stepka Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 This is a good thread for me b/c I'm just getting a taste of the single life after being monogamous for 25 years. At first I panicked and then I wondered what I'd do w/o sex and now I'm discovering the delights of singlehood. A funny: I met a very handsome man at the coffeeshop and he told me he'd never been married though he was 43. He told me that he is a commitmentphobe, and I thought, OH. So I didn't pursue it, but later I thought, "Are you crazy girl? A commitmentphobe is exactly what the doctor ordered right now--it's not like you want to go get married again right away." Don't think the facial hair will keep the ladies away either--I tend to like men w/ beards and long hair--a holdover from my hippie days, LOL. These days I'm looking for the FWB types. I must say that I don't like to sleep along though.
mental_traveller Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Being single is the BEST!!!! Why settle for one when I can have sooo many.. It's all about ME.. ME...ME... I can do whatever I want.. whenever I want... with whoever I want... I can have as many sexual partners as I want.. I can spend my money like I want.. (I'm a shopholic)... I can go on vacation and have fun ... I hate to sleep with someone else.. (I can't stand snoring).. My place is spotless..and it stays that way. I have the TV control all to myself.. and the closets.. The one downside I can think of is in older age or if you have an accident or health problem, it would suck because you instantly become undateable. Whereas if you are in a serious relationship or marriage and the other person is in love with you, then they will usually look after you. Perhaps the best is to have one serious relationship/marriage, and get them to agree to let you fool around on the side. Would probably be difficult to achieve though.
Lizzie60 Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 The one downside I can think of is in older age or if you have an accident or health problem, it would suck because you instantly become undateable. Whereas if you are in a serious relationship or marriage and the other person is in love with you, then they will usually look after you. Perhaps the best is to have one serious relationship/marriage, and get them to agree to let you fool around on the side. Would probably be difficult to achieve though. You can have a disease or an accident at any age.. but marriage DO NOT guarantee (or any kind of relationships for that matter) that the other person will take care of you... I know I wouldn't... I don't want to be a 'nurse'... I rather be a baby-sitter.. (I looove younger men)..
Okfine Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Tony T you took the words right out of my mouth, or is it fingers? Justin if anything expect the complete opposit to happen. When some women hear "I don't want to be tied down" they become obsessed with being the ones who will change him and bring him around. I think you might turn into a chick magnet with that attitude. A certain type of woman responds to that kind of challenge in ways you couldn't ask for even if planned.
mental_traveller Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Always remember that as long as I'm not dating I'm not under a woman's jurisdiction to be concerned about what does or does not turn her off. When I'm ready for a communist relationship where she controls every aspect of my life then I'll agree to be tied down. You're not under a woman's jurisdiction when you are in a relationship either. Avoid communist/slave relationships and just be your own man, regardless of whether you are single or attached.
mental_traveller Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 You can have a disease or an accident at any age.. but marriage DO NOT guarantee (or any kind of relationships for that matter) that the other person will take care of you... I know I wouldn't... I don't want to be a 'nurse'... I rather be a baby-sitter.. (I looove younger men).. Marriage/relationship doesn't guarantee it but someone being in love with you does, at least as much as anything in relationships is ever guaranteed. You wouldn't want to be a "nurse" because you don't love any of your sexual partners. Many people are different to you and would do that out of love, as opposed to thinking what's in it for them. Horses for courses. I love younger women and that's why when I'm your age I will settle down with one and have her attend to my needs.
mental_traveller Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 For your information, making that clear makes you all the more desirable to women who seek marriage. Women salivate for a challenge...for the opportunity of meeting someone like you who they can work on to change their mind. This is a no win situation for you. You will break hearts much more readily either way you go with this. Simply telling someone upfront that you aren't interested in being tied down makes the other person believe right away that it's only because you haven't met the right person yet....THEM!!! hahaha Lol this is often true. What is it about the phrase "I'm not interested in a relationship" that makes women think they can be your serious girlfriend?
Lizzie60 Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Marriage/relationship doesn't guarantee it but someone being in love with you does, at least as much as anything in relationships is ever guaranteed. You wouldn't want to be a "nurse" because you don't love any of your sexual partners. Many people are different to you and would do that out of love, as opposed to thinking what's in it for them. Horses for courses. I love younger women and that's why when I'm your age I will settle down with one and have her attend to my needs. ,.... good luck with that..
