly not at that stage yet. Even right now, I wouldn't consider bringing him to my parents. I don't think he lost respect for me at all. He's actually very comfortable talking to me about his parents and his family to me, and he always asks me about mine. Yes, I would understand it's more common for guys to assume if a girl gives a bj, it's possible that she's giving it to other's as well. But I have never given him the impression that I sleep around with people. And I don't. I think he can tell that the only person I've been feeling comfortable around with is him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 So, how long do you think you can keep up your hard work? Exhausting, no? Very. One of these days, I might actually meet up with him without make up and wearing flipflops. But he's already seen me without makeup, so I doubt it would make much difference.
Star Gazer Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Would be for me. Seems he might feel the same way. You're great to take home, but he doesnt want to announce to the world that he's dating you. Seems like a bad sign. I honestly think this is going to turn out being a lesson learned: dont give guys head before sleeping with them. Most of us are going to think negatively about it, and if youre giving me bj's on date #2, I would assume that youre doing it for everyone else, too. Also, ladies: giving head is just as bad or worse as having sex. Dont kid yourself into thinking a guy is going to have more respect because you sucked him off instead of had sex with him. I think you should have wiated on the head, and now he's just going to want to FWB you. Agreed 1000000%, on every point. This guy likes the evening romance involved (who wouldn't, particularly with sexual ice cream play involved!), but has no interest in any sort of real relationship with you in the light of day.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 It sounds like he's friendzoning you I hope I'm wrong, but then again this guy sounded wishy washy to begin with. The first 2 dates really felt like I was being Friendzoned and FWB zoned. But last night while we were having dinner, he made mention about how I should cook for him the next time around, so I'm assuming that he would want to see me again? He even makes mention of taking me to see his galleries, and would more be more than happy to take me whether it was rain or shine. That tells me he really enjoys my company. He even says he'll make me a painting. Now what kind of guy does that?
BCCA Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I have more respect for guys who wait for sex. And he doesn't force the issue Again, you did have sex - its called oral sex. You just didnt get anything out of it. I agree, but you didnt make him wait at all. I don't think giving him a bj was such a big problem, and he really didn't have a problem taking me home at all. If all you want is for this guy to take you to his house, I think youre fine. But if you want him to actually date you, take you out places, etc...I dont see it happening. Thats what I was talking about when I said he's marked you as a 'FWB'. But I have never given him the impression that I sleep around with people Uh, yeah you did. You gave him head on date #2. I think he can tell that the only person I've been feeling comfortable around with is him 99.9% of the one night stands Ive had, the girl has told me she usually doesnt do this type of thing. Everyone says that, and obviously, not everyone is telling the truth. Actions speak louder than words. Your actions told him everything he needed to know, what you said is irrelevant. And I doubt very much he thinks that hes such a special guy you would only do it with him. This guy likes the evening romance involved (who wouldn't, particularly with sexual ice cream play involved!), but has no interest in any sort of real relationship with you in the light of day. Agreed.
Star Gazer Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I have more respect for guys who wait for sex. And he doesn't force the issue. He doesn't think he has to. You know why, right? I don't think giving him a bj was such a big problem, and he really didn't have a problem taking me home at all. If you're talking about actually introducing me to his parents or something like that, we're certainly not at that stage yet. Even right now, I wouldn't consider bringing him to my parents. I'm fairly certain "bringing you home" was a figure of speech. Are you the kind of girl he'd bring home to meet his momma? I don't think he thinks you are. I think he can tell that the only person I've been feeling comfortable around with is him. Didn't you just post all about how anxious you are, how it's exhausting, how you feel like you need to try harder? In the other thread, you posted that you didn't want to sleep with him, and instead gave him head, because you were afraid he wouldn't like you. Doesn't sound comfortable at all to me.
BCCA Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 He even says he'll make me a painting. Now what kind of guy does that? I'll let you know when he actually does it. I wont hold my breath.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 I'll let you know when he actually does it. I wont hold my breath. BCCA I honestly don't expect him to do it anyways. I don't expect any gifts from anybody. But I was glad he even decided to tell me that he would try. Sometimes it's the thought that counts. You may think I'm gullible, but I'm not. I don't see it as lying so much as he's saying it because he's trying to impress me. Well it tells me at least, he wants to try.
Star Gazer Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I don't see it as lying so much as he's saying it because he's trying to impress me. Well it tells me at least, he wants to try. If by "try" you mean "try to get you out of your panties again," then you're right! That's all that comment was meant to do.
