Charm13 Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I've been dating this guy for about 9 months now. Things are pretty serious. I'm starting to get scared however. He's pro-life and I'm pro-choice. Is anyone else in this situation with their significant other, and if so, were you able to put something like that aside and make it work? I'm just afraid that this is something that will eventually come between us and that is something I don't want.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I've been dating this guy for about 9 months now. Things are pretty serious. I'm starting to get scared however. He's pro-life and I'm pro-choice. Is anyone else in this situation with their significant other, and if so, were you able to put something like that aside and make it work? I'm just afraid that this is something that will eventually come between us and that is something I don't want. It will only be as big a deal as you want to make it. I think your looking for a reason to put the airbreaks on this relationship because it is getting so serious. However, if your worldview is totally opposite his... then you may have an issue.
Author Charm13 Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Thanks. Its always nice to get advice from someone on the outside. I never put thought that I could be "putting the airbreaks on" because of how things are going. Maybe subconciously I am doing that.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Thanks. Its always nice to get advice from someone on the outside. I never put thought that I could be "putting the airbreaks on" because of how things are going. Maybe subconciously I am doing that. Well, unless you plan to use abortion as a birth control method... it won't really be an issue. Even if 20 years down the road you have a teen daughter who gets pregnant... you can just use the adoption system. Then you won't have a daughter go through life wondering about the baby she killed... ect. So, I can't really see this being an issue for the two of you on a personal level. Which.... I really think you knew already. Are the two of you opposites on other things as well or just this? I'm guessing that you are fairly young.
Author Charm13 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 We are both 25 years old, so we are somewhat young. Lately we have been differing on other things. He has decided to do a 180 on me and switch up. He's going to church and listening to Christian talk radio all day now. Wants to stop doing this or that to be right in the eyes of God. We both feel like this could put a wedge in our relationship, but we both don't want that to happen.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 We are both 25 years old, so we are somewhat young. Lately we have been differing on other things. He has decided to do a 180 on me and switch up. He's going to church and listening to Christian talk radio all day now. Wants to stop doing this or that to be right in the eyes of God. We both feel like this could put a wedge in our relationship, but we both don't want that to happen. I was 25 just a few years back, and I remember the whole quarter life crisis thing. Well, it sounds like you don't believe. Differences like that can be very, very draining to a relationship over time. I've been through that before, so believe me when I say it makes things super duper tough. What kinds of things does he want to stop doing? Are you living together? If you don't believe then you will both have to agree to respect one another in this area. That means developing a non confrontational way to work out your differences in these areas. Lots of communication. I think you are both still young... but just a few years from being old... and that can seem like a scary prospect.
You'reasian Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 We are both 25 years old, so we are somewhat young. Lately we have been differing on other things. He has decided to do a 180 on me and switch up. He's going to church and listening to Christian talk radio all day now. Wants to stop doing this or that to be right in the eyes of God. We both feel like this could put a wedge in our relationship, but we both don't want that to happen. Maybe he thinks of you as something more serious than a girlfriend?
BCCA Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 All I can offer you is a story. I had a friend in the same situation as you, dating a pro-life guy, shes pro choice. I thought, it probably isnt a big deal unless you get pregnant. Well guess what? She got pregnant, despite efforts on their part to avoid it (weve all had a condom break here and there, right?). So, she's 19 at the time, and they were dating 6 months, so she decides that shes not having the kid. Tells him this, he doesnt really say much, she goes and gets an abortion, thinks its done and over with. The guy calls her a baby killer, sends all kind of religious crap to her house, and has his mom call her to tell her off. This is right after this girl just made one of the hardest decisions in her life, and already feels like crap. She just wanted to die. So, to me personally, its a big deal, but that story is a big reason why. If nothing else, clear the air about what would happen if you got pregnant now.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 So, she's 19 at the time, and they were dating 6 months, so she decides that shes not having the kid. Tells him this, he doesnt really say much, she goes and gets an abortion, thinks its done and over with. The guy calls her a baby killer, sends all kind of religious crap to her house, and has his mom call her to tell her off. This is right after this girl just made one of the hardest decisions in her life, and already feels like crap. She just wanted to die. So, to me personally, its a big deal, but that story is a big reason why. If nothing else, clear the air about what would happen if you got pregnant now. I think she knows her BF way better than this 19yo girl. Besides... this kind of scenario is rare... like winning lottery ticket rare. There are smart what if's and dumb ones. This is a dumb one.
You'reasian Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 There are smart what if's and dumb ones. This is a dumb one. Are you a red head???
