tangible Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I'm really hoping that someone on here will be able to shed some light on my situation because I honestly don't understand what I am doing wrong. I'm 18 and in college and I've never had any kind of serious relationship. I haven't really ever worked to start one because I just sort of figured it would work out when I found the right person, but so far I haven't had any kind of luck with that. The only approaches I seem to get are from guys who want some kind of sleezy relationship, primarily to cheat on their girlfriends with me though there have been other situations. No one has ever asked me on any kind of legitimate date. I don't really dress promiscuously but I'm not grungy all the time either. I think I am a normal person, not extremely attractive or unattractive. I don't understand why guys seem to think I would be okay to sleep with casually but not to date. I would never knowingly enter any kind of relationship where I was the "other woman" or something awful like that and I don't understand why that is the only kind of guy I can attract. I flirt with guys I am interested in, but nothing comes of it. All I want is a normal relationship, not to be someone's whore on the side! I was wondering if anyone had any insight into what I might be doing to sabotage myself/attract this kind of guy rather than someone who would want to date me? What sort of things would cause a guy to think of a girl only in terms of casual sex rather than someone to potentially date?
LoveLace Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Sorry hon, I still have this problem and I'm in my 30's.. I attract the same kind of situations...I don't dress promiscuously, either...and I'm not unattractive, either...and like you, I make effort to flirt with guys I like but like you, nothing comes out of it unless they decide I'm useful for one reason only...like cheating on their GF. Just keep being yourself the way you have been...but don't be afraid to sexy up a little when your going out for a party...if you don't normally show some cleavage, for example, try it...just a little something to step out of your comfort zone and appear sexier...other than that, shouldn't need to do anything but be yourself. You are only 18 so that is young and the men you talk to are probably younger as well and that makes a difference, too (well...sometimes...haha)guys that age don't usually want a relationship or don't want to be faithful with what they have. Just have patience and keep being you...you have plenty of time for that and you'll be glad when you waited.
Land Shark Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Feel free to PM me and maybe we can arrange something. It's not often you find a woman interested in a meaningless fling!
You'reasian Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I'm really hoping that someone on here will be able to shed some light on my situation because I honestly don't understand what I am doing wrong. I'm 18 and in college and I've never had any kind of serious relationship. I haven't really ever worked to start one because I just sort of figured it would work out when I found the right person, but so far I haven't had any kind of luck with that. The only approaches I seem to get are from guys who want some kind of sleezy relationship, primarily to cheat on their girlfriends with me though there have been other situations. No one has ever asked me on any kind of legitimate date. I don't really dress promiscuously but I'm not grungy all the time either. I think I am a normal person, not extremely attractive or unattractive. I don't understand why guys seem to think I would be okay to sleep with casually but not to date. I would never knowingly enter any kind of relationship where I was the "other woman" or something awful like that and I don't understand why that is the only kind of guy I can attract. I flirt with guys I am interested in, but nothing comes of it. All I want is a normal relationship, not to be someone's whore on the side! I was wondering if anyone had any insight into what I might be doing to sabotage myself/attract this kind of guy rather than someone who would want to date me? What sort of things would cause a guy to think of a girl only in terms of casual sex rather than someone to potentially date? Bottom line - you are 18. The majority of us guys who were (or are) 18 aren't really relationship capable. Just have fun and enjoy dating until you find someone who would be available. If you are looking for a more serious kind of relationship, you might have to entertain dating older guys - but that is no guarantee either. Be yourself. Date. Have fun and you'll eventually find your relationship guy.
Ariadne Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Hi, You are probably very hot and guys can't resist that. It doesn't matter what they say, but your attitude towards them once they address you. That will set them straight in the way that you think, without drama.
MeMyself&I Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Just like LoveLace, I'm in my 30s and still have this problem still too. One of the things I've learned is not to make yourself too available. I'm not saying your doing this. But in you post it seems like you are doing all the right things. and the one thing I've noticed with me is that if I let the guys I like know right away I'm theirs if they want me and they don't have to make any effort so they don't.....that they soon put me in the category of booty call, if nothing else comes along better or just no challenge. Of course I am none of these things (and I can tell by your post you don't want that either), but I just thought I'd share this with you so you can evaluate "how" you approach men. You are 18 so many men your age are still emotionally maturing too. So I think if you are patient and just be yourself like many of the others said, you will eventually have a meaningful relationship.
Enema Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 It's your age. Expecting a serious relationship at 18 is silly. 18 year old guys have one thing on the brain, clearly evidenced by your post.
carhill Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 So, OP, pick a guy whom you have some interest in and/or connection with and ask him out.
tigressA Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I think this could be remedied by looking at older guys. I got into my first serious relationship when I was 19 and my boyfriend at the time was 22. Not that much difference in age, but I found that there were more commitment-oriented guys in their 20s than commitment-oriented guys who are your age. Also, like carhill said, you could take the proactive route and do some of the asking yourself. Some guys really dig girls who make the first move.
BentSpine Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 You want to be approached by guys who care about you. Problem is that those guys must also care how you will respond if they approach you. So they fear letting their feelings be known to you, they don't approach you directly. But if you discard guys who don't approach you, then you'll miss this big group of guys. The other big group of guys are the ones that don't really care about you that much, so if you reject them it doesn't hurt much. These are the guys that after the first minutes of meeting, could see themselves having sex with you. Since they don't, yet, care about you if you reject them, they will of course propose you for a sexual relationship. If you accept, nice, if you reject, well you weren't that important to them anyway. It's Win-Draw situation for the emotionally uninvested guy. So of course once he has discovered that rejection didn't kill him, and that he has a lot to win from hitting on (plenty) women, he is going to do just that. Hit on women left, right and center. Don't feel resentful, men want sex and as long as they take a no for a no you cannot blame them for trying, can you? Cannot deny that these guys are go-getters. A trait which some women value. Realise that once a guy becomes fearless about approaching YOU, he will be just as fearless about approaching any other woman whom he isn't invested in. So how are you going to get approached by (nervous) guys? You can help yourself by not being judgemental, by becoming special by standing up for you convictions and interests and by going to places where you'll meet like minded. The shy guys can also help themselves by coming to grips with who they are and what they appreciate so that when they meet & click with you, they realise this is a moment that may not return. So their fear of never meeting someone like you again will be greater than their fear of rejection. The shy guys will also become emboldened by growing tired of masturbating.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I also have this problem and am older then the OP. I just find too many men, disappointingly enough, rather act like little boys then grown up men. Maybe it's our current culture. The past few generations never really had to live through anthing truly difficult. And the media focuses on a "me, me me' society. I don't think men want to test themselves anymore and rather take the easy way. It's easy to sleep around and take no responsiblity for another person. It's much harder to invovle yourself in a relationship where you have to consider someone else and where you will have to prove yourself to them in turn. East sex is fun...because it's "easy". But I think most women want a man that wants to put himself to the test, raise to the occasion, act like a grown man that you can trust and have faith in. I don't know what to tell you OP. You are young. So I suggest that you keep the players at bay and maybe look outside the normal type of guy you encounter or are attracted to.
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