paddington bear Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I don't know why, but my gut on this one says he's not doing the friendzone thing. FWB - don't think so either, there's too much talking going on, from what I hear you generally get the I don't want a relationship, I just want sex talk with that one. I think he likes xpaperxcutx (and likes the sex too) and simply is slowly moving things along at a normal pace. I think her changing reactions to him, confidence and then timidity have probably actually prevented this from becoming a FWB situation, because she's not throwing herself at him - I mean in a needy, emotional way. He doesn't know where he stands with her either and thus is intrigued...the kiss goodbye will come naturally methinks.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 He doesn't think he has to. You know why, right? I'm fairly certain "bringing you home" was a figure of speech. Are you the kind of girl he'd bring home to meet his momma? I don't think he thinks you are. Didn't you just post all about how anxious you are, how it's exhausting, how you feel like you need to try harder? In the other thread, you posted that you didn't want to sleep with him, and instead gave him head, because you were afraid he wouldn't like you. Doesn't sound comfortable at all to me. I don't know whether he thinks I'm the kind of girl he'll bring home to momma, but only time will tell for sure. Right now, it's about getting to know each other. I said I was uncomfortable before because it was the first date. It's already the 3rd date, I'm actually quite relaxed with him although sometimes he does make me feel like a girl with a high school crush. And I don't sleep on the first date. I don't do that. I think alot of people would find it uncomfortable if they're put into that position. But I think that with time, I'll be ready to sleep with him. Right now I really enjoy his company.
BCCA Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Mark my words: this is a FWB at best. I dont mean to be harsh, but I dont want to tell you 'looks good, keep trying' when I think thats horrible advice. Just so you know, if a guy likes you, as long as youre not waiting for marrige, putting out is NOT generally going to keep him around. You need to wait, feel him out, and make srue hes a good guy first. Otherwise, we as men get the idea that you'll do that kind of stuff with anyone, and truth be told, why wouldnt we think that? I think he likes xpaperxcutx (and likes the sex too) and simply is slowly moving things along at a normal pace So, it seems like something a normal guy would do, take a girl thats giving him bj's and slow things down? No, hes just going to expect that from now on, and if shes not delivering, hes going to be out.
BCCA Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 If by "try" you mean "try to get you out of your panties again," then you're right! That's all that comment was meant to do. 100% Agreed.
Isolde Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 And I don't sleep on the first date. I don't do that. Really? Date-induced insomnia? Fascinating.
paddington bear Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 You know, I hate all this crap about 'putting out on the first date' and so on. I understand the concept, the girl should respect herself or the guy won't respect her, he'll think that she does that with every guy and the guys don't like that. I get it, it makes sense, but you never hear girls saying 'Oh no! He gave me oral sex on the second date, he's obviously just a slut and then he gave me the usual line 'I don't normally do this'. It's you guys with some subconscious wanting a virgin type woman that's never been with anyone else crap. It's a double-standard that annoys me sometimes. But the thing is, while the above attitude is standard advice in the dating world 'if you want him to fall for you, if you want a relationship don't put out for as long as possible' and despite my annoyance over it, I actually, in general agree. However, this is not always the case for everyone, it is a generalisation, a mostly true generalisation, but not an always-true generalisation. I know lots of people who had sex with guys on the first date and are now in a relationship with the guy. Also, this guy is an artist and generally creative types are far more open-minded and less prissy about such matters.
BCCA Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 It's you guys with some subconscious wanting a virgin type woman that's never been with anyone else crap. It's a double-standard that annoys me sometimes. Well, no one wants a virgin, but I also dont want the girl that slept with everyone else before she met me. And if we want to list the dating double standards that men and women have, women would have 100 times more. Sorry, this one just doesnt work out in your favor. I know lots of people who had sex with guys on the first date and are now in a relationship with the guy Would you recomend doing that over waiting?
paddington bear Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I wouldn't recommend it over waiting, however, the OP has already given this guy oral sex and everyone's basically telling her that by doing that she's ruined everything, I just wanted to say that that is not always the case. Mostly...but not always And yeah, I take your point on double-standards...but women are sexual beings too - you think we always want to have to wait around and be all coy? I don't always, sometimes we want to have sex with you guys as soon as possible too, but we're not allowed to and that's pretty annoying sometimes
bean1 Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I am also one of those girls who had sex with her partner soon - 3rd date. Nothing but a kiss on the cheek before that. Let me say that it is possible that a good exclusive relationship can exist when that happens. It certainly isn't common though. I was pretty darn lucky, now that I look back. I could have given my heart (to me, body = heart) to someone who didn't give a rat's behind. I would not recommend that to anyone. My guy was the exception.
BCCA Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I wouldn't recommend it over waiting, however, the OP has already given this guy oral sex and everyone's basically telling her that by doing that she's ruined everything, I just wanted to say that that is not always the case. Mostly...but not always And yeah, I take your point on double-standards...but women are sexual beings too - you think we always want to have to wait around and be all coy? I don't always, sometimes we want to have sex with you guys as soon as possible too, but we're not allowed to and that's pretty annoying sometimes Well, the OP doesnt want advice, she never takes it. She just wants people to tell her that everything sounds good, and that everyone else would have done the same thing. Thats just not true, so Im not going to waste anyones time lying. And she should be thinking about the majority of men that this WOULD have ruined things with, not hoping that just maybe this guy is in that 2% that it didnt. Do you think we want to walk on egg shells about the subject, either? No way, but its part of the courting. If you make it out like you move fast with everyone, no one feels special. I dont make moves on women for a few dates for the same reason, even though Im usually holding myself back. And we always have to feel like we're waiting on the womans 'go ahead' to do anything. I hear you, its annoying, but its the way it is.
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