MeMyself&I Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Hi Everyone, I've been/was talking with this guy. He just got out of a bad relationship. Bad as in the woman was 37 and he is 25. She instantly wanted to be serious and then he got involved in a relationship with her and he felt trapped. He didn't want to hurt her and let it go on and finally broke it off with her not to long before we started talking and hanging out. He was very cautious at first with me and made it clear he was still leery after what happened with her and my being the same age as her probably makes him even more leery because of that similarity. But she has a lot of problems.........alcoholic, past drug history, three failed marriages (I'm not judging her she just has definite issues) I also, since it's a small town, do know who she is although we are not friends. I am nothing like her. Everyone has their problems but I have no drug dependency problems, am well-educated, take good care of myself physically, etc, etc. Well I'm not sure if he just wanted a booty-call or was just being cautious. When I told him I didn't just want a booty call he seemed cool and we continued to talk and hang out other times. When I finally hinted at actually a date or something, he told me to call him later that day and see whether he had to work....he's a farmer and it is Spring planting and they ARE busy. So before I could call him that day, he called me and said he was hanging out with friends, drinking and bbq-ing and wouldn't be able to go to a movie or anything. I told him okay and said for him to have fun and keep in touch. He told me he'd like to see me again and that's the last time I heard from him unitl about 2 weeks later when I ran into him last weekend at the bar I frequent and he knows that. He came in with all his young buddies. He basically came over to me. Said, hi that he'd been busy and then he went and sat with his friends for a bout a 1/2 hour. Then he got up and came over and said they were leaving. When I said he was welcome to hang out he said that they were heading to town (where the bigger clubs are) and had "things to do". I said okay have fun bye. I haven't contacted him since and he hasn't either (in a week). Friday night a girl who dates one of his best friend mentioned him and me (she must have heard about us from her boyfriend) and said that he is really cautious and freaked out about what happened with the other girl and he is still recovering from that and that is probably why he is acting the way he is.......especially since she was older than him too. My question is 1) should I just play it by ear, leave it, alone and just see what happens. 2) should I call him and tell him I get that he is leery after his last relationship, I understand he's enjoying hanging out with his friends, and I'm okay with things being casual/slow with us? I wasn't pushing for serious just something more than booty call but less than exclusive at this point. 3) should I assume he just wanted a booty call and didn't get it and is blowing me off? 4) and even if it is because of the other girl should I just move on cause obviously he's not ready for anything? I just really enjoyed my time with him. He's fun and funny and he brings out the comedian in me too. I'd like to have some kind of relationship with him even if it's just keeping in touch, friends......whatever. Advice and comments please.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I'm going with lost cause on this one. It shouldn't be quite THIS complicated. I don't think he's ready for anything healthy - clearly, based on his behavior. If he decides he's interested, he'll pursue you. I don't think it turns out well when the female pursues. But especially more so in your case because of the way his ex was.
Kamille Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 My question is 1) should I just play it by ear, leave it, alone and just see what happens. 2) should I call him and tell him I get that he is leery after his last relationship, I understand he's enjoying hanging out with his friends, and I'm okay with things being casual/slow with us? I wasn't pushing for serious just something more than booty call but less than exclusive at this point. 3) should I assume he just wanted a booty call and didn't get it and is blowing me off? 4) and even if it is because of the other girl should I just move on cause obviously he's not ready for anything? I vote for number 1. You want more then he's willing to offer right now. You may think you'd be ok with casual - but I think that if it's a relationship you're looking for, you would be selling youself shor with this guy. There's nothing wrong with knowing you want a relationship. I think you did the right thing by being upfront with him. He's clearly demonstrated he isn't ready. His loss.
Author MeMyself&I Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Thanks you guys. You are right. I've been thinking it over and talking to my other girlfriends and you hit it on the nail. It shouldn't be that complicated AND whether the ex is the reason or not, he clearly isn't ready for anything but CASUAL. And like I said I don't need promises of forever but I do need to know he cares and respects me to enjoy a sexual relationship with someone. I think it's time to concentrate on summer, sunshine, tans, bbq's, recreation and camping. Like I said thank you for your feedback.
Recommended Posts