Im so sick...Just take the pain away.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

I posted here once before.. Married 4 yrs. Told me a month ago he wanted a divorce. Then found out he was cheating. He isnt with the girl anymore but this is the 3rd time..

 

My problem is I can't seem to feel better. I cant get rid of the constant thoughts of him. I can't eat I've lost like 15 pounds in this last month.

I have a stomach bug and a cold and stress I think is what is causing me to get so sick. I feel this huge hole in my heart. Like I'm dying on the inside. I pray I read the bible I try to keep my mind on other things. How come it seems to feel like the pain is getting worse instead of better.

 

I am alway's crying on the inside. I have read just about EVERYTHING on the internet about getting over breakups and then I read posts here saying people are doing it to themselves. I don't think loving someone so much that the pain eats away at you is a persons fault. I just want to sleep for a week. I have my 4 children to think about. I have been a homeaker for 8 yrs. I feel scared and alone. I hate torturing myself and yet I can't seem to stop. I have heard people say that pain gets better everyday but it feels worse to me. When is this pain going to atleast get easier. Today I feel as if I can go on no longer and I have lost more then just the fight but am losing the war. Defeated..

[hopesndreams]

Fear of the unknown could be what's eating you up inside. That's what I understand from what you have written. He was your world, you made him your world and now is the time to make yourself the priority. Recovery is within you. Love yourself more than loving him.

[Gunny376]

I posted here once before.. Married 4 yrs. Told me a month ago he wanted a divorce. Then found out he was cheating. He isn't with the girl anymore but this is the 3rd time..

 

My problem is I can't seem to feel better. I cant get rid of the constant thoughts of him. I can't eat I've lost like 15 pounds in this last month.

I have a stomach bug and a cold and stress I think is what is causing me to get so sick. I feel this huge hole in my heart. Like I'm dying on the inside. I pray I read the bible I try to keep my mind on other things. How come it seems to feel like the pain is getting worse instead of better.

 

I am always crying on the inside. I have read just about EVERYTHING on the Internet about getting over breakups and then I read posts here saying people are doing it to themselves. I don't think loving someone so much that the pain eats away at you is a persons fault. I just want to sleep for a week. I have my 4 children to think about. I have been a homemaker for 8 yrs. I feel scared and alone. I hate torturing myself and yet I can't seem to stop. I have heard people say that pain gets better everyday but it feels worse to me. When is this pain going to at least get easier. Today I feel as if I can go on no longer and I have lost more then just the fight but am losing the war. Defeated..

 

There was a most excellent program on TLC tonight which ran four or five one-hour programs back to back, and then ran them again titled "The Evolution Of Sex. The last one was very, very informative about why some people cheat and others don't, why some people can't make it past the "seven year itch" and others are still as just in love and together forty years later.

 

It was so good and informative that I would even recommend that you go to the TLC website and buy copies of them.

 

Basically its bio-chemical and hormonal. The short of it is that your addicted to your DH, and your going through withdrawal from that which you were addicted to.

 

Were I too kidnap you and whisk you away to say Arizona for six months to a year ~ Ref to the movie ~ "Black Moon Rising" you would wonder what in the Hell you ever seen in the smuck to begin with?

 

Having read "Brain Sex" I've been suspicious of their being a bio-chemical / hormonal influence to being "in love" from the get-go! Having watched the TLC special, read National Geographic, Time, etc ~ now I know.

 

Basically there's a hormone produced by the brain (oxymorin?) that if produced by both partners in high amount = a long term relationship, satisfying relationship

[Gunny376]

And yes stress will reduce your auto-immune defense!

 

What I would recommend is go total NC, and dump this @sshat yesterday!

 

Become self-validating, and self supporting!

 

Once your parents are gone? Your pretty much on your own anyway?

[brokensoulzzz]

3 weeks after getting out of jail, she has had the time of her life dating partying with coworkers, my kids have seen HIM on her cell phone, she has my kids, our house and our stuff for now, family court will be long and drawn out, but at the end of the day i still want her back, it makes me sick and want to die inside... checkout my 2 other posts for my help, ill try to help u if you can help me get thru this

[Jdw_Icequeen]

First off I would like to say to gunny yes pls wisk me away lol..

 

Soulzzz, I completley understand what your going through and think it would be great to have a support system for eachother to help eachother

get through things..

 

Today I feel much better. Somtimes it is SOOOOO hard to have any selfconfidence. That chemical you were speaking of in my brain if there is an antedote you should send that my way.. This is eating me up inside.

 

He says he isnt with her anymore. Not like I would know anyway he has been living 3 hours away for almost a month. He use to work up there and would come home one week a month. That pretty much killed our relationship. I do have this undying love for him and someimtes float away in fantasies of being happy. It seems so stupid after all he is done to me but the fantasies make me happy for a while and even though there probably not healthy and I need to move on. Just that 20 mins of happiness is almost worth it. Somedays I can see myself moving on.

