it's ruining my life

[smile23]

So let me begin by saying that I am 19 years old, and throughout my entire life I have had a problem with anxiety and stress. It was never unbearable until the summer before attending college, which was approximately 2 years ago (I just completed my sophomore year).

 

I became extremely anxious about the idea of entering college and starting a new life with new people, new classes, and an overall new environment. I thought the intense amount of stress and anxiety I felt from day to day would diminish once I went to college and became settled, but it has only become worse throughout the past two years.

 

It is ridiculous as to the things that I stress about, and how much I actually let them stress me out. I'll try and give you a brief explanation as to what I tend to become anxious about. To begin with, throughout the school year I am constantly feeling nervous about upcoming tests, projects, and quizzes, even if it is not in a difficult class, and due to this, oftentimes I do not even give myself Friday nights off to have fun with my friends. Also, during the school year I always become stressed that my friends from home are going to think I hate them if I don't try and keep in contact with them as much as possible, or if I can't return their calls right away. I hardly ever let myself sleep in during the school year because then I feel guilty since I feel as though I should be doing work.

 

During the school year,I always think to myself that once the summer comes I'll be able to relax since I do not have school work to worry about. However, the second I finish with finals I begin to worry (a LOT) about going back to my job as a waitress. I absolutely, one-hundred percent dread going to work, and I become so nervous at the thought of even calling them to tell them I am back from school. For example, my dad has recommended that I go to the restaurant tomorrow to talk to the manager about working, and now I am so nervous and anxious about doing this that I can't sleep or get it off of my mind. In addition, I have the tendency to always think that people are mad at me or annoyed, or that if I'm not perfect they will not like me.

 

I understand that all of this sounds ridiculous, and the thing is, I know it is, yet I cannot stop myself from feeling the way I do. I become so stressed and anxious that I make myself feel sick to my stomach, cause my heart to pound out of control, become sleep deprived, etc., etc. I almost feel like I'm trapped in my own life and I can't escape because if I'm not worried about one thing, it's ALWAYS another.

 

It has only been until recently that my family (I do not explain to my friends how I feel) has been beginning to understand a little as to why I feel the way I do. My therapist (I go to her weekly) says that I have a chemical imbalance, and therefore I cannot let go of things and put them out of my mind like most other individuals can easily do. Due to this, I was put on Celexa at the beginning of January to help me with my stress, and when this didn't work I was placed on Lexapro. However, these two medicines have not been working, and they are only causing me to experience a multitude of side effects like being really tired, having vivid, crazy nightmares every night weight gain, etc.

 

I'm so confused as to how I can make my life better and STOP stressing for once in my life.I wish I could be like everyone else and be able to relax every once in awhile without having something bothering me or making me feel anxious. Sometimes, I feel anxious/stressed, but I couldn't even tell you why and there is no reason that I can come up with! I also feel like the way I am affects not only me, but my family and boyfriend (who has been with me for 3.5 years) because they get frustrated with me when I stress so much (even though I can't seem to help it).

 

I feel like I'm the only one in the world (which I'm sure isn't true) that has this problem, and I'm frustrated because I thought the medicine was going to work. My therapist tells me I need to do exercises where I just block whatever is bothering me out of my mind, but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to do this!

 

I'm really sorry for such a long post, but I am feeling so lost and frustrated. I'm only 19, and most people would say I should be living, for the most part, a carefree, relaxed life. Due to this, I can't imagine how I'm going to be when I'm out of school with a job in the real world and a family to take care of. Does anyone have any advice or a similar problem? I really need to hear from you guys!

[Ronni_W]

Hi Smile.

I'm sorry that you've been suffering with this for so long.

Are you working with a cognitive behavioural therapist (CBT), or have you considered that? In any case, it's possible that you may make better progress with a different therapist; one who uses more varied techniques and has more "exercise" options to offer you.

 

You may also wish to check out the website for Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) - emofree.com

It is a self-taught tool that is also self-administered, and the manual is a free. It's a HUGE manual...but the first 30 pages or so are more than enough to understand the 'whats and hows' to do it.

 

My therapist tells me I need to do exercises where I just block whatever is bothering me out of my mind, but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to do this!

How my therapist describes it is more to REPLACE unwanted thoughts and mental images with something else that is more pleasant. Which could be imagining how you'd spend 10 million dollars, or visualizing yourself being confident and stress-free when you're talking to your manager or working a shift.

 

You may also wish to Google "stress management techniques" or "stress relief tools" for other ideas on how to better manage your conscious mind. Or search for free hypnosis audio or self-hypnosis courses that you can try.

 

That is, build up your arsenal of tools and skills that will help to put you back in charge of things, and feeling more confident and in control. Not everything works for everybody, so it is about having fun and experimenting and find as many that work REALLY WELL for your unique Self.

 

Wishing you the very best -- have fun with finding out what works, and I'd suggest to practice it daily for at least a month before you make any decisions.

You CAN empower yourself to have a totally wonderful, happy and success life...you are worthy of, and you do deserve that!

[smile23]

Thank you so much for the advice Ronni! I'm definitely going to check out the websites that you recommended for me to look at to find techniques to deal better with my anxiety and stress.

 

From your post it appears as though you are dealing with a similar situation? If so, if you don't mind me asking, how long has it been going on and has any of the advice you have given me worked for you? Thanks

[Ronni_W]

Not specifically anxiety, no. But generally not managing my own thoughts as well as they can, and ought to, be managed.

I first got help mostly for being an anal control-freak (though I hadn't actually realized that, going in.) At present, I'd say that I'm more on the "maintenance program" -- but I sure still do have my days...that stretch into weeks!

 

Stress and anger management techniques are basically about regaining personal control/power, seeing the world around us a little more clearly, setting proper boundaries, etc., so they work for most of the day-to-day crap and drama in which we humans find ourselves immersed.

 

I have used all of the tools, yes, and had success with them. But even the ones that work don't seem to always work...I mix & match according to how I'm feeling, or whatever it comes into my mind to do on a specific day or for a specific challenge. (That's why I suggested to learn as many as you can -- IMO, it's good to give one's self options.)

 

I forgot to mention this tool in my earlier post: http://www.richbits.com/RBArchives/45sRB_powerpause.htm

And this is a good (free) resource for general self-awareness: http://eqi.org/eqe96_1.htm