ahhhhh! epic relationship confusion

[parklife]

this is an ESSAY but wow i have the most amazing/weird/heartbreaking story ever...

 

so i met this boy a while back, and from the first conversation we fell for each other. he was amazing. we had so much in common; we sometimes literally spent all night talking (usually like 11 PM to 4 AM on the phone). the problem was he had a girlfriend, who, according to him was a total bitch (she's also psycho, suicidal, uneducated, and basically has zero personality). but he told me at the time he was thinking about marrying and moving in with this girl (they were together for 5 years), so i kinda lost hope anything would happen with us. i was fine just being his friend. he lives very far away anyway, and i didn't think i'd ever be into long distance relationships.

 

then, around new years, he confessed that he had a thing for me. i told him i felt the same... long story short he left that girl for me. and oh january was the best month of my life... he was sickeningly lovey with me (he'd tell me he loves me about ever two seconds) and would constantly tell me everything he loves about me, "you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen", and how we're soulmates and we'd be together forever... how he's never felt this way, he doesn't deserve me etc etc... i felt the exact same way. everything about his personality is what i'd always wished i would find.

 

well, february rolls in and he decides to take a two week trip over to Canada to see his ex girlfriend (they had a distance relationship and had planned this trip in advance of all this). despite all my friends warnings about how bad this idea was, i let him go because i trusted him ("i'll miss you so much it'll probably cause problems while i'm there" "i don't know if i can be away from you for that long" "it'll probably be a miserable time") and i wanted him to have a vacation experience (he's never been out of the country). the only thing i was worried about was the time limit she put on our calls (30 minutes a day! what is that!).

 

turns out that was a BIG mistake!! the first day he talks to me i tell him how much i miss him. he replies with "....well personally i'm having lots of fun!" he then goes on to say that he feels happy with her and it feels "naturally coupleish" and things got "touchy". i was so devastated, i thought: oh my god everyone was right i'm such an idiot for letting him go... but he still tells me he loves me, that he knows he doesn't want to be with her. okay, i say. i trust him. the rest of the two weeks pass and (other than him "accidentally" "almost" having sex with her...), because we don't get to talk much, it wasn't easy to distinguish between the good days and the bad days. it pretty much felt like he was just totally gone. i was absolutely miserable. i thought that proved that i really do love him.

 

well when he came back he had been acting extremely distant. i asked him what was wrong and he said "i feel split. i don't like being home, i felt more comfortable at haley's (i think this is because she basically showered him with presents and food). i know i love you and we're good together - leaving you would be leaving my soulmate - but i don't feel attached to you anymore. i need time to adjust." that's fine with me, i'll wait. well a few days later - still as distant and weird as ever - he admits that he slept with her ("many times" "because after the first time it was like it didn't matter anymore") because she practically begged him to (but he said it wasn't good and felt passionless). i didn't expect it to hurt so much but it did. it really did. but i understand why he did it and i forgave him, again.

 

the next day he says "i think maybe i should break up with you" because "if i'm going to sort of date someone else i can't be with you now can i?" but he took this back half an hour later after making me get him to realize how "stupid" he'd be.

 

in the end he chose me. yay!

 

the present

the past two months have been wonderful. everything feels so perfect and blissful. we never fight, just recently she has stopped talking to him (he wanted to be friends but she says she can't) and i'm coming to see him next month.

 

in the last week, however, he's been talking about her tons and i know he misses her. it makes me think that maybe he's unhappy or unsatisfied... why would he want to think of her so much if he wasn't? even though he tells me he realizes how perfect it's been and how he loves me a lot - i wonder. i wonder how he really feels.

 

is he afraid or something?

 

last night on the phone he said "when you come can i make you go home in a week if i don't like you? or in 5 hours?" he said he was joking, but still. it worries me.

 

so what is up with him? can anyone tell me?

 

thanks so much for reading this i know it's long and confusing haha.

[LonelyTiger]

last night on the phone he said "when you come can i make you go home in a week if i don't like you? or in 5 hours?" he said he was joking, but still. it worries me.