I can almost see a happy future WITHOUT him. Its almost like I dont want to imagine it. Today he told me he is trying to come back home. He has been camping staying in hotels playing the irresponsible single guy.

 

What he needs to do is bring his butt home to see his kids help me with the house and bills and find a job. He recently got laid off.

Yes 90 percent of me dosent want to see him.. I have been ok the last month knowing he wont pop in and out whenever he wants. This is unrealistic because we have kids together and it hurts me to hear my 3 yr old tell me how much she misses daddy.

 

About 4 days ago we played are childish phase of calling names putting eachother down a small satisfaction I got from it until later. Then I realized I need to forgive him for my sanity. I need to have a civil relationship with him for the kids sake. SOO the deadline walks.

He is having car trouble. So he wont be popping in at any moment anyway. I keep telling myself I can do this. I try to see the positive side of him being here. I will have someone to watch the kids and help me with them while I am taking my tests and looking for a job. He will sooner or later find one and he can move out. Yes today is a beautiful day. Its very possible the thought of him being here makes me feel more secure and less lonley. When I sort out my situation of getting a job. I really think I will feel much better. Atleast the scared part.

[webmuse]

Hmm.. he got laid off & now wants to come back home??

I would not let him come back!!!!

4 years.. already cheated at LEAST 3 times(that you know of!).. wow, I don't know how you could even look at him, much less want him back in your home.. I know love is illogical but .. wow.

 

I know it hurts but you really gotta consider the future.. you really want to live the rest of your life wondering if he's cheating?

 

I know it's easier to ease the pain by being with him right now but it's gonna hurt a lot more down the road.

 

You have 4 kids? Think about this, what are you teaching your kids? Would you want your kids to either think it's ok to cheat or it's ok to be with a cheating scumbag?

 

My final piece of advice is.. no matter what, I don't think you should touch him with a 10 foot pole until he goes & gets tested & cleared for STD's!

[LovieDove24]

I wholeheartedly agree with Gunny. You are definitely addicted to this man, but don't be ashamed because it happens to everyone. EVERYONE at sometime feels lovesick.

 

Anyways, please go easy on yourself and realize that you will have good days and bad days. During the bad days remind yourself it will only be a matter of a few weeks or a few months until you feel better again. If six months down the road you start to reminisce again, don't get down on yourself...this is normal. Just remember EVENTUALLY you will ALWAYS snap out of it.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Hmm.. he got laid off & now wants to come back home??

I would not let him come back!!!!

4 years.. already cheated at LEAST 3 times(that you know of!).. wow, I don't know how you could even look at him, much less want him back in your home.. I know love is illogical but .. wow.

 

I know it hurts but you really gotta consider the future.. you really want to live the rest of your life wondering if he's cheating?

 

I know it's easier to ease the pain by being with him right now but it's gonna hurt a lot more down the road.

 

You have 4 kids? Think about this, what are you teaching your kids? Would you want your kids to either think it's ok to cheat or it's ok to be with a cheating scumbag?

 

My final piece of advice is.. no matter what, I don't think you should touch him with a 10 foot pole until he goes & gets tested & cleared for STD's!

 

Well thank you for your input.. I am not sure if you got the just of what I said.. Im not taking him back and I won't be intimate with him. Yes I have some love sick issues. I want him to come home and help me with the kids he is staying in hotels partying etc. The money is coming out of our bank account. He hasnt seen his kids in almost a month. You say don't let him back? I say he needs to be with his kids and help me with them.

 

If he is going to sit on his butt and get unemployment he needs to be taking care of his kids while I am working. Ya it sucks to be in that situation but we have NO MONEY!! he dosen't have the money to move out. Somtimes no matter how selfish you want to be you need to think of your future. My future isn't going to bliss either way. But it will be better when I can get a job can afford child care and my bills. Maybe he can even move out on his unemployment checks. I don't know. But he better be thinking about child support. However I never said I was going to take him back. He is homeless and I need help with kids. Things will go easier if we can just help eachother out. He can screw anyone he wants. Thats a life I am no longer apart of..

[webmuse]

Today he told me he is trying to come back home. He has been camping staying in hotels playing the irresponsible single guy.

 

I didn't mean to offend you..this statement from your post makes me wonder.. I just don't understand whats stopping him from coming back..

If he has money for hotel, then he has money to get back... I bet if there weren't anymore money in the bank for his hotel rooms he'd be motivated to come back..

 

You say he doesn't have the money to move out, but he isn't living there right now is he?

I dunno, not trying to be harsh, just hoping you aren't making excuses for him

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Well he was staying in hotels and camping because obviously he wants to stay away from me.. Which is the best way to get over someone.

