dreamergrl Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 So, there was two dates last week with new guy. I think they were dates. No I haven't slept with him, but that's not to say there wasn't any kissy stuff going on. The next day after the first time we went out, I got an email saying he hopes to see me again, and told me had fun. At the end of the second date he mentioned he'd have to get to know my area better. I teased him and said "why will you be visiting again" and he said "unless you don't want me to" of course I said I'd like that. We sent short emails back and forth during the weekend. He'd ask me how my day was and stuff. We IM'd too, and he'd end it with have a good night sweety. Then bam just no contact. I'm probably just being goofy... but sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong. I have told him I didn't want to rush into anything sexual and what not, he's told me he completely understands and respects that choice. In the last email I sent, I mentioned that I remember him telling me he had Tuesday off, and asked if he'd like to get together. I'll add that he told me his days off and stuff and that we could do something during them. Prior to all this, he has told me that he's been a bit scared of getting into another relationship.
northstar1 Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 You spoke all weekend over email and IM. Yesterday was the weekend. It's only been one day. RELAX!!!
Star Gazer Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 So the last communication you had was your email to him asking him out for Tuesday?
Kamille Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I echo Northstar's feelings. Even if what you meant is that you didn't hear from him yesterday, it's only been one day... And that day was a Sunday and Mother's day to boot. Right now, all that's happening is that you're jonesing. You are getting used to this new romance and you want the high to continue. Now dreamer, there's nothing wrong with a little downtime. In fact, downtime is good to catch your balance. Repeat after me: all is well. You had fun. And today is a glorious day.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Yeah, the last email was me asking him out for Tuesday. My thingy shows it was read.. so that is why maybe I thought I shouldn't have asked, or maybe I said something wrong. Oh and the email was a reply to one he sent I think it was early Sunday.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Yeah I think I did say or do something wrong. I haven't said anything.. but I've seen him online a few times today.
filh Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 ^^^ hi, I'm new here. but just curious, did you talk to him online? I think you are overanalyzing?
Author dreamergrl Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Nope.. just seen him online.. just didn't say anything cuz I don't want to come across as overwhelming or whatever.
tinklebell Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Nope.. just seen him online.. just didn't say anything cuz I don't want to come across as overwhelming or whatever. Since your last email, you've seen him online and he hadn't initiated contact while you were online?
JustLooking123 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Is this really what you need, what is good for you? Jumping right back into worrying about a guy - is he into me enough, is he gonna call, etc.? If dating at all is gonna create more stress and drama for you, consider just taking a complete dating break. I've done it before, and it was great in the long run, very educational and therapeutic. Good luck!
carhill Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Dreamer, try pushing back from the keyboard and invite him to call you. Then, go about life. He'll call
Lucky555 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Its been a little bit since he has contacted you and I think you need to "come to your senses." (Guys back off so you chase them and your interest increases, then they don't have to work as hard) I believe in 50/50. So don't contact him because he has not contacted you and don't Chase him. let it "flow" but read the following because i think this could help you: Even if this is an amazing guy you have to take off the rose colored glasses and look at the reality. If he has stated he is "worried about getting into a relationship" you may get more weird "backing off" behavior throughout dating. There is no telling which direction this will go. Another thing is aim and e-mail. I like talking online in the initial stages of getting to know each other but I think if you want to see him more there needs to be less contact. Get busy or block him when your on aim. I think guys get lazy and uninterested when they know they "have the girl" and their interest is in them. The time you spend online with him you could be doing something for yourself. If he wants time spent with you then he needs to CALL you and ask for a DATE! Its not a game here its just saying he needs to STEP IT UP or get out. If the guy wants to see you more and more he needs to want to be with you and you need to give him time to miss you. Keep e-mails with like three sentences so he can say "lets get together, i want to see you and chat." If you give him everything in an e-mail then why does he need to spend time with you? what will be new if he knows everything? Date other people and keep doing things that preoccupy your time. If he wants to go out, don't cancel your plans but give him some days that fit in with your life, he can do the same. Love shouldn't be hard but i think sometimes we make it hard but wondering and worrying. I do this myself. In reality we just have to stop worrying and wondering and keeping moving by doing things that we want to do. conclusion: 1. Give him a chance to miss you by not contacting 2. don't worry, even if it doesn't work out "hopefully your still meeting other guys" (your not exclusive and he has not stated he wants to "only be with you" so don't put all your faith in this guy just yet) 3. Keep busy, keep doing things you enjoy 4. No aim, limited email (USE THE PHONE Don't you want to hear his lovely voice? If you hear his voice during communication with you, you can tell so much more about his interest and how he feels just by listening. On the computer you can't hear his feelings about things your talking about. 