How can I try and not care, vindictive and bitter

[Not the love ace]

Okay,

 

Its been a few months since I broke up with my ex. As I am sure, some of you know the deal; I broke it off because she cheated on me and lied so many times to my face.

 

For 2 whole months I was in a deep depression and at one point was suicidal as hard as it is for me to admit. I just felt like my world came crashing down right after she broke up with me. I also felt that she was getting the best of everything in life after she cheated on me so dirty and that I was just going into a downward spiral.

 

When we broke up she had a new boyfriend and within only 2 months of knowing him; her family loved him and even accepted him into the house to live with him, they got a new apartment together, they're getting engaged, they're going on a honeymoon, opening a tattoo shop together, she's made so many new friends (and she's not the most sociable person) because of him, they're going to Italy, anything and everything is going absolutely perfect for her.

 

On top of that her family now all of a sudden hates me and thinks nothing but bad things of me. Which annoys me because I thought they loved me and they always told me they really loved my company. Now, they can care less what happens.

 

As for me, everything went terrible. Not only did I lose her, I lost my job, some friends (they moved), I got terribly sick for a few weeks and was hospitalized, was broke, jobless, hopeless and on the verge of being kicked out.

 

However, I've gotten over it a lot and I have improved myself. I started hitting the gym hard, hanging out a lot of with friends, making some sort of income and focused on my writing and drawing. I've also been hanging out with other girls, and just focusing on making myself, friends and family feel better.

 

Though I've gotten over it a lot I can't help but still feel upset, bitter and at times I feel like being vindictive. Sometimes I get so upset about how she played me that it eats me up inside. I try to remain humble but I feel like if I am too nice and humble I'll just be easily hurt again. I must admit I can't stand the fact that she's having an incredible relationship especially after all the hurt she caused me.

 

I hear that I should just leave it alone and be happy for her. I wish her the best of luck in her career and other future endeavors I truly do because she is ultra-talented, however romantically I just DO NOT wish her the best and don't care. Especially since I know the guy she is with and know he isn't exactly the best apple in the bunch.

 

The problem is that I am still very much in love with her and we still keep in contact with each other and left some of the the bad-past behind us. She also says she still loves me and I believe that to an extent. I am just bitter that everything romantically has been going extremely well for her so fast and even more annoyed that this guy is just living the high life being apart of her family and just everything gets better and better for them.

 

I also forgot to add that this guy was also instrumental and absolutely loved the fact that I was hurting which makes things worst.

 

I been thinking about going no-contact with her and just forgetting about her all together.

 

How can I improve myself from this? Though I've made some strides, and I truly do feel a lot better in many ways, it still haunts me and I can't help but have the feelings I have.

 

Thank you.

[Dexter Morgan]

On top of that her family now all of a sudden hates me and thinks nothing but bad things of me. Which annoys me because I thought they loved me and they always told me they really loved my company. Now, they can care less what happens.

 

Thats because she more than likely told them things about you that were lies in order to cover up her true nature......that of a cheater. I'm sure daddy wouldn't have liked knowing his daughter was a cheater.

 

So I'm guessing she did damage control and now they hate you for things she said while trying to preserve her image.

 

 

As for me, everything went terrible. Not only did I lose her, I lost my job, some friends (they moved), I got terribly sick for a few weeks and was hospitalized, was broke, jobless, hopeless and on the verge of being kicked out.

 

However, I've gotten over it a lot and I have improved myself. I started hitting the gym hard, hanging out a lot of with friends, making some sort of income and focused on my writing and drawing. I've also been hanging out with other girls, and just focusing on making myself, friends and family feel better.

 

Thats the ticket right there my man. Work on yourself. The gym thing is good. Not only will it keep you in shape, but its a great way to work off frustration.

 

 

Though I've gotten over it a lot I can't help but still feel upset, bitter and at times I feel like being vindictive. Sometimes I get so upset about how she played me that it eats me up inside. I try to remain humble but I feel like if I am too nice and humble I'll just be easily hurt again.

 

Thats the major place where you need to work on yourself. Don't get so in love up to your eyeballs with someone else that you lose sight of things. Love, but not blindly....keep emotions in check and realize the warning signs. This is where your worthless x-gf's behavior can help you and you can learn from it.

 

 

I hear that I should just leave it alone and be happy for her.

 

No,.....just leave it alone. Realize that you got rid of a cheater that is no good for you and that no doubt she will be his problem down the road.

 

 

I wish her the best of luck in her career and other future endeavors I truly do because she is ultra-talented, however romantically I just DO NOT wish her the best and don't care. Especially since I know the guy she is with and know he isn't exactly the best apple in the bunch.