 

I'm not sure I've understood this correctly but is your visit next month the first time you have met in person?

 

Some of your post makes it sound as though you're physically together but this sentance suggests you've haven't met yet.

[sotired]

Why are you wasting time on this guy?

 

What's up with him is that he is a total player and you fell for it. He is telling the other girl the same things about you and since it's obviously a long distance thing, neither of you have figured it out yet. It wouldn't surprise me if he was still sleeping with her.

 

Dump him and find a man that will be there for YOU...not his ex.

[northstar1]

Sorry you are so confused.

 

Let me see if I get this right. You meet a guy who has a gf, but spend hours chatting to him - so he's already showing he is the 'cheating' sort.

 

THen you are 'dating' him.

 

He goes to visit a female friend. He sleeps with her repeatedly.

 

Now that he 'can't' have her, he wants her more.

 

This guy threw up a ton of red flags, essentially cheated on you, and you took him back again. He figured he could do what he wanted, and probably kept talking to her all along. Now that she's gone no contact, he wants her back again.

 

What do you think is wrong with this picture?

[Rollercoasterr]

Really? You actually allowed him to go see his ex without putting up a huge fight? That's just crazy.

 

This is just so unbelievable that I don't have anything worthwhile to say, or any advice to give.

 

Wait, there is. But it's just a rant. I will NEVER understand how girls can let guys string them along and do these things, and then justify it with a "oh, well he misses her". That's just bullcrap. If he misses her, he needs to go back to her. If it's an ex girlfriend he doesn't need to be talking to her. Ever.

[Island Girl]

this is an ESSAY but wow i have the most amazing/weird/heartbreaking story ever...

 

so i met this boy a while back, and from the first conversation we fell for each other. he was amazing. we had so much in common; we sometimes literally spent all night talking (usually like 11 PM to 4 AM on the phone). the problem was he had a girlfriend, who, according to him was a total bitch (she's also psycho, suicidal, uneducated, and basically has zero personality). but he told me at the time he was thinking about marrying and moving in with this girl (they were together for 5 years), so i kinda lost hope anything would happen with us. i was fine just being his friend. he lives very far away anyway, and i didn't think i'd ever be into long distance relationships.

 

So you met a guy -- online? in person? -- well, anyway, however you met he had a girlfriend and you proceeded to have these all night conversations with him.

 

If he had all night conversations with another woman while with you, would you care? Because you should care. And you shouldn't put up with it.

 

And if he was complaining about you and calling YOU psycho, suicidal, a bitch, and uneducated, etc., would you care? Because you should. And you shouldn't put up with that either.

-- > Just an FYI as well, because you seem to be fairly inexperienced when it comes to relationships and guys, if he is talking crap about his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend to you, it is a BIG red flag that you can bet he'll be talking **** about you too.

 

And another thing - if this girl truly was as problematic as all this then why was he thinking of marrying her? Why were they together 5 years?

Doesn't that strike you as odd?

That he would dislike a woman so much yet spend that much time in a relationship with her and consider making a lifelong commitment to her?!!

Something about that isn't quite right but you didn't even question that.

 

 

then, around new years, he confessed that he had a thing for me. i told him i felt the same... long story short he left that girl for me.

 

Here's something.

 

If a guy is spending hours and hours talking to you on the phone - he likes you.

And if he has a girlfriend and he does this then you should REALLY watch out because if you do get in a relationship with him you have to realize he easily compromises boundaries in relationships so he could very well easily cheat on you either emotionally and/or physically.

 

 

and oh january was the best month of my life... he was sickeningly lovey with me (he'd tell me he loves me about ever two seconds) and would constantly tell me everything he loves about me, "you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen", and how we're soulmates and we'd be together forever... how he's never felt this way, he doesn't deserve me etc etc... i felt the exact same way. everything about his personality is what i'd always wished i would find.

 

So he was everything you thought you'd find.

You say you started talking "a while back" - when was that?

 

You say all of his personality traits were so appealing.

