Tenny Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Alright so this is my first post here, so please be gentle. It's going to be extremely long, so please bear with me. There really is a lot of background with this, but I will try to make it as short as possible without leaving important stuff out.. Part One: So I have been with this girl for a 4.5 months now. We will call her A. We met online, and talked for about a week before I asked her out. A is 19 and I am 25, so there is a large age gap to say the least. Since then there has been a lot of ups and downs to say the least. I have broken up with A a few times now, mostly being a very short time (a day or two) and they were typically about stupid things. We moved in together way too fast to say the least. So most of the times we broke up it has been over stupid issues, but one time I caught A emailing guys on Craigslist. The way I caught A was she logged into her email on my phone, and one of them responded to her. She sent him an email basically asking if he knew a guy that went to school where he was. So it was rather innocent, but it really bothered me she was reading the M4W section of Craigslist. So I talked to her about it, and told her I was displeased with it, and A said she'd never do it again. So maybe two weeks later, I decided to check on A, just to verify she wasn't. Unfortunatly A was at it again. A was emailing less "innocent ones". The guys would respond, and she wouldn't respond back typically. Sometimes she'd have a little conversation, but they all ended with A ignoring them. Though a few had her cell phone number or instant messenger handle, though I never found a log of any of them talking to her... So i dug a bit deeper, and found that she had been doing this for sometime. Once again I talked to A about it, A said it was becasue she wanted to feel "wanted". I wasn't making her feel that way, and so A would email them and just when they emailed back she would feel good that other people want her. So I have a big trust issue with her to say the least. I haven't been able to quiet get over that, but I had been trying my best but it still hangs in my thought process. So last week it felt like she wanted nothing to do with me, so I was pretty down. I suggested a few things we could do, and A shot them all down. Then A came into our room where I was laying down and said her friend was having a little girls party and she was wondering if i minded if she went. I was like whatever, and I took off for a walk as I was annoyed about it. Esp being A didn't want to do anything with me becuase A was watching a movie, and now she wants to leave! When I got back, A was gone. A said she wasn't sure if she was going to stay over for the night or not. I went to a friends house, and got mad and told her it was over. The next morning she shows up about 9am and said that she went to the girls night out party, and then went to her moms house as there was some "crazy ****" happening there. A slept for a few hours and we talked breifly when she got up. I told her I was very mad about her decision to go, when I was trying to spend time with her. A said she wasn't going to beg for me back anymore etc. A then left to work, and didn't come back (she told me she wasn't coming back that night). A came back the next night and took a shower and got some clothes. Since then A has been staying at male friends places and sleeping on the futon. I said I'd like to talk to her, but her friends wouldn't let us. They said we need some time alone and what not. A kept telling me should would come over, and she never did. Eventually she came over on Friday night really late. We talked for a little bit about how we felt. A said I've changed her so much, and she isn't sure if she likes that. A wants to still see her friends, but I was controlling etc. Which was all true. A said if I just tell her I'll take her back she will be happy and come back. We eventually went to bed and ended up having sex. Once morning came I kissed her good bye and went to work. Then saturday night (last night) I said I'd like to see A if she's available. She didn't answer online, so I called her. A answered and then after less than a minute of talking said hold on, and about a minute later it was disconnected. After that she wasn't responding at all. All A said was "Sorry" at one point, but wouldn't respond at all other than that. I got pretty pissed off, and eventually went to sleep. This morning A sent me a message online, and said she was sorry about last night, but would like to see me today but she didn't want to drive. So I gave her a call, we talked. I asked her a few things like if she missed me, she said yes a lot. Asked her if she was seeing anyone else she said no (despite hanging out with this one guy a lot... ). I asked why she wouldn't respond to anything I said the previous night, and she said that her friends took her cell phone away from her so that she wouldn't talk to me. So I told her I wasn't in the area, but would be there later. So once I got back into the area, I called her, and since then I haven't been able to get ahold of her again. It feels like the previous night all over again... I still have strong feelings for A. A is wrong for me, and I know this. A and her family are nothing but drama, and it follows them around, but I still cannot seem to get over it. Now part two: Now there also is another girl that is in my life, we will call her E. I dated E a very long time ago ( 4+ years ago) for a couple years. E fell head over heals for me, and I didn't know what I had. I cheated on E a few times, I broke up with E whenever another girl was around. I cheated on other girls with E also. I was a general ******* to say the least. Over the past year or so, I had been thinking about E a lot, and wished I never broke up with her and was with her. I tried getting a hold of E, but she made it impossible by changing all her contact info, except her address. Eventually earlier this year E messaged my brother (he set us up) just to see how everything was and if he wanted to have lunch. He told me about this, and I went and got ahold of E through his account, and appologized for how I treated her in the past, and what not. We went out to lunch about two months ago, and had a great time and then went on our own way. We texted a few times back and forth but nothing big. I asked her for advise on the A above when the CL thing came up, and E told me to break up, as I did. I did not tell E that I got back together with A or anything like that though. So last weekend after I broke up with A, E texted me out of the blue asking if I wanted to go out for drinks, so we went out and had a pretty good time. Since then we've gone out a few times for dinner or just to hang out, and we talked about possibly getting together again. We have not had sex or anything like that, everything has been completely innocent. E does have a lot of doubts about it, with our previous experiences (with my cheating, and getting bored and dumping her, etc). I told her I have changed, I don't cheat anymore. I am not into parties like I was back then, my life has slowed down a lot. My whole family is love with E, and has been pressuring me a lot to get back with her. They all liked A, but said she wasn't right for me. The friends that know E, tell me to get back with her and settle down... So I am so confused I don't know what to do. E is an amazing girl and would love to be with her. She is the girl I thought I would marry if she ever came back into my life. I trust her 100%, and would like to settle down with her, but she is not sure if she can get over everything I did to her in the past. She is very busy and lives pretty far away (45 minutes or so). I am very afraid I will get bored with her as I had in the past, but right now I am anything but bored with her... Alone: Then add the this whole mix I live alone now. My friends all have g/f's and are busy with them often. I live in an area where I am not used to, just moved here in Feb. I am pretty far from my old stomping grounds and most of my friends are pretty far away. So I am very lonely to say the least. I just sit around by myself a lot, and try and keep myself occupied, but I am always thinking about these two girls. I am not going to school this quarter as I didn't get into enough classes to justify the high cost of school. I also work remotely mostly, and only go into work on Wed / Fridays. Part of me thinks I just want either girl just because I need the attention because I am so lonely. Ideally if I was to get back with E, it'd be better for the relationship if I was single for a bit, but I am going crazy being alone. I am trying to think of ways to see friends etc, but everyone is just so busy I really end up just sitting around... Questions! So any insight is welcome. What is A doing, why is she doing this. Is it really her doing it, or her friends? Should I try dating E? It's been a long time, and I have changed a lot. I am trueley afraid of getting with her and hurting her again. I will never cheat again, but I am afraid of getting bored of her as I did in the past... but I have slowed down a lot... Whew... that was long. Sorry everyone about the long read, but all comments are highly appreciated, as everyone I talk to gives a biased opinion...
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