A34571 Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I dated a guy for 4-5 months from 600 miles away, I saw him every other weekend and when I didn't see him we would talk once a day on the phone or on IM. There was a 2 week span in there where we were on the phone about 4 hours a day, but that didn't last long =) After that, it was usually a 20-30 minute conversation some time after 10 PM. And he gave me **** about being clingy! I felt like that was really unwarranted! Is it? What is CLINGY? I think it's bogus to call something a 'relationship' when you talk twice a week. Just curious, because it's so strange to me that that amount of contact would be considered overkill. I kinda think it's his issue and not mine, but I was just wondering about other people's opinions on what defines 'clingy' =)
paddington bear Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Depends who was initiating the conversations I guess. If it was you, maybe from his perspective it got too much at times - it's hard to have a long-distance relationship in any case. I guess my definition of clingy would be not giving someone room to breathe, a chance to miss you. Sometimes no contact for a couple of days (initiated by you) allows the other person to think 'huh, I haven't heard from 'insert name' for a while, I should contact her'. But then I guess this is a question for the loveshack guys, really. I'm a girl, what do I know? you try to show a guy you like him, you're clingy, you try to give him space and he thinks you're playing games...it's difficult.
Author A34571 Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 haha I would definitely agree with that. I guess because of the LDR thing I just felt it was very important to have contact every day. I'm not saying I needed to have a deep meaningful conversation every day! But I think just talking to someone every couple of days doesn't really constitute a relationship, it's a good buddy. I guess it also just has to do with what each person wants in the relationship. It just really frustrated me because he acted like I was calling 6 times a day and that was nnnootttt the case.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Clingy is relative really. What it comes down to is: clingy is when you contact, expect contact or keep tabs on your SO more than they are comfortable with.
Trialbyfire Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 OP, who usually initiated the phone calls or contact? I once had something going with someone where he felt crowded, even though I rarely initiated contact. Go figure... My fiance calls me daily and has done so, since day 1. Even on the days that we're going to see each other, he always calls. If we're not seeing each other, he sometimes calls multiple times a day. I asked him why he does this and he said that I came to mind, so he misses me when we're not together. We would see each other more often if not for both our careers, and the extended hours we both keep. If daily contact isn't his style and is yours, compatibility of effort appears to be the main problem. Some people need a lot of space, where others don't.
cybersister Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I guess the other posters have it covered- if he thinks you are clingy then you are ringing him more than he thinks you need to. Just let him do the calling. In a LDR same as any other the rel is about what is happening in our heads- I am always thinkiing bout my man - yes we do talk every day, but I would think about him every day even if I didn't. And often our calls are not long and deep, just checking in really.. what are we doing, how are we feeling. If it is imporant to you to keep in touch you could just drop him an email telling him about your day, and say you were thinking of him and wanted to share your day, but you understand if he does not want to reply.
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