 

Did you also adore the fact that he easily has EAs?

Did you always wish you would find a guy that is a sh*t talker? Because you know that is what he was doing when he was trash talking his current girlfriend to you.

????

 

well, february rolls in and he decides to take a two week trip over to Canada to see his ex girlfriend (they had a distance relationship and had planned this trip in advance of all this).

 

It is one thing to still take a trip and go to the place - that would still be a BIG problem for me BTW - BUT going their TO SEE HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND?!!!

 

1. If she was so psychotic, unstable, uneducated, suicidal, etc. WHY would he want to see her?!! -- HUGE RED FLAG.

 

2. They went out for 5 years and she was everything he says but he has CLEARLY remained in contact to set this trip up and still see her during, etc. -- HUGE RED FLAG.

 

3. You say February rolls around and he decides to go on this trip. Whether it was planned or not - it doesn't matter. I planned a lot of things with my ex. But when I broke up with him - all of those plans went bye-bye or HUGE RED FLAG.

 

 

despite all my friends warnings about how bad this idea was, i let him go because i trusted him ("i'll miss you so much it'll probably cause problems while i'm there" "i don't know if i can be away from you for that long" "it'll probably be a miserable time") and i wanted him to have a vacation experience (he's never been out of the country).

 

Okay - first you didn't "let" him do anything.

 

He can make the decision and go whether you like it or not.

 

You decide whether you will put up with it or not.

 

That is how that goes.

 

You could have drawn the line and said you wouldn't put up with it. (And there is NO WAY I would have put up with it) But when you draw a line you have to be able to walk away if he goes anyway.

I wouldn't have a problem walking away.

I think you were already so stuck you would not have broken up over it and you would have caved anyway.

 

the only thing i was worried about was the time limit she put on our calls (30 minutes a day! what is that!).

 

SHE put a time limit on your calls?!! HUGE RED FLAG AGAIN!!

 

And that was the ONLY thing you were worried about? C'mon girl you should have been a lot more concerned about a lot more than that.

There are soooooo many things wrong with this guys morals, relationship boundaries, and obviously there is a lot going on with this ex you don't know.

You should have been concerned about all of it.

 

 

turns out that was a BIG mistake!!

 

That isn't a huge surprise actually.

 

Considering his character I was kind of expecting this.

 

No. Not kind of.

 

I was fully expecting this.

 

The big surprise is YOU didn't.

 

the first day he talks to me i tell him how much i miss him. he replies with "....well personally i'm having lots of fun!"

 

I would have replied (well, not really, since it would have been over because he made plans for a trip to see his ex - and then if I was ridiculous enough to stay with him anyway - it would have been O-V-E-R when he actually went because as previously stated I would have drawn the line at that too)

 

"Well, good! Then you should stay there. As it is make any plans you want because we are DONE."

 

 

he then goes on to say that he feels happy with her and it feels "naturally coupleish" and things got "touchy".

 

I don't know why you were still on the phone listening to him.

 

All of these things are so incredibly hurtful to you and completely bolster her ego. I am quite sure she was standing right there.

 

And from the sounds of it he has down played you to her. Probably the same kind of stuff he said about her. But trust me - she does not have the impression that he is into you AT ALL. Let alone that "you are soul mates and he loves you".

 

 

i was so devastated, i thought: oh my god everyone was right i'm such an idiot for letting him go...

 

He says those kinds of things to you and you are not thinking "good bye and good riddance! I don't need such a jackass who would say such hurtful things to me!"??!!

Girlfriend! You need some serious self esteem help.

There are clearly some rooted issues here.

 

You deserve better than to be treated like that by ANY guy.

But one that lacks character in the first place?!!!!

PUHLEASE!!!!

 

 

but he still tells me he loves me, that he knows he doesn't want to be with her. okay, i say.

 

WHAT??!!!!

 

THAT IS OKAY??!!

 

It seems you are so mind twisted about him (and notice I did NOT say "in love") that you do not even realise you are taking such horrible behavior.

