justin180 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I am a single 28 year old man who plans to let his life go to waste & rust out. I don't want marriage or serious relationships. I don't want to be tied down to any woman yet I still choose to date. Does that mean I'm using women? nope. Why? because I inform every woman I meet upfront that I don't want to be tied down to anyone. I don't leave it open to interpretation. I tell them point blank that I want to keep my freedom. I don't want to be accountable to any woman for my actions. If I want to let the dishes in my sink stack to high heaven then I have a right to do that since I live alone. Anyone else see any advantages in being single & not tying yourself down to one person?
westernxer Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Nothing wrong with that if you're not ready to settle down. Plenty of people date for the sake of dating. You'll change your mind when you meet somebody who strikes your fancy. Fancy meaning beyond the one-night stand.
Author justin180 Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 Great in the meantime I'll enjoy the benefit of letting my facial hair grow out for about 6 months without giving a care in the world as to whether any woman finds it attractive or not. Always remember that as long as I'm not dating I'm not under a woman's jurisdiction to be concerned about what does or does not turn her off. When I'm ready for a communist relationship where she controls every aspect of my life then I'll agree to be tied down.
Bejita463 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 You seem to have a bit of a warped view of what a relationship is supposed to be.
You'reasian Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I am a single 28 year old man who plans to let his life go to waste & rust out. Hey man, do what you want to with your life. I don't want marriage or serious relationships. I don't want to be tied down to any woman yet I still choose to date. Does that mean I'm using women? nope. Why? because I inform every woman I meet upfront that I don't want to be tied down to anyone. I don't leave it open to interpretation. I tell them point blank that I want to keep my freedom. Nothing wrong with being straight forward. It might stun them, but I'm sure they eventually appreciate it rather than pretending your interested and playing games. I don't want to be accountable to any woman for my actions. If I want to let the dishes in my sink stack to high heaven then I have a right to do that since I live alone. Anyone else see any advantages in being single & not tying yourself down to one person? Its your right. Keeping your living space clean is an issue of personal cleanliness - but being accountable in a relationship is something else. The advantage of being single and not tying yourself down to one person is that you don't have to deal with drama. The drama of someone elses requirements on your life. I have seen couples where the woman, for instance, would completely nag and nag and nag at her man for not taking interest in things like opera and theater after he worked 12+ hour days doing construction - hello? if the guy works construction, not only is he tired, he probably loves hunting, fishing, grilling and a good movie now and then. That's where he's at. Don't go overboard trying to change him! We guys hate it when you nag at us, especially when you're trying to change our interests. Either accept who we are and if we share some interests or go out with your lady friends for those interests or find some sensitive doormat type whose going to let you walk all over.
Author justin180 Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 Yes I am upfront about my intentions the very second I meet a new girl. What's the alternative? To lead them on into thinking I want a serious relationship when I don't? I won't do that. I was tied down in a relationship for 4 years and now I'm glad I'm out of it. I'm ready to just throw all my eggs in several baskets. I respect that some women are looking for a monogamous relationship and that's why I bring this issue up early on so that I will date only those women who also feel like they don't want to be tied down.
OpenBook Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Anyone else see any advantages in being single & not tying yourself down to one person? Yes. It means you're not married. Yay!!
Author justin180 Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 I have passions, dreams & goals I want to fulfill in my life and I'm not about to let any woman stand in the way of that. If I can't find a woman to support me in the things I'm passionate about then yes I'm better off doing it alone. I don't need to waste time with someone who is just going to knock and undermine my passions & dreams.
You'reasian Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I have passions, dreams & goals I want to fulfill in my life and I'm not about to let any woman stand in the way of that. If I can't find a woman to support me in the things I'm passionate about then yes I'm better off doing it alone. I don't need to waste time with someone who is just going to knock and undermine my passions & dreams. Sounds good! I've had women try to knock on mine - having been accused of trying to do all kinds of crazy things that I *have no business* doing and would never follow through . I don't think she had any personal goals, never the less, she didn't last long enough to see me complete something that I was starting before she bailed. I've been working on some of my goals (rather New Year's resolutions) over the past 4 months and am about half-way there.
