Soul Bear Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 As some of you know my story, and some of you dont, heres a quick run down. We broke up (fiance of 4.5 years) a month ago. I was understanding at first, and agreed it was for the best. I had an 'off' day and stupidly emailed her mum to see how she was really feeling..bad idea. We were on reasonable terms until that happened. My ex sent me a reply stating that we were over but she wanted to remain friends. I replied back that i could not be her friend when I loved her. She said ''if you ever want to be friends, do not hesitate to get in touch' So now im feeling pretty bad about it all, and i should have gone NC while we were on amicable terms, instead of me over reacting and telling her not to contact me me again unless she wanted more. Thats when she subsequently put the ball back in my court again by saying 'dont hesitate to get in touch if you want to be firends' My email could have just left a bitter taste in her mouth about me. Anyway, I have a birthday present and a card for her. I want to reconcile, but know that it will be a long process as we have both changed/are changing throughout the breakup. I do genuinely love her and want to try what I can to move fwd and leave the past behind us, in the hope of a rekindle somewhere down the line. The card is thoughtfull, home made and its a picture of our 'spirit' animals. A Bearcub and a tigercub looking at each other (its a printed photo) I was hoping that it might make her heart melt.... I dont want to be overbearing, and was wondering if anyone had any advice on what to write inside? I was thinking of 'just beacuse the tiger is in the jungle and the bear is at the river, doesnt mean they cant eat sushi sometime?!' That was our favourite food together Any ideas please? Yes im moving on, but i aint giving up!! SoulBear
CaliGuy Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 No present. No CONTACT. Look if her heart changes, it won't be because you pursued her. It will change on it's own. You can cause much more damage by pursuing her though. The fact is, her feelings changed for whatever reason and that is simply out of your control. Chasing someone who doesn't want to be with you is a monumental waste of time and emotional energy.
Miguelrg Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I completely agree mate, i sent my ex a book and a card for her birthday all the way to Australia, and i got a thankyou etc, but it didn't make her heart melt and make her regret everything. Her feelings have changed and there is nothing you can do about it at all, i've now realised NC really is a Win/Win situation.... You'll only cause yourself more pain by sending her somethin to which she might say thanks for, but it also makes you look even more needy when you've just told her how you feel... Just move on, don't look back and if she wants to speak to you she will It's just the truth, she knows where you are.
Author Soul Bear Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 CaliGuy I knew you would pop up on this thread! Im not going to chase her, I do think we could be friends. I was going to put it in with her mail when she comes to collect it....or when she meets with a member of my family to get it. I would love to say i could just leave her waaaaaay in the past. Im over the initial shock of it all now, and I know that she would not want to remain friends unless her reasons were genuine, i.e reconciliation somewhere down the line.POSSIBLY...but thats not defiante. nothing ever is I know from her past experiences she has dropped like dead flies, every other ex and not even wanted to remain friends with them. You have me thinking though....
carhill Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 As long as you're writing War and Peace novellas on LS, you can't be friends. When you can describe the essence of you feelings and situation in a few sentences and they read as a positive perspective, then, maybe...
Miguelrg Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 could you be her friend when she has a new guy? i honestly don't think by her wanting to be friends even if it is genuine, that it means she would ever want to reconcile, your reading far too much into that one... how long has it been since the breakup? mine has been nearly 3 months now and for the first 2 i convinced myself there was always a chance, even though i moved back to the uk. you've just got to let it go, i should probably follow my own advice, i know how you feel but it's just not healthy man
Author Soul Bear Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 Its not that easy, we share the same friends, live in the same town....