Author Charm13 Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 What kinds of things does he want to stop doing? Are you living together? He wants to stop using tobacco, drinking, and having sex to name a few. We are living together right now. We are wanting to buy a house within the next few months. I am pro-choice, but I know having an abortion is not right for me. I just want to know that I would have a CHOICE if anything were to happen to me, or even my daughter (if I should have one someday). My heart goes out to your friend for making such a big decision. I can't imagine what she went through, plus the added stress her boyfriend put on her.
bean1 Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 He wants to stop using tobacco, drinking, and having sex to name a few. We are living together right now. We are wanting to buy a house within the next few months. Ugh... been there, done that. GET OUT! You will never be "Christian enough" for this man. Don't buy a home with a man that you've been dating for 9 months and live in a separate bedroom because you can't have sex before marriage. This is hilariously hypocritical, by the way.
Author Charm13 Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 Ugh... been there, done that. GET OUT! You will never be "Christian enough" for this man. Don't buy a home with a man that you've been dating for 9 months and live in a separate bedroom because you can't have sex before marriage. This is hilariously hypocritical, by the way. We've had that discussion. I told him if he is wanting to do all this, I would feel better about things if I would move out. I suggested staying with a friend for awhile until things are figured out. I think it is hypocritical. We sleep in the same bed.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 He wants to stop using tobacco, drinking, and having sex to name a few. We are living together right now. We are wanting to buy a house within the next few months. I am pro-choice, but I know having an abortion is not right for me. I just want to know that I would have a CHOICE if anything were to happen to me, or even my daughter (if I should have one someday). My heart goes out to your friend for making such a big decision. I can't imagine what she went through, plus the added stress her boyfriend put on her. I got that feeling from you about the topic. I know a ton of people that wouldn't do it, but feel the option should be there. Personally I've never been able to reconcile the idea that your not taking a human life, kind of like killing someone in their sleep. But that is a totally different topic and I figure to each their own. Are those all changes that you would be OK with? At the end of the day it can be a huge strain on your relationship... or it can make you guys stronger. It just depends on how you two decide to handle it. With good communication and flexibility it will work out well. However, I once dated a vegan... and every meal we ate together drove me nuts... plus she was crazy about animals. Anyone who would choose to feed cats over homeless families is definitely not for me! We've had that discussion. I told him if he is wanting to do all this, I would feel better about things if I would move out. I suggested staying with a friend for awhile until things are figured out. I think it is hypocritical. We sleep in the same bed. I'm not sure it's completely hypocritical. I've had friends in a similar situation. Living together and having sex are two separate things. Just ask any guy who is married. However, I agree with you.... there should be a move out... and he needs to put together some kind of a courtship plan. He should have a plan for engagement.
Author Charm13 Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 I believe he does have a plan for engagement and such. I have a birthday coming up soon. He has hinted around about proposing then. He is so sure about us, he wants to get married next month if I would let him. I am ok with the changes he is making, I just don't understand the no sex one most of all. He has been with other women in the past, and now that he's met me, he wants to wait until we're married. I think I'd be ok with it if we never went there in the first place, but we've been there, done that, and I wanna do it again As for the abortion conflict, I am ok with other people's viewpoints and opinions. I just don't like when people try to force their's upon other people. Was just curious if other people have been in a similar situation and how their's turned out.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I believe he does have a plan for engagement and such. I have a birthday coming up soon. He has hinted around about proposing then. He is so sure about us, he wants to get married next month if I would let him. I am ok with the changes he is making, I just don't understand the no sex one most of all. He has been with other women in the past, and now that he's met me, he wants to wait until we're married. I think I'd be ok with it if we never went there in the first place, but we've been there, done that, and I wanna do it again As for the abortion conflict, I am ok with other people's viewpoints and opinions. I just don't like when people try to force their's upon other people. Was just curious if other people have been in a similar situation and how their's turned out. There are not many pro life women out there... but it's never been a problem for me because I respect other peoples opinions. I have had some minor issues here and there, but those girls were raving lunatics, and it wouldn't have worked on multiple levels. It's good that you enjoy him. I can tell you from a religious standpoint it means really good things that he wants to stop until you get married. It shows that he wants to protect you, and that he feels strongly enough about you to make sure and do things right. Honestly, it says something when a man is willing to wait. My suggestion is this. Ask him to explain all of his choices to you. Don't rush into marriage unless your 100% sure. Make sure you have Great Communication going in your relationship.
GorillaTheater Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Here's my concern: if this guy is getting very serious about his Christian faith, and it sounds like it is, he may decide at some point that he needs to avoid being "unequally yoked" by marrying a non-Christian (the Bible warns against this sort of thing). I'm not saying it's right or necessarily makes sense (though on a certain level it may), but it's something you may want to think about and talk over with him. Edit: I jumped to a conclusion in assuming you're not a Christian. I really don't know one way or the other. But if my concern applies, think about it.
Author Charm13 Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 He wants to make these changes to become right in God's eyes and follow the bible. We have had the discussion about me not being a Christian. He says its something he's been thinking a lot about. He seems to be ok with it. Time will tell. Thanks everyone for your input!
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