UCLAMike Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 So NC is one thing. Healing is another. So how do we do this? how do we stop feeling depressed and bring healing to the hurt?
CarrieT Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Time. You wake up every morning, put a smile on your face (whether you want to or not), survive the day, and go to bed. After a while, it gets easier -- it may not feel like it ever will, but it does (for me, it took 10 months of NC before I stopped dreaming about him...)
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I think at first, it is literally enough just to get up, get through the day, and go to bed. But when you feel a bit more productive rather than like you are literally surviving there are a few things you can do: * NEVER hold the emotions in. Cry it out, talk it out, write it out, punch it out on a punchbag. EXPRESS yourself. Keeping it in might be neccessary if you are at work etc but otherwise let it out. For some people this is quite uncomfortable but neccessary I think. You get the feelings out, you feel empty, then you can begin to refill yourself. * Rebuild connections with friends or if you have lost friends through the breakup, begin to make new ones, by joining clubs, groups, associations, talking to people at the gym, uni, whatever. SOCIALISE, but don't be around people who will make you feel worse. For me clubbing is a bad environment to be in right now, the girls/guys p*** me off, so while i'm healing I avoid those kind of sleazy environments and focus on being around people who can prove to me and remind me that there is good and decency in people. * Do something that frightens you; go on a rollercoaster, do some public speaking, finally book that dentists appointment. You will be suprised at your own strength and bravery. * Help someone else. Just writing to others on this forum helps me. But volunteer at a shelter, give to chartiy, be there for a friend. It will help you feel good about you and realise you deserve more. * If there was anything you were putting on hold; leaving your job, moving out, travelling, driving lessons - do it now! Someone else on here said to override the overwhelming feeling of love, you need to do something else that will completely overwhelm you. * Focus on developing a new hobby i.e. playing piano. Something that takes focus, concentration, determination, passion and committment (a lot of the qualities a relationship requires) so you are still using these qualities. You won't feel so directionless. * Eat well, sleep well (once you get past the sleepness nights, starvation/over-eating stage) and go to the gym, dance, etc. Take care of yourself so you feel attractive and confident. * Get a pet, see your family more, look after your cousins - anything where you are still using those nurturing feelings. Overall accept that life has no guarantees. Learn to be happy alone and the concept that you may be alone again is not so scary. Love will come again, it may also go again. Take this time to value and find the strength, power and courage in YOU. At first, this feels impossible. But after a while you realise just waking up is a real strength. Some people don't even get that far after a breakup. So be kind to yourself. Put yourself first, but don't lose your compassion for others that may also need help.
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