Tony T Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Does that mean I'm using women? nope. Why? because I inform every woman I meet upfront that I don't want to be tied down to anyone. I don't leave it open to interpretation. For your information, making that clear makes you all the more desirable to women who seek marriage. Women salivate for a challenge...for the opportunity of meeting someone like you who they can work on to change their mind. This is a no win situation for you. You will break hearts much more readily either way you go with this. Simply telling someone upfront that you aren't interested in being tied down makes the other person believe right away that it's only because you haven't met the right person yet....THEM!!! hahaha
Lindarose84 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I think this can be a great thread. There is just so much dang emphasis on being in a relationship that people tend to lose sight of the perks of being single. I, like you OP, date a lot but with where I am in my life, a relationship isn't in the cards for me. Here is a list of things I love in my single life (in no order of importance): 1. NO DRAMA! (I don't have to worry about why the guy isn't calling me, or what his cryptic text message meant, or if he's doing his attractive co-worker, or what he's doing when he's not with me, etc etc.) 2. Less concerned about my physical appearance (Don't get me wrong, I'm in the gym 5 days a week and I eat moderately healthy, but wow is it freeing not to wear makeup all the time or wonder what I look like in the morning or wonder if I'm living up to his standard of beauty- all of that is just exhausting!) 3. It's "ME" time all the time (when I get home from a rough day, I can do WHATEVER I PLEASE. If I want to nap for 5 hours, I can. If I want to spend the night working out, I can. If I just want to read a book on my balcony, I can. I don't have to be like, "darn, I promised guy that I'd come over and help him with xyz and now I have to give up the nap I so desperately need). 4. I don't have to answer to anyone (this is somewhat related to #3, but basically I have the freedom to do whatever I want with no obligations to anyone). 5. I get my whole bed to myself (I hate sharing my bed. I thrash around in my sleep so being confined to one side of the bed is extremely uncomfortable and annoying to me). 6. $$$ saved! (Obviously being in a relationship means spending money on the other person for things like birthdays, anniversary gifts, dinner outings, etc- now I can just spend as little money as I want and only on the things I want). 7. My apartment can be a mess for as long as I want (By no means am I a mess cat but I do have cycles where it looks like a tornado hit my apartment. I can let it sit like that for days because I don't have a constant guest over). 8. Speaking of cycles, I can break loose and not have to alter my behavior in the interest of not blowing up on guy when I'm on my monthly. So if I want to cry, I can cry and if I want to break something out of anger and hormones, I can do that too). 9. Freedom to test the waters! (When you're not tied down in a relationship, you are free to date as many people as you want. You didn't like one guys' politics, great, go out and find someone who agrees with you on issues like abortion and war. You don't like the eating habits of guy number 2, fine, go out and find someone who eats the way you do. I feel that in a relationship, while you do find these things out before you settle down with someone, sometimes you're left having to accept what you don't like of someone because you liked so many other things about the person. When you're free, you're free to be as picky as you want until you really find someone who compliments you in every way) 10. Career oriented (I know many people look down on putting your career ahead of finding love, but really, to each his own. My being single means I get to make sure I concentrate 100% on advancing my professional life so that I'm a contributing member of society.) I'm sure there are more perks of being single, but these are just 10 of my reasons that I love not being "tied down."
Ross PK Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Yeah it's great being single, I can do what I want whenever I want. I'd also hate to have kids too.
kizik Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I like being single, but I also really, really miss physical contact. Masturbation, unfortunately, does not compensate for the fun that physical contact brings. Ideally I'd like to date someone pretty seriously but continue living alone. I too hate sharing a bed, etc. Sigh.
IcemanJB Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I have passions, dreams & goals I want to fulfill in my life and I'm not about to let any woman stand in the way of that. If I can't find a woman to support me in the things I'm passionate about then yes I'm better off doing it alone. I don't need to waste time with someone who is just going to knock and undermine my passions & dreams. Fair enough! My guess, though, is that your views may change slightly if that amazing girl comes along. For now though it looks like you've got the right attitude. Within the next couple months I'm moving into my own place (first time in my life without roommates), and am kind of looking forward to the absolute freedom. I hope I'll be able to get by on my own (not get lonely/bored), but we shall see.
Isolde Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I feel similar right now. Why would I want to be tied down to a guy where there isn't a mutual spark, when there are so many wonderful people out there to get to know?? Why spend all my time with one person that I'm not sure about? Yes, I want an R and I'm willing to deal with the added stresses that come with a relationship, but I'm willing to wait until it feels right, with someone. Until then, I'll just get to know guys for who they are, without expectations.