5. I wish you the best.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Since your last email, you've seen him online and he hadn't initiated contact while you were online? No but he wasn't on for long. Is this really what you need, what is good for you? Jumping right back into worrying about a guy - is he into me enough, is he gonna call, etc.? If dating at all is gonna create more stress and drama for you, consider just taking a complete dating break. I've done it before, and it was great in the long run, very educational and therapeutic. Good luck! I'm not stressed by any means, seriously. I'm just curious as to if he's still interested, or if I'm getting the blow off. Dreamer, try pushing back from the keyboard and invite him to call you. Then, go about life. He'll call What do you mean invite him to call? Like say hey gimme a ring? Or just wait and let him contact me? Its been a little bit since he has contacted you and I think you need to "come to your senses." (Guys back off so you chase them and your interest increases, then they don't have to work as hard) I believe in 50/50. So don't contact him because he has not contacted you and don't Chase him. let it "flow" but read the following because i think this could help you: Even if this is an amazing guy you have to take off the rose colored glasses and look at the reality. If he has stated he is "worried about getting into a relationship" you may get more weird "backing off" behavior throughout dating. There is no telling which direction this will go. Yeah, and I had a feeling about this when he stated that. I think it's been like since December that he said he was in a relationship. That he hasn't really pursued or made much of an effort. But then he started off making a lot of effort with me. I tried to show interest without coming off to anxious. Another thing is aim and e-mail. I like talking online in the initial stages of getting to know each other but I think if you want to see him more there needs to be less contact. Get busy or block him when your on aim. I think guys get lazy and uninterested when they know they "have the girl" and their interest is in them. The time you spend online with him you could be doing something for yourself. If he wants time spent with you then he needs to CALL you and ask for a DATE! Its not a game here its just saying he needs to STEP IT UP or get out. If the guy wants to see you more and more he needs to want to be with you and you need to give him time to miss you. Keep e-mails with like three sentences so he can say "lets get together, i want to see you and chat." If you give him everything in an e-mail then why does he need to spend time with you? what will be new if he knows everything? Well it was just like chatty stuff, like how was your day and what not. It wasn't like pouring out everything about each other. Then he'd say stuff like I wish you were here to keep me company. Date other people and keep doing things that preoccupy your time. If he wants to go out, don't cancel your plans but give him some days that fit in with your life, he can do the same. Love shouldn't be hard but i think sometimes we make it hard but wondering and worrying. I do this myself. In reality we just have to stop worrying and wondering and keeping moving by doing things that we want to do. conclusion: 1. Give him a chance to miss you by not contacting 2. don't worry, even if it doesn't work out "hopefully your still meeting other guys" (your not exclusive and he has not stated he wants to "only be with you" so don't put all your faith in this guy just yet) 3. Keep busy, keep doing things you enjoy 4. No aim, limited email (USE THE PHONE Don't you want to hear his lovely voice? If you hear his voice during communication with you, you can tell so much more about his interest and how he feels just by listening. On the computer you can't hear his feelings about things your talking about. 5. I wish you the best. Thanks for the pointers!
carhill Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 What do you mean invite him to call? Like say hey gimme a ring? Or just wait and let him contact me? The next time (there will be one) you two see each other online and he starts in, just say, hey, gimme a ring. Then go offline
JeezLouise Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 This is why I don't date. Haven't you been dating a guy for three weeks?
Author dreamergrl Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 The next time (there will be one) you two see each other online and he starts in, just say, hey, gimme a ring. Then go offline What makes you so sure there will be a next time? I mean, who's to say he didn't just lose interest or something. I mean new old guy just bailed. Maybe I'm doing something wrong while dating these guys.
carhill Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 When you stop posting about this and move on, they'll contact you
dressing up Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 When you stop posting about this and move on, they'll contact you Well put! And even if they don't, you would already have moved on.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Just thought this was kinda funny... new old guy just signed on and out. Nothing said to me. Yeah you guys are right though... I do need to just put things outta my mind and not think about it. I've always sucked at the initial stages of dating.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I feel DUMB. He talked to me tonight, and we're going to hang out. Dumb dumb dumb.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I feel DUMB. He talked to me tonight, and we're going to hang out. Dumb dumb dumb. Haha Dreamergirl calm down. See him as someone whose company you enjoy without going off the deep end worrying. I think that's how most of us sabotage dates. By worrying too much.
Cora Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I understand what you go through. I'm a big overthinker and I always tend to screw up dating in the beginning. I think the third date is the farthest I've ever made it before getting dumped. It's like 123 get the heck away from me! Ughh I hate dating!
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