 

I do not know why. Because everything you have said about him here paints quite a black picture of him.

I don't care how cute he is or what wonderful things he says, or how blissful those few weeks were.

He is someone who will cheat if give half a chance and those words that flow like water from him are things he very CLEARLY does not mean.

 

 

i trust him.

 

BIG MISTAKE.

 

He has given you every reason NOT to trust him. EVER.

 

 

the rest of the two weeks pass and (other than him "accidentally" "almost" having sex with her...),

 

Sweetie. No one "accidentally" almost has sex. NO ONE.

 

And just that was cheating on you. You do realise that?

That he cheated on you right then? And that it was more than he said? So they probably did have sex? And a lot?

And that it was really really easy for him to do that?

And that he wasn't thinking of you or your feelings AT ALL?!!

 

 

because we don't get to talk much, it wasn't easy to distinguish between the good days and the bad days. it pretty much felt like he was just totally gone.

 

He was totally gone. Actually he was never really there in the first place. I am sorry to have to be the one to spell it out that way. But he was in communication with his ex during that time as well.

Even when he says "love" -- he doesn't know what that word means.

You don't talk like he does about people you love.

You don't talk to people like he did to you and say those kinds of things to someone you love.

And love doesn't go on and off like a light switch.

And if you love someone you don't sleep with other people when you have a commitment with that person.

 

 

i was absolutely miserable. i thought that proved that i really do love him.

 

Sweetie. It has nothing to do with YOU.

His actions had nothing to do with how much you love him or how real YOUR love is.

All of this has everything to do with HIM.

HE lacks character.

HE doesn't know what love is.

HE doesn't love anyone but himself.

HE is hurtful, selfish, and heartless.

 

well when he came back he had been acting extremely distant.

 

WHY were you still with him at this point?!!

 

You realise he treated you like absolute crap. You realise he cheated on you with his ex. And that they share a lot more than he let on, right?!!

Why on Earth would you stay with such a person?!!

 

 

i asked him what was wrong and he said "i feel split. i don't like being home, i felt more comfortable at haley's (i think this is because she basically showered him with presents and food).

 

YOU NEED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM.

 

Presents and food shouldn't be a reason someone who is supposedly committed to you tells you he is more comfortable with another girl. EVER.

 

And again he says these things to you that are so incredibly hurtful!!! He really does not care about your feelings at all!!

This IS NOT something you can "FIX" by proving your love to him, etc!!

And even if you could, you should NOT want to with how badly he has treated you!!

 

...i know i love you and we're good together - leaving you would be leaving my soulmate - but i don't feel attached to you anymore. i need time to adjust." that's fine with me, i'll wait.

 

WHAT??!!

 

What are you doing??!!

 

OMG. This makes me SO SAD FOR YOU!!!

 

Why in the world would you "WAIT" around for such a jackass?

And WHY in the world do you want such a lying, cheating, loser?!!!

WHY do you not think you deserve SO MUCH BETTER??

 

Are you really that desperate that you are willing to put up with being treated so terribly? Lies, cheating, hurtful things said to you on many occasions! Why do you still want to be treated so badly?

Because I can say this with CERTAINTY.

 

You can BET MONEY that he WILL hurt you again.

And he will OVER AND OVER until you end it.

 

So please PLEASE please think of yourself and your own feelings and stop this madness. It will only bring you pain and heartache.

 

 

well a few days later - still as distant and weird as ever - he admits that he slept with her ("many times" "because after the first time it was like it didn't matter anymore")

 

OMG OMG. *head in hands*

 

OMG OMG. And you believe this?!!

 

He slept with her many times because he really wanted to.

He wanted to EVERY SINGLE TIME.

 

And he thought nothing of you when he did it.

 

 

because she practically begged him to

 

NO!!!!

 

I can not believe that you would believe this.

 

He slept with her because HE wanted to. HE WANTED TO.

GAWD I wish a guy would chime in here and tell you that guys do NOT sleep with women just because they beg if they do NOT WANT TO.