Author justin180 Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 Good on you. Date as many women as you want. In a relationship, you shouldn't care if she likes your facial hair or not, your shouldn't let her control your life AT ALL. I beg to differ. The reality is that once a man gets married he has no rights in the relationship. At least that's how it should be. I believe that women should be the head of the household. She gets to decide what we're going to have for dinner, what movies to watch, what chores and projects need to be done around the house. She gets to decide how often I hang out with my buddies & whether or not I can talk to my female friends. The only way to have a successful relationship with a woman is to treat her like you would treat a judge in a courtroom. It only matters what the judge says in court even if you disagree with his decisions. Well it's the same in a marriage or relationship. Your girlfriend becomes your judge. Marriage can also be like signing your life away to the military. Once you join the military your life belongs to the hands of the government. They get to tell you what to eat, who to date, what time to go to bed, where to live, what kind of car you can drive, they can take your car away anytime for any reason, what time to get up, etc. So even if I work hard to buy my own car then once I get married the car is no longer mine. She gets ownership over it & can take it away from me while I'm still making the payments. This happens all the time. When a man gets married everything he's worked hard for belongs to her.
dreamergrl Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Does anyone remember Chris?? The one who only wanted one date per woman per life time?
xpaperxcutx Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Does anyone remember Chris?? The one who only wanted one date per woman per life time? Wow when was this?
dreamergrl Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Wow when was this? I'm thinking the few months of the year. I can't remember his whole screen name though.
IcemanJB Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I beg to differ. The reality is that once a man gets married he has no rights in the relationship. At least that's how it should be. I believe that women should be the head of the household. She gets to decide what we're going to have for dinner, what movies to watch, what chores and projects need to be done around the house. She gets to decide how often I hang out with my buddies & whether or not I can talk to my female friends. The only way to have a successful relationship with a woman is to treat her like you would treat a judge in a courtroom. It only matters what the judge says in court even if you disagree with his decisions. Well it's the same in a marriage or relationship. Your girlfriend becomes your judge. Marriage can also be like signing your life away to the military. Once you join the military your life belongs to the hands of the government. They get to tell you what to eat, who to date, what time to go to bed, where to live, what kind of car you can drive, they can take your car away anytime for any reason, what time to get up, etc. So even if I work hard to buy my own car then once I get married the car is no longer mine. She gets ownership over it & can take it away from me while I'm still making the payments. This happens all the time. When a man gets married everything he's worked hard for belongs to her. ? Are you joking? That's just the wussy-man syndrome that has taken hold of our society. My parents are a perfect example of why your statement is just bass-ackwards. Their 30th anny is coming up in August, and although they've had their share of disagreements/arguments, they ALWAYS resolve it TOGETHER. They make decisions TOGETHER. My dad has annual fishing trips with his buddies, and my mom has never gotten in the way that. Mom will occasionally take solo trips to our secluded cabin, and my dad respects that. This business of the woman making all the decisions is BS. If you want to talk traditional roles, it's completely the opposite of that. I've had successful relationships where we RESPECT each other, and don't control the other's life. If a girl starts to impede on that and say what I can do etc., bye bye. That raises a giant red flag showing a lack of trust. I have NEVER made decisions for a S.O. either. That said, being single is pretty nice at points. For one, it's cheaper!
You'reasian Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I know I wouldn't... I don't want to be a 'nurse'... I rather be a baby-sitter.. (I looove younger men).. ..............
Admiral Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I beg to differ. The reality is that once a man gets married he has no rights in the relationship. At least that's how it should be. I believe that women should be the head of the household. She gets to decide what we're going to have for dinner, what movies to watch, what chores and projects need to be done around the house. She gets to decide how often I hang out with my buddies & whether or not I can talk to my female friends. The only way to have a successful relationship with a woman is to treat her like you would treat a judge in a courtroom. It only matters what the judge says in court even if you disagree with his decisions. Well it's the same in a marriage or relationship. Your girlfriend becomes your judge. Marriage can also be like signing your life away to the military. Once you join the military your life belongs to the hands of the government. They get to tell you what to eat, who to date, what time to go to bed, where to live, what kind of car you can drive, they can take your car away anytime for any reason, what time to get up, etc. So even if I work hard to buy my own car then once I get married the car is no longer mine. She gets ownership over it & can take it away from me while I'm still making the payments. This happens all the time. When a man gets married everything he's worked hard for belongs to her. I'm really not sure if you're joking or not. Please clarify.
knaveman Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Does anyone remember Chris?? The one who only wanted one date per woman per life time? Yes, it seems that Chris250 has been reincarnated as justin180. If not, there are WAY too many people in the world that think like chris. More than one.