Sam Spade Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I like being single, but I also really, really miss physical contact. Masturbation, unfortunately, does not compensate for the fun that physical contact brings. Ideally I'd like to date someone pretty seriously but continue living alone. I too hate sharing a bed, etc. Sigh. To kick this up a notch, I'd argue that being able to snuggle to someone on the couch with no worry in the world is a quality of the relationship that can take it all the way (to the long term) , and one that is not that easily attainable. Many women actually have an anti-huggable vibe about them , which is a shame .
Isolde Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Yeah, I feel the lack of physical contact too That's not the part I like about being single I'm one of the biggest cuddle whores you'll ever meet.
Lindarose84 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I actually hate cuddling- so it's an added bonus of not being in a relationship.
Admiral Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I am a single 28 year old man who plans to let his life go to waste & rust out. I don't want marriage or serious relationships. I don't want to be tied down to any woman yet I still choose to date. Does that mean I'm using women? nope. Why? because I inform every woman I meet upfront that I don't want to be tied down to anyone. I don't leave it open to interpretation. I tell them point blank that I want to keep my freedom. I don't want to be accountable to any woman for my actions. If I want to let the dishes in my sink stack to high heaven then I have a right to do that since I live alone. Good on you. Date as many women as you want. Great in the meantime I'll enjoy the benefit of letting my facial hair grow out for about 6 months without giving a care in the world as to whether any woman finds it attractive or not. Always remember that as long as I'm not dating I'm not under a woman's jurisdiction to be concerned about what does or does not turn her off. When I'm ready for a communist relationship where she controls every aspect of my life then I'll agree to be tied down. Anyone else see any advantages in being single & not tying yourself down to one person? In a relationship, you shouldn't care if she likes your facial hair or not, your shouldn't let her control your life AT ALL.
Lizzie60 Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Being single is the BEST!!!! Why settle for one when I can have sooo many.. It's all about ME.. ME...ME... I can do whatever I want.. whenever I want... with whoever I want... I can have as many sexual partners as I want.. I can spend my money like I want.. (I'm a shopholic)... I can go on vacation and have fun ... I hate to sleep with someone else.. (I can't stand snoring).. My place is spotless..and it stays that way. I have the TV control all to myself.. and the closets..
Sam Spade Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Being single is extremely comfortable, and that's precisely a bit of a problem for me. Life where you've got responsibility for nothing but yourself seems strange and unfolfilling for me (although some of the perks are undeniable). Specifically, I have a particular type in mind: a pampered 40+ year old, with obviously a lot of disposable income, who obviously spends too much time thinking what kind of cappucino to order . When I lived back in the big city , there were many of those and something about them was very unnatractive. In fact, I often wanted to slap them . There is a difference between productively single and being single with a perfect little life that nothing should upset . I might as well be dead . So, I got a dog first, but that's not enough . Still learning to do better than that, but often struggle with not choosing hanging on the couch instead of doing something with my girlfriend .
kizik Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Many women actually have an anti-huggable vibe about them , which is a shame . Hmm. I've not dated a ton of women, but all of them have been cuddlers. I think cuddling is a pretty basic human desire. What kind of heartless girls you been hanging out with, Sam?
Isolde Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 SamSpade, those 40-year olds may have been married before and don't want that again, or maybe they just enjoy being single. No need to be so judgmental Why would anyone force themselves to be in a relationship that they don't want to fully invest in? Very few people truly want to spend their lives alone, believe me. If someone is too picky, let them deal with the consequences of it, just like those who settle, have to deal with the consequences of that decision. For me, a relationship hasn't happened yet, and instead of making myself feel bad about it, I'm realizing that it's actually good that I've had time to learn about myself. While I feel ready for an R now, there's no point in forcing it or punishing myself for enjoying the comforts of being single.
kizik Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 The single life affords a person a life of leisure and wish fulfillment. But like you, Isolde, I am ready for a relationship. It has been a year since my breakup. I miss girls. I love 'em to pieces. Their smell and style and laugh. Everything. And it kills me to never meet anyone. And it kills me to try to meet people. I don't want to force it, either. There's just no telling when I'll make a connection with someone, and though I do reasonably well on my own, days like today, a bored Saturday, really bring all the pain of solitude back home for me. I'm 25, and it's not like I think I'll be alone forever. I just hate not knowing if I'll meet someone in a week, or five years. Ugh.
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