 

He wanted to sleep with her. He did sleep with her.

He wanted to sleep with her the entire time he was there.

He did sleep with her the entire time he was there.

 

Did he care how much it would hurt you? No.

Did he care about any promises he made to you? No.

Did he think about you at all? No.

 

 

(but he said it wasn't good and felt passionless).

 

First of all again he says these things with such candor and disregard for your feelings it is apalling.

 

Secondly if it wasn't good he wouldn't have done it over and over.

That little bit about it not being passionate was said just to keep stringing you along.

It was a way that he could tell you but somehow allude to it being "different" when he is with you.

It is such a creepy and blatant tactic. And you fell for it.

Now that he knows you'll believe that expect to be fed any and every excuse in the world when he does this to you again and again.

Be on the lookout for when he will turn it around and make it your fault that he cheats on you too.

It isn't of course. But if you are staying with him through all of this then you are aprime target for continued emotional abuse and he will say soon that each terrible thing he does is somehow to do with things you do or don't do.

 

Boy he is a piece of work.

 

And you should break up with him and not look back.

 

There is no other choice.

 

i didn't expect it to hurt so much but it did. it really did. but i understand why he did it and i forgave him, again.

 

You understand why he did it?!!

 

No. You don't. You have blindly accepted his flimsy excuses. But you must really not understand why he did it.

 

HE DID IT BECAUSE HE WANTED TO.

 

HE DID IT BECAUSE HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT HIMSELF.

 

and you forgave him. *sigh*

 

Oh my. *shaking head*

 

I am just at a loss.

 

the next day he says "i think maybe i should break up with you" because "if i'm going to sort of date someone else i can't be with you now can i?" but he took this back half an hour later after making me get him to realize how "stupid" he'd be.

 

He "made you" get him to realize how stupid he'd be to leave you?!! Noooooooo. WRONG.

 

He flipped all of this around so you'd be begging HIM to stay with YOU after he has treated you like such crap that you have every single reason to dump him.

 

He is playing you like a frickin' fiddle.

 

in the end he chose me. yay!

 

_ _ -----------> YAY?!!!

 

the present

the past two months have been wonderful. everything feels so perfect and blissful. we never fight, just recently she has stopped talking to him (he wanted to be friends but she says she can't) and i'm coming to see him next month.

 

in the last week, however, he's been talking about her tons and i know he misses her. it makes me think that maybe he's unhappy or unsatisfied... why would he want to think of her so much if he wasn't? even though he tells me he realizes how perfect it's been and how he loves me a lot - i wonder. i wonder how he really feels.

 

He is a cake eater. A classic cheater.

 

He has been with you and while it has been "so great" the last couple of months he has been talking with her and emotionally cheating.

She got fed up with getting a part time boyfriend and wants the whole enchilada. He is not willing to break off contact with her for you. And he is not willing to break it off with you for her. If she comes back into the picture (when really -- because he will chase her, it is only a matter of time) then he will be at the game again.

And if the very rare possibility does happen, she doesn't come back.

There WILL be another. Just like when he was with her and found you.

 

 

is he afraid or something?

 

No he is not afraid.

 

He wants you plus more. That could be another girl or several other girls.

It doesn't have anything to do with you. It will never have anything to do with you.

And although his actions will always cause YOU the pain and agony - you will never be able to do anything at all to fix it or change it.

 

last night on the phone he said "when you come can i make you go home in a week if i don't like you? or in 5 hours?" he said he was joking, but still. it worries me.

 

Yeah. That is such a funny joke isn't it.

 

What a joke to tell someone you love -- and what an ingenious way to have them feeling like insecure crap.

 

It is especially touching since it is your first meeting and that is usually wrapped up with aprehension and insecurities anyway!

 

What a nice guy!!! --- NOT!!!

 

Just to give you a comparison -- and there are many here who can give you real life examples -- a guy who really does love you and cares about you would be doing everything in his power to make you feel comfortable and would never EVER say things like this when you are going to be getting on a plane and flying there to meet him.

