Truly Lost Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Recently, I've been going on dates with different guys. It doesn't work out because either I'm not interested or the guy isn't or one guy imparticular seems to be, but isn't very proactive about staying in touch. This one guy will contact me only once every week or two. I figured the first time we went out and got to know each other, he decided that we weren't really a match. I was ok with that and accepted we weren't going to be hanging out again. But then he calls. We hang out again and have a great night. I don't hear from him for almost two weeks after that?!?! He finally calls and we go out again. Another week passes before he calls me yet again. This time he made me dinner. We had a really awesome night. Now again, I didn't hear from him for a little over a week. Anyway, I'm getting tired of having great nights and no follow through for several days. I now think that I've got myself involved with a "Player". What I wanted to know from everyone on here is......What are general signs to look for in someone who is a "Player"?
BobSacamento Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 That's the thing, the only way to know a player is to be played. If you figure out his game before you get played than he's just a poser. It's science.
spiracles Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 That's the thing, the only way to know a player is to be played. If you figure out his game before you get played than he's just a poser. It's science. awesome. i just fell out of my chair from laughing so hard.
2sunny Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 what's wrong with just enjoying the time you get together? you don't need a man to take up residence in every spare moment of your life for it to be happy or to continue seeing him. are you looking for him to give more time and/or energy or is this enough for the time being? what does he say he's busy doing when you aren't together? it actually sounds like healthy dating for the most part. i wouldn't mind a man that wanted to get together once a week for a fun evening. one that wouldn't try to take over all my spare time and make demands.
Author Truly Lost Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Well, there is a little more to this story. One night I brought him out to meet some friends of mine. We had fun and I hung out with him later alone. Well again, I didn't hear from him for a week. In that time, he was out with a friend of his and ran into one of my female friends. He went to the same high school as her, years ago, and struck up a conversation with her. He later asked for her number. She contacted me the next day to let me know that he asked for her number. She thought I should know. Then the following day, he called her. She again told me he called her. She said they talked about me briefly and he said that he should give me a call. Then he continued on other general topics with her. She said he made it out to sound like we weren't serious (and we aren't). She said he didn't ask her out or anything, just called to talk and they ended their conversation on a polite note. She said she thought the situation was a bit weird and something I should consider as a bad sign. Now to me, this has got "Player" written all over it, but I don't want to overreact either. I just don't know why he would be compelled to call her when he should be calling me. I think I already have my answer. I just wanted to see what everyone on here agrees is a sign of a "Player".
Trialbyfire Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 It's difficult to tell if he is a player or not, based on one post, with some very consolidated information. One thing is for certain though, he's not interested in jumping into a relationship. If you're looking for a relationship, don't be looking at this guy. If you're looking for a fun time here and there, he might be okay.
Author Truly Lost Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Yeah, I don't think he was looking for a relationship with me either. He told me he has some ideals he wanted for a girl that he would consider his girlfriend. When we met and it appeared that I might not be the one for him, I thought it was a null issue. But he pursued calling me. It got me confused and made me think that perhaps there was a chance that we might work out. We have had sex and I knew it might not go much further than that, but to approach a friend of mine is shallow. It would be ackward, if say, she did agree to date him. And lets say the two of them worked out. I don't think I would want to be party to being around two people, one my friend and the other someone I had a previous sexual relationship with. She told me she wouldn't consider being with him, but for him to pursue her is shady. If she hadn't told me about all of this, he probably would still be carrying on with me, while trying to get with her. By the way, I did tell him (the night he met my friends) that she was someone that I don't really keep in contact with. Hmmm.
2sunny Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 she's a friend? my friend wouldn't have given him her phone number - she wasn't being a friend when she gave it to him. she's just a gal willing to be mean to you and to continue stirring the pot. why did she then continue to take his phone calls when she knew you were sort of seeing him? you've got two "so called friends" stabbing you in the back and expecting you to like it... meanwhile you are hearing about it as it moves along...what's up with that?
Author Truly Lost Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 she's a friend? my friend wouldn't have given him her phone number - she wasn't being a friend when she gave it to him. she's just a gal willing to be mean to you and to continue stirring the pot. why did she then continue to take his phone calls when she knew you were sort of seeing him? you've got two "so called friends" stabbing you in the back and expecting you to like it... meanwhile you are hearing about it as it moves along...what's up with that? I called her out on the fact that she gave him her phone number. She didn't elude to anything regarding my question except that she has been in the same "boat" before. She blew it off as me being upset with her and blaming her for his calling. She said she wasn't interested in him and that I was the one that liked him, not her. He is a very attractive man and the night she met him, she told me so. So you can see why this situation makes me uncomfortable. She likes drama and when it has something to do with her being in the winner's circle....you bet she is going to take in on. I'm the one who is going to suffer the most here. She will get the guy, and I'm going to be left feeling used and cheated. She sent me a message on FB tonight saying he called her. She wasn't sure what day, since she was so busy. She assumed that I had already had a conversation with him about his calling her. Which I did. I emailed him about the situation and he didn't reply at all about why he contacted her. Just that he wasn't sure about a few things he wants with me and that its a struggle for him to deal with. He added that he thought I was super cool and also that he thought I was attractive and sweet. I still have no confirmation on where everything is going. Except that its probably going nowhere for me. She told me that she will make sure that she lets me know all the details of the moves he makes with her. She thinks he is a player and recently herself got out of a relationship that hurt her and doesn't want to get involved with a shady guy that is in the process of hurting her friend. I don't know what to think. But those two hooking up will be a catastrophy for me. I'm embarrassed and feel really small. This situation has really lowered my self-esteem. I feel like I wasn't good enough and he is going on to bigger and better things. I think she is going to take the bait.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 She told me that she will make sure that she lets me know all the details of the moves he makes with her. HAHA...omg, she sounds like a GREAT friend. What a cunt. I say drop him completely and quit taking her calls. She is definitely getting a kick out of this one. She'll take the bait for sure - and make sure that you get every little painful detail shoved in your face.
2sunny Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 HAHA...omg, she sounds like a GREAT friend. What a cunt. I say drop him completely and quit taking her calls. She is definitely getting a kick out of this one. She'll take the bait for sure - and make sure that you get every little painful detail shoved in your face. i couldn't agree more. after reading your last post - this is designed to hurt you all the way around. i would DEFINITELY remove myself from all the drama and pain designed to be shoved in your face by so called "friends." delete her from facebook too... otherwise your apt to follow what will transpire. she's as mean as he is. call him and tell him you decided HE'S not the guy you thought he could be - as far as someone who you would prefer to have involved in your life. he needs no explanation further than that. he's not worth any energy exerted at this point.
Recommended Posts