stillafool Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I beg to differ. The reality is that once a man gets married he has no rights in the relationship. At least that's how it should be. I believe that women should be the head of the household. She gets to decide what we're going to have for dinner, what movies to watch, what chores and projects need to be done around the house. She gets to decide how often I hang out with my buddies & whether or not I can talk to my female friends. The only way to have a successful relationship with a woman is to treat her like you would treat a judge in a courtroom. It only matters what the judge says in court even if you disagree with his decisions. Well it's the same in a marriage or relationship. Your girlfriend becomes your judge. Marriage can also be like signing your life away to the military. Once you join the military your life belongs to the hands of the government. They get to tell you what to eat, who to date, what time to go to bed, where to live, what kind of car you can drive, they can take your car away anytime for any reason, what time to get up, etc. So even if I work hard to buy my own car then once I get married the car is no longer mine. She gets ownership over it & can take it away from me while I'm still making the payments. This happens all the time. When a man gets married everything he's worked hard for belongs to her. Justin I think you just want someone to disagree with you about your first post, don't you? You will get no disagreement from me. Single life was a beautiful experience and if the above is truly how you feel about marriage then definitely stay single. You really can be happy being single for the rest of your life. I know 100's of happy single people. You don't have to shave, don't wash yourself if you don't want to, make any woman who wants to be with you except you as you are or leave you be.
Author justin180 Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 There are plenty of women out there who have an agenda to take away my rights once I get sucked into a relationship with them. My radar is on. Nobody can pull the wool over my eyes unless I let them. Most of the time I let others deceive me because I chose to give them the benefit of the doubt. So I am a believer that nobody can deceive you unless let them. Once you get married and your wife takes away your rights don't go looking to the law to help you. Most judges will show favortism towards the woman in a divorce court case. Loveshack is not the most appropriate forum to get advice on if a man wants to keep his rights in a relationship.
tkgirl Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Yes I am upfront about my intentions the very second I meet a new girl. What's the alternative? To lead them on into thinking I want a serious relationship when I don't? I won't do that. I was tied down in a relationship for 4 years and now I'm glad I'm out of it. I'm ready to just throw all my eggs in several baskets. I respect that some women are looking for a monogamous relationship and that's why I bring this issue up early on so that I will date only those women who also feel like they don't want to be tied down. I find your honesty very refreshing and I wish more guys were like you... I mean, being upfront about NOT wanting to be in a serious relationship, not the fact that you don't want one... which is your right of course! anyho... I think there's a lot of guys out there that are like you that won't say anything because.. who knows, they are into playing games or are afraid the girl might bail before they have a chance to get some first. UGH! So thank you! and guys, take note... most women like honesty... just like you want a women to be honest with you, right? It's better to find out stuff like this before we find ourselves getting too attached!
gypsy_nicky Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Being single is great if it means being out of a dysfunctional relationship. Independence though doesn't come from being single. Imo I would rather love and be loved (nothing comes even close to the feeling ) rather than being single and seeing/meeting other people for casual relationships-although this serves certain purposes such as finding the right one .
mike1988 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 How can being single be great? The pain every night lying in bed alone is terrible. Everyone always says "enjoy the single life" thinkin' getting laid and having a girlfriend is easy. I'm 21 this year, and I've never had more than one date per woman. I can't even imagine how a date eventually turns into a relationship. I can't even imagine a woman wanting to call me or wanting to see me or being hot for me.
knaveman Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I find it very important to simply enjoy life, no matter if I'm single or not.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 OP: Let's look at some of the words you've used to describe relationships and marriage. -control -communist -under her jurisdiction -tied down -control, control, control Those are just a few. Anyone who describes their relationship using the words and tone you have used does not know what a loving, mutually exclusive relationship is all about. I don't want to control my bf. I want to be able to enjoy being with my friends or travelling alone sometimes. Why would I stop him from doing the same? It also sounds like you were dominated in your last RL, and now you are coming onto LS sounding like the "Big Man". I won't let her do this to me, I won't let her do that. No woman is going to control me. Yet I'm willing to bet that is exactly what happened in your last RL. You were a doormat and did not stand up for your needs. I think it is a good idea for you to be single for a while. And I do really respect the fact that you are upfront about it. Honesty is important. You don't want to lie to people. Many people have healthy RL's and you can too if you want it someday. If not, then keep on keepin' on.
Bells Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I actually hate cuddling- so it's an added bonus of not being in a relationship. Also, that would mean you have issues as well. I tend to question people who don't like any kind of affection whatsoever. It seems to go much deeper than that. Anyhow, I desire an actual relationship, but marriage, I'm not so sure about these days.
Bells Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 There's also this male friend I know, but I'm better friends with his girlfriend. Well, we're more acquaintances I suppose. Apparently, his 39 year old girlfriend has already been married 2 times (twice divorced)...he's never been married. He thinks this a PERFECT arrangement, because he was pretty darned sure that this woman would NEVER desire to marry again, EVER.....because he thought, "Yeah, she's been divorced twice, chances are I can take advantage of THIS situation because I know she'll NEVER want to get married a THIRD time!" Well, he THAT changed, and now she's hinting around at marriage, and he's freakin' out. He didn't expect this.
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