lsb Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Hi. I need some serious help. Basically I went to the hospital for a life-threatening condition. My boyfriend was there for me but made some really insensitive, selfish comments to me and my family. It made me reconsider the type of person he is. So due to that and all the stress of my condition I ended up telling him it was over. When I did this he made a comment "I may not be here in 3 days if you change your mind". Because I told him I was not sure and need some time to think about things. Next day I asked if we could just take a break until I figured everything out. He said yes and that he would not date anyone else. I said the same. I told him this was more due to stress than wanting to be with anyone else. So...I took the time I needed. I didn't call him or try to reach him - I was stressed and working out my bills. He then called me like 3 days later and told me he will be there for me as long as I need and that he is not dating anyone else. I said ok, and took him back the next day. So this break was not very long at all - and yet he managed to already be on a dating site and talking to girls. He logged on as soon as I ended things. Which shows to me how quickly and easy it is for him to just get over me. Which hurts. But also, that he lied to me. I just want to ask for advice on this matter because now I am up with the task of most likely ending things again and this time for good. I just want to make sure I am not in the wrong here. Wouldn't someone who really loves you wait for you, at least a little bit and not be so eager to jump on a website to find someone else? And then once I called it a break and he promised he wouldnt date anyone, why would he do this?
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 It is definately not the action of someone who cares about you. Firstly he signed up to dating sights whilst you were on a break (not broken up) and secondly be broke a promise to you, it is not important whether someone breaks a promise big or small - the fact is they broke a promise. What bothers me more is that when you were ill he was rude. What kinds of things did he say/do? That sounds incredibly cruel and unloving! Are there any other oddities in his behaviour to you? Is he normally loving and caring? I would confront him about all the things that he has done to bother you and see how he responds. But they are not good signs! Also take what he says at face value. Remember actions speak louder than words!
Author lsb Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 A couple things he said was he told my mother it did not look good - before even seeing me, he told me he had to take care of himself (he is an ex-alcoholic) and he told me that my friend didnt want to hear from me , she wanted to hear from him because he could see me. Usually he seems loving and caring but also smothering. I told him everything that bothered me. I told him I didnt want him to date anyone else and either would I , I just needed to think about things.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Hmmmmmm, its incredibly tactless and insensitive to treat you that way when you are in the hospital. Relationships are about compromise and a degree of sacrifice. It is not all about YOUR needs or HIS needs. It is about BOTH. What he is doing is putting HIS needs before yours and not only that, but putting you down in the process.
boogieboy Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Ill be honest with you, and theres tons of threads on this, many guys know that once a girl says "lets take a break" it usually means she wants to date someone shes been already talking to. So he was covering his ass just in case you were lying. Many women use "the break" as a cowardly way out.
Author lsb Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Right. But considering I was just in the hospital and very stressed with the illness and bills. I think it was a bit apparent it was not that I wanted to see anyone. Also, I flat out told him I do not want to be with anyone but him and that I was not even thinking of dating anyone.
Beardy Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Speaking from personal experience, when my girlfriend split up with me, one of the first things I did was sign up to one of those sites - not because I was ready to start dating or anything like that, but to remind me that there are so many other women out there for me. Even though I hope to make things up with the ex (not going to happen though as she is not interested), the site was just a weird comfort blanket. Basically, don't jump to any conclusions.
EmperorR Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 When my ex told me let's take a break she was dating a week later I know it sucks but to some people like me once I hear break I know it's done over and I move on. This time I got dumped same day I was on a dating site, I'm I looking to date nope but it helps to boost your confidence.
carhill Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I think a read of the gay bar incident might be instructive. OP, I hope you're feeling better. Your BF was immature to create such drama at a time of uncertainty for you. He can spend some time alone to process that. Whether he does that on a dating site or not is his choice. Life's about choices
Author lsb Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 ack i miss him. and now the doubts and questioning begin if what i did was right. should i try and be friends with him to see if we still can work this out i dunno.
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