 

He did come back 3 days ago now and omg it almost killed me.

He was such a nasty person. Heard him talking on the phone with his gf talking crap about me. It hurt so bad it pushed me over the edge.

I completley avoided him the next day but he kept pushing me to talk to him, asking me why I was angry and what was wrong.

 

It's not even just that he has just been a lazy slob since he has been here, not helping with the kids the house or anything. A part of me wanted to see him again because I loved him and missed him. We fought pretty much constantly and I saw nothing but a disgusting wicked person.

 

He plays head games.. At the start of this post I was so love sick and missed him. He left yesterday.. Total releif I tell you. I am so glad he is gone I pray he dosent come back. I needed his horribleness to give me the boost I needed to STOP being love sick. I wasn't trying to make excuses for him. I did want to see him I still thought I loved him, he does have friends he can stay with though. I would'nt want him to be homeless but at the same time I would rather him be homeless then ever see him again..

 

That probably sounded like a bitch but I can't function at all with him here. TODAY I AM HAPPY!! Today I no longer hope for a happy ending with us to this nightmare but look forward to a future without him!!

 

YA ME!!

thank you for your comments Muse I do appriciate them!!

[boogieboy]

Somedays I can see myself moving on.

I can almost see a happy future WITHOUT him.

 

I say start your healing process by constantly working this in your head. This is a really good start. Bury yourself in your work and your kids. Whatever takes your mind off the hubby. It will take a while but it will work. it takes time, patience, and alot of willpower work with your own thoughts.

 

For instance, To stop thinking of my ex, I just transferred my thoughts to songs i liked. I didnt play the songs on my computer, i sat in bed and played them in my head.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Thank you BB..

 

I have tried everything somtimes it works and somtimes its impossible.

Not feeling to well again today. I had company and plans yesterday made everything better to have somthing to do. Problem is I feel so ill and depressed alot of the time I just feel sick, like I have been hit by a train and then it backs up over me because it wasn't satisfied the first time.

 

I wrote my goodbye letter a few days ago. I read somwhere it is suppose to help to write a final goodbye. Not send it or anything but just write it.

It helped, just not as much as I would have liked. O well here I am again today trying to live one day at a time..

[Gunny376]

Thank you BB..

 

I have tried everything somtimes it works and somtimes its impossible.

Not feeling to well again today. I had company and plans yesterday made everything better to have somthing to do. Problem is I feel so ill and depressed alot of the time I just feel sick, like I have been hit by a train and then it backs up over me because it wasn't satisfied the first time.

 

I wrote my goodbye letter a few days ago. I read somwhere it is suppose to help to write a final goodbye. Not send it or anything but just write it.

It helped, just not as much as I would have liked. O well here I am again today trying to live one day at a time..

 

I believe its called "Verbaliztion" in expressing your feelings and in venting them.

 

You don't have to send the letter, the point is in 'venting' them! Getting them out of your system?

 

I would suggest you keep aprivate journal!

[Jdw_Icequeen]

I did keep a journal for a while. Then I really just lost interest after about 3 days of writing. I enjoy writing, making up short stories, poems, etc..

 

When it comes to my feelings not only am I so sick of feeling them but sick of writing about them to myself. I think what else could I be doing then writing about my feelings that I wish would disapear.

 

I think it would be great if they would make a tool to erase whatever parts of your memory you didn't want anymore..

[wild trillium]

I lost 40 pounds on my divorce diet 2 years ago now. Like you, I was absolutely addicted to my xhusband. I tried everything I could think of to try to save our marriage at the time.He was having none of it.

 

Although I am now having problems in a rerun relationship from way before the xhusband- I am overall much happier now. He also tried to get back into my life and although it hurt like hell at the time- I cut all communication excluding business related dealings with him.

 

It took me a while to get to dating again-almost a year. I had lost total confidence in myself with the break up of my marriage. It gets better, I swear. Stick to your guns and know what YOU must have to have a real relationship.While there is nothing wrong with giving a fair amount of chances sometimes you have to to cut the cord and move on. Which is where I'm probably headed at this point, myself. At least I didn't marry this one!

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Thank you.. I know in my heart that I will be much better off without him.

 

He told me las night he loves this other girl he is seeing. That hurt, I kinda hoped it would be easier to hear it now after we had been a part for a while.. I am really stuck though he has been laid off, were a month behind on rent coming up on 2 months, I have next to no money.

I am currently working on my GED so I can get a job as a medical assistant I graduated for that last year.

 

I have the 4 kids and the house and no money I am so worried about everything I went to a food bank last week. I am going to try to get on welfare until I get a job. I need to call to get a free lawyer too. He thinks they wont take alimony or child support out of his unemployment but he is an idiot.