A guy who loves you would actually really never say this to you.

But most especially when you are meeting up for the first time.

 

so what is up with him? can anyone tell me?

 

I have tried to tell you exactly what is up with him.

 

I am saying the truth.

 

I am painting as clear as picture as I possibly can.

 

And now that you see it are you going to ignore everything and set yourself up for so much pain and heartache?

 

Or are you going to realize how badly you have been treated already -- and that so many things have been so wrong -- and that you deserve waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better?

 

thanks so much for reading this i know it's long and confusing haha.

 

It isn't confusing sweetheart.

 

It is a horrible painful tale. And it is very very sad.

 

I am sad for you. That you have such low self esteem and think somehow that any of this is forgivable.

It isn't.

It should never be.

 

You DO deserve better. And he won't be the one who will give you better.

[KikiW]

OMFG.

 

*points to IslandGirl*

 

WHAT SHE SAID.

 

Honey, you got PLAYED by a SLIMEBALL. For the love of all creatures great and small, it's time to grow a backbone and toss this guy out the door.

[allyy]

Wow.. Just wow.

I can't believe after all he did to you, you're still able to be with him & trust him. That's just crazy I don't even know what to say. He doesn't respect you, not even a tiny bit.

 

 

 

Sheeshhh! Where is ADMIRAL when we really need him?

[LonelyTiger]

Sheeshhh! Where is ADMIRAL when we really need him?

 

Somehow I think Admiral would be applauding this guy's behaviour!

 

This story is so awful I'm struggling to believe it's for real!

 

If it is, then this guy is seriously the lowest of the low - no confusion whatsoever - words fail me!

 

Nasty, very nasty guy!

[bean1]

I agree that this guy is not a good person. I have to wonder though, at what point does it become her fault for putting up with this? If she is so desperate for a man that she'll even take this trash, I suppose both are getting what they want?

[Rollercoasterr]

I wholeheartedly agree that it's just as much her fault as it is his for being the way that he is. If she's willing to put up with it, then maybe they're perfect for each other. But I'll still never understand why some girls think it's okay for a guy to be that way and then chase them like they're gold. A guy that does this is SCUM, plain and simple.

[FabulousLadee]

"RUN FOREST, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

You deserve better.

[KikiW]

I think we scared OP off. Hope not, she really needs to read how we all see this from our outside view.

[Cora]

Actions speak a lot louder than words. He will most likely keep doing this to you. You deserve so much better and I'm sorry you had to go through this. Some guys can be real jerks! I hope you do realize that you deserve better. If you allow them to walk all over you like this then they will never stop. I'm still learning this concept. You don't need this crap and you certainly don't need him. One day you could get hurt really really bad if you don't get out now.

[parklife]

thanks for taking the time to read my post (: your opinions are appreciated.

 

the reason why it's so easy to forgive him is because they were together for 5 years and were pretty much each others lives (they've know each other since they were 11) and best friends. he was in love with her he says, and can never really get over that. not to mention she has pulled the suicide card so many times on him. so i'm thinking... isn't it enough that he says he wants to be with me? shouldn't i stay and help him get through such a big change in his life?

 

and i'm not with him because i don't have any other relationship prospects, and he knows this (when he almost broke up with me he said: "i don't feel so bad breaking up with you because you can move on so easily - unlike her").

 

i know it sounds like i'm making a lot of justifications for him but there really are some amazing things about him. i worry about not finding those qualities in anyone else since they are so rare.

[LonelyTiger]

Sorry parklife, my opinion still stands!

 

He may have some good qualities - most people have some - but his lack of respect for both you and his 'ex' speaks volumes.

 

He's even told you he was in love with her and 'can never really get over that'! That makes you second best - always! Whatever hold she has on him you don't want to get involved - you WILL get hurt.

 

I still don't know if you've actually met this guy in person but if not, and you have any self respect, please don't.

