ilovefreshair Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I've known this guy for about 6 months, we're team mates turned friends. We went out as a team and ended up chatting most of the night. We went to a club after (again as a team) and when I was approached by another guy, it was clear he was jealous/protective. At the end of the night he went out of his way to walk my friend and I to my car.. The lot of us went out again this weekend and like the time previous, we gravitated towards each other but this time, one thing lead to another and I ended up spending the night with him. It was totally unexpected... I'm now a little confused because the whole start to it all seemed to be moving towards a possible relationship and then this kind of threw a wrench into things. Believe me, I know that hooking up this quickly is not the best way to approach a relationship.... have I messed things up forever? Just to be clear, I have no regrets regardless of how this ends up.. I'm mature enough to handle it either way! Has anyone had a similar experience??? If so, how did it turn out??
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I'm not proud of it, but I ended up sleeping with my now BF on the second date. It's a $lu++y way to go about it (seriously - I'm accusing myself), but it's a good way to weed out who's really serious and who's only playing around. If he's serious, he'll stick around even after he got the sex. If he's just playing around, then he'll be gone (or try to use you as a booty call). A man that is SERIOUSLY interested in you is not going to run because he got sex. So, if things were really headed towards "relationship" with this guy, sex will not derail it. Given the choice again, I would have waited longer to have sex...just because it changes the dynamic quicker.
jadziaidaris Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I wouldn't worry about it either. I slept with my ex-hsuband on the first date and that relationship lasted for 12 years. If the relationship was going to happen, this won't deter from it. I am currently dating a man that was my friend for 10 years. Let's just say one drunken night we ended up in bed. After that we started dating. Things are progressing slowly, but nicely and we get to have sex!
Author ilovefreshair Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I have an update. I decided to call him last night and clear the air, at least to salvage our friendship. He was very friendly, said he was glad I had called and we talked about what happened. It was a bit awkward, naturally, but I basically just wanted him to know that it wasn't some drunken mistake. We both agreed it was good and nothing to regret. Then it got a little strange, as if he wanted to say something but was chickening out.. I don't know though. We chatted for about 15mins about other stuff. He again said he was glad I called and now he had my number. I had played it kind of cool so I'm thinking he might have needed some time to digest what I had said/done. It was hard enough to make the call! At any rate, I felt so much better after. Now I won't look back on what happened and wonder "what if". Lines of communication are open so we shall see.. I'll post an update if there's anything to report
Author ilovefreshair Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 So it's been nearly a week and I have not heard anything from him. I've played over everything in my head and have come to the usual conclusion that I just don't get people. Ie. Why would he say he was glad to hear from me and that now he had my number if he wasn't interested? No need to say anything at all if he didn't want to. But then.. why haven't I heard from him? He seemed shy when I first met him, so maybe he is shy to make a move. I was the one who started the flirting that night but he initiated my going home with him. So.. again, confusing. Could I have played it too cool when we chatted? I'm thinking that I might call him later this week and ask him out, but I don't want to beat a dead horse. So what do you guys think? Let it go or worth a call? I'm on the fence about it.
paddington bear Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Don't call! Read the above posts. Sex so soon will not put a guy off if he's interested. He has your number, if he wanted to see you again, he would call you. You called him last, were mature enough to try to clear the air, ball is in his court. Don't use shyness as an excuse for him - I did this with so many guys 'he's too shy', 'he's not the type of guy who initiates things' 'he's just got out of a relationship and is out of practice' and on and on. In my experience anyway, all these excuses I made for various guys were just that, excuses, their shyness or whatever didn't prevent them from asking other girls out, or picking up the phone to other girls and dating other girls. Also that unsaid thing that he didn't say...who knows what that was, but it gave you an uneasy feeling??? That's the impression I'm getting, that you cleared the air, but that you sensed something was off. I'm obsessed with following my gut instinct at the moment. What was yours from that phone call? Don't think about what he said, think about what vibes you felt. If you call him now, you're chasing him. Let him come to you if he wants. He probably was glad to hear from you, but also people try to be polite particularly to a phone call out of the blue from a woman you've recently had sex with who wants to discuss the said night of passion. Don't read too much into why he said he was glad to hear from you and that he's glad to have your number. I've also been in (far too many situations) where the guy in question totally means what he's saying at the time, but then when that time passes, he changes his mind. It's not that he's being knowingly dishonest, it's just that maybe something else happens or he thinks about it, and at a later time what he said to you is not longer true.
Author ilovefreshair Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 Great advice, thank you! See that's what's confusing to me. I too agree in trusting your gut and I felt great after having spoken to him. It felt so natural and genuine. Things seemed really positive, and the fact that we were able to chat about what happened without it being TOO weird was nice. I have no idea what he seemed to want to say, but I didn't think it was negative. It's only now, after nearly a week that I've started to feel uneasy and question things because I felt certain that I would hear from him by now! At any rate, I think you're right and just needed someone to affirm what I already felt. If he wants me, he'll call!
tinklebell Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Ie. Why would he say he was glad to hear from me and that now he had my number if he wasn't interested? No need to say anything at all if he didn't want to. But then.. why haven't I heard from him? He seemed shy when I first met him, so maybe he is shy to make a move. I was the one who started the flirting that night but he initiated my going home with him. So.. again, confusing. There are many people who are just being polite. Many of these people are also too chicken to say what they really mean so they think of something nice to say. I don't think shy people would initiate that you go home with him. I hope you keep up with your not calling him attitude.
D-Lish Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Sometimes people are just interested in a hook up and nothing more. It doesn't matter if you slept with him on the second date, that doesn't make you slutty! Aren't you going to see him again at another team function? See how things progress from there...
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