 

He is hoping unemployment will start in 3 weeks. He says he will help me with the bills etc. I am doing everything I can and feel like I am drownding. As if I didn't have enough to worry about. I know when I get a job i will feel better about myself and the situation. I still have my MATH to take on the GED. Pray for me lol.. Math is my enemy.

 

I am just so hurt.. Im so sick of everything. I pray I don't lose my house.

When he was here he would call me babe honey etc.. The way he looks at me made me know he still had feelings for me. This makes it all worse though. I don't want to live in denial or have false hopes. I am trying SO HARD to cut the ties and emotions of how I feel for him and at the same time struggling to live. Somedays I really don't have the strength to go on anymore. I just want to lay in bed forever. I have looked for counseling.

 

I can't afford it though. I have looked for divorce groups, which also cost money that I don't have. So here I am again just living one day at a time.

[wild trillium]

Good for you for working toward getting your GED! That is awesome. With some education you can keep building on to it a little at a time or maybe a lot with financial aid if your finances are as bad as you say. You may want to think about nursing school once you pass your GED test, if you are medically inclined. There are many community colleges that offer LPN (LVN) training courses that are about 1 year long once you have your prerequisites done. If you are hired by a hospital or someplace similar your employer may be willing to extend educational assistance to you to continue even farther! With this kind of education you will never be without employment if you are competent at it and it certainly pays well, plus there is the added bonus of being able to help people who really need it.Maybe I have that list a little backwards but the point it is the same. You can do it, for yourself and your children if you choose to.

 

As far as math goes I was "diagnosed" (ie: labeled)with a learning disability in math in high school. I am currently working on my 2nd college degree.Both of which are in technical fields requiring loads the dreaded evil math. I found that my anxiety about it was far worse than my inability to process the numbers. I now believe that the anxiety was the real disability.Self doubt can really screw a person up sometimes. I was a high school drop out due to a dysfunctional family situation and earned my GED the summer after I quit highschool.

 

Many community colleges offer free tutoring. You may be able to get help through a free tutoring program in a college now. There are basic math to basic algebra/geometry tutorials online for free. I know because I had to use them to get through some courses. Many community college developmental math professors are experienced with working with people who need a little extra help due to math anxiety.Go online fill out a Fafsa form as soon as you pass your GED.You may be surprised at what could be available to you considering your situation in the way of financial aid for schooling.

 

As far as counseling is concerned you may want to check your local free clinic.They sometimes run free mental health clinics. You may be able to get that counseling afterall. In the meantime try to eat healthy, drink plenty of water and do activities that you enjoy.I doubt getting exercise is an issue if you have 4 kids. There is an herbal supplement called St. John's Wort that is effective for some types of depression. I used it when going through my divorce and felt that it did alleiviate some of the symptoms. Give it a Google and see if you think it might be worth trying out.

 

Get your public assistance if you need it, shop at Goodwill & the Salvation Army thrift stores and find out through your utiliy companies what you can do to make payments or to get a referral to an agency that can help you with those bills.

 

You are going to be so busy bettering yourself for yourself and your kids that you won't have time to wallow over a deceitful man who apparently doesn't understand that love is something that is done, not just said. Sooner or later he will cheat on the new chick in his life or better yet karma will bite him on the ass and she will cheat on him.

 

You have a whole new & wonderful life ahead of you.Just make it happen.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Thank you Trillium..

 

I went to school last year for Medical assisting. But they won't hire you without your GED.. My goal is to go to school for RN 3 yr course after of prereqs. I know I have alot going for me. I'm Just stuck at the moment.

 

I tried to get on welfare but they want to give me about 375 a month and want me to work 40 hours a week for it. I am going to try to get a job today, its on minimum wage but more then 375 a month. It will barley pay my rent but I have a few people to help me and am praying everything will work out.

 

I will try to sign up for food assistance and there are people from organizations that can help with rent and bills. I am only keeping this job until I finish my GED and can get a job as an MA.

 

There flexible and probably will give me some time off to take the classes I need. I found a program that will give me a free GED book and classes for math. As soon as I am done I just have to find a job. I plan on signing up for every organization that helps you with the job search.

 

As for him.. Thats what I keep saying, karma will bite him in the ass and hard. He cheated on his first gf like 8 times then left her for me. He cheated on me 3 times and now is leaving me. I think he needs serious therapy. I don't think he will ever be happy in a relationship. He once said that he can only be happy if everything is almost perfect. Love isn't perfect, its just love and someday maybe he will realize that.

 

I think he will regret hurting people the way he has. Its only a matter of time and I don't ever see him being happy in a relationship or making anyone else happy. He will be the first one to admit he is a VERY selfish person. I just keep reminding myself I deserve much better and will be happier with out him..