[sotired]

Parklife...He is playing you like a fiddle. The "good" qualities are just a smokescreen. This guy is just going to let you down again and again. I feel really bad for you....You seem very naive, he is using that to get the best of both worlds. He spends time with her because he wants to...it's not about guilt or fear or whatever, he cares about her more than he does you. Why are you willing to settle for that?

[Bearandsue]

OH my WOW. If my dear SO said he wanted to go spend two weeks with his ex, it would be like world war 10 up in this piece. I don't give a darn if they were together for 50 years. Oh god I could just picture it.

 

You are allowing this guy to walk all over you. And you are allowing him to do it. Nobody deserves to be treated like this. He is a big Player and has no idea what love is.

[Rollercoasterr]

If Mathew said something like that to me you best bet that he'd be going without the asset he needs to sleep with the girl.

[Bearandsue]

If Mathew said something like that to me you best bet that he'd be going without the asset he needs to sleep with the girl.

 

 

LMAO... you got that right girl! He wouldn't need it then if he was going for just a "visit" right.

[Rollercoasterr]

Hey, if it's just a visit, then there's no reason I couldn't keep it in a box for 2 weeks. Let's call it an insurance policy.

[KikiW]

Sweetie, re-read your original post.

 

Ask yourself why he would consider marrying a "bitch" who is psycho and plays the suicide card.

 

Ask yourself why he would consider visiting her for 2 weeks (don't even TRY the "the trip was paid for" bit...),

 

Ask yourself why he allowed her to dictate how long you could speak on the phone.

 

Ask yourself why he would play head games with you, by telling you what a great time he's having with her, how comfortable he is with her, how happy he is with her. Then turn around and bemoan losing his "soulmate" if he broke up with you - WHAT? If you were his soulmate, he never would have even gone to see her. You aren't his soulmate, darling. He is PLAYING WITH YOUR HEAD.

 

Ask yourself why he slept with her. REPEATEDLY.

 

Ask yourself why he would tell you, even jokingly, if he didn't like you can he just send you back home.

 

This is sick. JUST SICK.

 

Please, sweetie, get away from this person and find someone new. This is such an unhealthy situation and you will only be setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

[Rollercoasterr]

Sweetie, re-read your original post.

 

Ask yourself why he would consider marrying a "bitch" who is psycho and plays the suicide card.

 

Ask yourself why he would consider visiting her for 2 weeks (don't even TRY the "the trip was paid for" bit...),

 

Ask yourself why he allowed her to dictate how long you could speak on the phone.

 

Ask yourself why he would play head games with you, by telling you what a great time he's having with her, how comfortable he is with her, how happy he is with her. Then turn around and bemoan losing his "soulmate" if he broke up with you - WHAT? If you were his soulmate, he never would have even gone to see her. You aren't his soulmate, darling. He is PLAYING WITH YOUR HEAD.

 

Ask yourself why he slept with her. REPEATEDLY.

 

Ask yourself why he would tell you, even jokingly, if he didn't like you can he just send you back home.

 

This is sick. JUST SICK.

 

Please, sweetie, get away from this person and find someone new. This is such an unhealthy situation and you will only be setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

 

I second that. All of that. Every single bit of it. Thanks KikiW for putting it all out there like that.

[tigressA]

I second that. All of that. Every single bit of it. Thanks KikiW for putting it all out there like that.

 

Third motion.

[Spirit of the Ocean]

I think everyone here has pretty much said it, but why on earth would you want to be with a guy who says he wants to be with you and then goes and sleeps repeatedly with his ex? If he wants to get over this girl (and if he was only with her because she was threatening suicide) and is making a genuine effort to do so, he's not going to go on holiday to see her and then end up in bed with her. Say you end up with him, if he wanted to go visit her, because he's known for her for aaaages would you still be ok with it, and having his feelings for her constantly there??

 

I really think you deserve much better Parklife, no one deserves to be treated like this! He clearly doesnt know what he wants and is trying to have the best of both. If that were me, I would have said bye-bye to him a long time ago. This guy may have all these great qualities and this maybe his one shortcoming, but it would be still be the deciding factor for me not to be in a relationship with this one.