Miguelrg Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 ahhh i see, this is a bit harder... but i don't think you becoming her friend will do anything if you wish to reconcile, everyday i think about my ex, but slowly its becoming less frequent, as much as i love her, she doesn't want to be with me so i have to accept that...i guess your thinking, how can she change her feelings? surely she still loves me somehow? what if i change will this work? what about if i do this? or do that? blatently put, nothing is going to change her apart from herself... you just have to keep out of her way, if you see her act pleasant but you need to move on, the hope just pro-longs the pain, i'm still there but i'm beginning to see the light, listen to all the awesome advice on this site, i log on everyday to help me through it
Author Soul Bear Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 I understand. Thats why I wanted to write something in the card that she wouldnt expect. Maybe my stupid sushi line was waaay off. I want to show her that Im happy and Im good basicly. It was her birthday, 5 days before she left me, and i didnt get her a present, i ignored her....I was having my doubts about the R too, infact at that point i didnt want it. A break would have been good to see that i was being A JERK, and that i actually do care for this woman alot, but things would never have workled the way they were at that point. I hope that i can share a sucessfull reconciliation story with you all one day.
CaliGuy Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Soul Bear, don't do it. Trust me, you will reget it in the long run. It's not going to make her change her heart. Only time can do that. A LONG time away from you, to be honest. Try to find other things to occupy your mind. Hobbies, friends, working out, etc. Life has much to offer, far too much to be obsessed over one person. There's far too many people on this planet for that!
EmperorR Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Trust me if you remain friends with her these are the only scenarios - You get friendzoned and never out - you fake it for awhile then snap when she starts talking about a new guy and you push her to the point of hating you - you get string along until she finds someone new and he gets pissed she's talking to her ex and you get dropped like a hot potatoe Trust me I've been where you been wiht my ex fiance, just cut the strings go NC, she knows how to reach you, she had enough pride to dump you if she ever really wants to get back with you nothing will stop her. Hope dies last man, I haven't heard from my ex fiance in 9 months, the day I gave up hope accepted things for what it was, was the day I full moved on
Author Soul Bear Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 this is really tough.... I have a funny feeling that her stuborness and pride will make her not call me again. How can someone go from your everything to nothing... Why the hell did she put the ball back in my court saying if i wanted to be friends that i should get in touch??? I appreciate all your advice...thanks for putting up with me ::::
CaliGuy Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 this is really tough.... I have a funny feeling that her stuborness and pride will make her not call me again. That shouldn't matter anymore. What you should not do is let your confidence betray you by breaking NC.. How can someone go from your everything to nothing... If you think back, you can pinpoint some times well before she called it off that she started pulling away. It always appears out of the blue to us but it's been brewing in their minds for a long time. Why the hell did she put the ball back in my court saying if i wanted to be friends that i should get in touch??? To relieve her own guilt. That is all.
smookie Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 If it is not her birthday and it has past already please do not send her the gift. You should have given that to her on that date. My bf did the same thing to me and I thought that it was the meanest thing. If he bought me something the next day even I would have not even kept it, I would return it. NC is best for you right now. You learn alot about yourself and the relationship durning that time, and sometimes the relationship comes back together and and sometimes the most hurting person in the break up knows it is forthe best. It's weird but when I did it it was months that he was trying to contact me and try to get me back (I broke it off with him). So with that being typed (said) NC is good for self healing, as well it is good for the pther person too, makes them miss you more.
Loxx Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Heres a little thing i thought about to help me get though the rough patches. Has your SO ever spoke about an ex boyfriend? Did he try to get back with her after she said its over, what did she say about that? She made him sound pretty pathetic right? Chances are she is talking to some guy about you the way she has talked about all her previous ex's. It may or maynot be true but damn its enough to keep ya pissed and going strong. - Lol Good luck
EmperorR Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Heres a little thing i thought about to help me get though the rough patches. Has your SO ever spoke about an ex boyfriend? Did he try to get back with her after she said its over, what did she say about that? She made him sound pretty pathetic right? Chances are she is talking to some guy about you the way she has talked about all her previous ex's. It may or maynot be true but damn its enough to keep ya pissed and going strong. - Lol Good luck This right here, is why I do not contact my ex, she would always tell me about her previous bf, calling her texting her , "es so annoying, he doesnt get that its over, i hate him etc." Thats why I stay silent she can say nothing about me
Recommended Posts