daisydo Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 hi everyone, i've been on about 5 dates with this guy who i really like.. we have really hit it off.. we have fun together, great chemistry, etc. occasionally, he acts standoffish towards me. for example: on our first date, i got up to leave from a table we were sitting at in a coffee shop and he didn't stand up to give me a hug or anything at all (we had a great first date). after another date, i told him about a concert that was several weeks away to which he replied, "well, if i don't see you before then i'll see you at the concert." since then we have seen each other several times - and i just chalked it up to nerves or something. well the other night i saw him while i was out downtown with my friends and he seemed rather standoffish. he approached one of my friends and talked to her but then walked away without saying anything to me! i went up to him later and we struck up a good conversation that lasted about 10-15 minutes. we both gave each other kisses on the cheek and he texted me a few times after that. yesterday i get this email from him and it's nice and long and sweet and he says he wants to see me again, etc. what are these mixed signals? i mean, he is a pretty awkward person.. is he shy? or just not wanting to be seen with me in public? i'm so confused. can someone please help?
carhill Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 If he's in his mid twenties as you are, I would opine nearly total lack of sexual interest or exceedingly awkward with women. Observing him with other women, what would you think? I can tell you, as someone who was shy around women in his twenties and remained a virgin throughout, I was much more physical than I'm hearing from you after a few dates. Hand-holding, leading, light caresses, kissing. No groping or sexual stuff, but that was my style. I definitely showed interest when I found the young lady receptive. When he's close to you, does he look in your eyes? If yes, does it seem almost magnetic, rather than purposeful, like he can't help it?
Author daisydo Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 well when we are alone we are pretty physical... lots of touching.. tickling.. kissing.. hugging.. we have even slow danced at his apartment. i don't think he is very big on PDA. he does look into my eyes quite a bit. i'm not really sure what to think.. i felt really good about things after our last date but then this whole interaction downtown has left me really perplexed. i guess i will try and deduce more when we hang out next.
zhsoj Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Could be shyness. I'm basically like that; mid-20s and all.
shinedown Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I'm in my twenties and am very shy as guys go. I need to know before I start with PDA that she's in the same place and happy for it to happen. Are you sure you've made it obvious enough to him? Maybe he just isn't picking-up the hints if they're subtle? It sounds as though he likes you though, so I'd mention it to him. If he really likes you he won't mind you bringing it up. I know I wouldn't.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 well when we are alone we are pretty physical... lots of touching.. tickling.. kissing.. hugging.. we have even slow danced at his apartment. i don't think he is very big on PDA. he does look into my eyes quite a bit. i'm not really sure what to think.. i felt really good about things after our last date but then this whole interaction downtown has left me really perplexed. i guess i will try and deduce more when we hang out next. This does not constitute shy. He's either playing games or he's not interested. I wouldn't put it past him to go hot and cold.
Author daisydo Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 well, if he's not interested why would he email me asking to hang out again this week? i guess he could be playing hot and cold - but what is the purpose of that? i guess we'll see if we hang out tonight and i'll report back on how it is.
carhill Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 OP, if you don't see him as a "hang out" buddy, then tell him directly. "I like you. I'd like to do something other than hang out. Call me when you have an idea." Leave it at that. If/when he responds in a manner which is attractive to you, share your time and yourself with him. It's important to keep sight of what *you* want. By keeping things casual, hanging out, and not assigning public importance to you, he lessens his risks. Less risk, less reward
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