 

Well, with any luck, he'll be cheating on her in no time;)

 

 

The problem is that I am still very much in love with her and we still keep in contact with each other and left some of the the bad-past behind us.

 

Ok, so now she is being disrespectful to her current fiance? The fun for her never stops does it?

 

 

She also says she still loves me and I believe that to an extent.

 

 

Ok, now I think your x-gf is a narcissist, liar, and she is delusional.

 

Ask yourself, why does her family now hate you?

 

Answer: because of things she told them. Its almost as if she is enjoying playing head games with you.

 

She says she loves you, but now her family hates you, and she is getting married to someone else?

 

Not only was she untrue to you, she is untrue to her current man. Maybe you should inform him of your conversations with her. If you want vindictive, there you go. I'd advise against it and move on...because she is one worthless tart. She played you, talked sh#t about you to her parents, and is playing with this new man and dangling you on a string at the same time. This girl is psycho!

 

 

I am just bitter that everything romantically has been going extremely well for her so fast and even more annoyed that this guy is just living the high life being apart of her family and just everything gets better and better for them.

 

Ya, but she is saying she still loves you at the same time. your X is messed up in the head. Trust me, this new guy won't be living the high life when she decides he is the same-old-same-old and ends up cheating on him. She is already disrespecting him and telling you she loves you still. If that is the high life for him...he sure as hell doesn't realize what kind of a tart he has yet.

 

 

I also forgot to add that this guy was also instrumental and absolutely loved the fact that I was hurting which makes things worst.

 

there you go, now we know why her parents hate you...they BOTH talked sh#t about you. Trust me, one or both of them will get what is coming to them in the near future.

 

 

I been thinking about going no-contact with her and just forgetting about her all together.

 

Yes, don't answer any calls, change your cell # if you have to, don't answer emails...NOTHING. Let her be his problem.

 

Realize she is a lousy person. her past and current actions are proving just that. And realize she is no good for you or anyone else.

 

 

How can I improve myself from this? Though I've made some strides, and I truly do feel a lot better in many ways, it still haunts me and I can't help but have the feelings I have.

 

Thank you.

 

pump the iron, hang out with friends, start dating and see what a wonderful woman can be like.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Wow, so its all going good for her and badly for you?

 

Firstly i'd cut contact. Why do you want to keep in touch with a cheat and a liar? How could you possibly be civil and friendly? It is one thing to forgive (which will help you pass through a lot of poison) but you do not need to maintain contact. You've already forgiven her (good for you by the way!), so now let her go. Also by keeping in touch i'm sure you are reporting back to her the ways in which your life has been going downhill...she doesn't need to know that. If she hears that through the grapevine so be it, but you don't need to be the postman delivering those letters!

 

You said the guy is a 'bad apple'. So he will screw her over. She's a cheat too. She'll probably screw him over. One or both will do it! Her life may seem to be going well but its a veneer. Even the rich and famous can have everything; money, mansions, cars and be miserable. Its all a SHALLOW front. The relationship, travel, everything. Think - the more they build together, the more it will all crumble! So let them.

 

You've lost a lot in a short time so it will take time to build back up. Get pleasure in the LITTLE things, the REAL things. You will be fine. The bitterness is completely natural, but try to let it go. Ideally you want to be you again but with a stronger bull detector. Work the bitterness out in positive ways.

 

Also I think it is easy to lose sight of the fact that it is not ALL women or ALL men that are bad. If you are a man that has been treated like c*** its easy to take that out on other women, ditto for women to do so with men! That again is perfectly natural but very damaging. This forum helped me realise it is not just men that treat women badly, a lot of men have been treated poorly here also. So ultimately we are all PEOPLE; black, white, male, female. Any of us, all of us, can be hurt. Let this woman go and meet good PEOPLE

[Not the love ace]

Thank you Dexter Morgan and Nikki. Sorry I haven't responded in a few days just been busier than I expected, non-the-less thank you both for taking the time to respond and give me your insight. I find what both of you have noted to be very true and helpful.

 

Day-by-day I work on the positive and try to let things go. Granted its certainly not easy since I love her so much, but I am definitely not turning a blind eye to anything helpful.

 

Thanks again so much guys. I always truly appreciate people elaborating on my questions.

[Dexter Morgan]

Day-by-day I work on the positive and try to let things go. Granted its certainly not easy since I love her so much, but I am definitely not turning a blind eye to anything helpful.

 

It does get better my man. Just take out your frutstrations, and maybe a little anger, at the gym. the end result you will feel better, and when you finally get over her, you will be ripped! LOL.

 

But again, it does get better, MUCH better. You will realize that she is no good for you...or anyone else for that matter.