LadyV Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 If anyone has been following my post, I went NC with my XBF of 6 months, just this past Sunday. I blocked numbers, emails, FB and all that stuff. He can't contact me at all, unless he comes over to my house, or through his sister. Right now, I am sitting at the Denver airport. I have been out of town due to a death in the family. I went NC while away. I also creeped his FB and discovered that in fact yes, he has moved on, and is seeing someone else. I haven't been by his site since, nor hers. Why do that to myself??? I guess I just wanted confirmation which I got. Boy was that a hard pill to swallow. I have been draggin' butt, feeling sorry for myself, and now, just a flight away from home and I feel sick to my stomach. Why, I don't know. I won't run into him, I don't plan on contacting him and know that he can't contact me. I guess because I know that they are going out today...because of the FB statuses that I read the last day I went by both sites. I am trying to hard to get through this. I guess because every single time we have gone NC, he has broken and contacted me. It hurts to know that has moved on so fast, yet at the same time, I should be happy. I am crazy to think that things will change because of her, they won't. They will stay the same. He will still treat women the way he does, woo them off their feet, sleep with them, but when it comes down to getting serious? He will bail or freak out. Today is rough. I want to go home, yet I don't. The day before I left, on the 28th of April, we spent the evening together. Yes, intimately. I even told him that would be the last time we would be together. I then went complete NC on Sunday, the 2nd after a horrible conversation we had had, and discovering his date plans with this girl. I had asked about her, he would say it is none of my business, he was right. But I'm the one who opened the door every time telling him I accept him not wanting to commit to me. He liked how things were...no commtiment, just the fact that 2 people love eachother and just can't be together. I decided enough was enough. He can NOT have his cake and eat it too... I know I did the right thing. I am the one who was strong enough to say NO MORE...I blocked numbers. I closed email accounts. I did it because I want to heal...the key word here is I....I am thinking about ME, instead of giving into his selfish needs. I am taking care of me... It is still hard though. I just want to get past this and never ever hear of him or from him again...untill I am ready too....
kizik Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Hey, I am really sorry for the pain you are going through. You're right, you did the right thing. There has to be an end to the pain and fighting and chaos at some point. I am glad you put your foot down. All I can tell you right now, in this hard time, is that you're not alone. A year ago almost to the day, my ex dumped me, and I wanted to die. A year later, I'm still single, which is fine, and I'm in school and got a new job and started really pursuing my music. What will save you during this tough time is simple. An ongoing project. It could be a quilt you're making, a workout routine, a novel. You get it. What do you love to do?
notalone Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I know how you feel. Its the most surreal and painful thing to see someone you love with another person. I discovered my ex dating again 10 days after he dumped me. And to top it all, that girl and I used to know each other....I had even bought her drinks on one occassion...lol. Life...and facebook is a bitch. What you did was the right thing. You should be proud of yourself. Lots of women lose their self-worth in relationship (example: me). But you didn't...which is marvellous. Kizik is right. What you need is a project. Force your mind not to think about him...and them...until it doesnt have to be forced anymore. Easier said than done, I know...but there is not really any other option.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Sometimes I think the things which hit us hardest are actually secret blessings that get us through. I think its much easier to move on if the ex has a new partner because you know there is no hope of a reconciliation so you don't have that false sense of faith that stunts you moving on. Its harder I think when you are still in love and single but for some reason not together and the hope is just stored away and stops you from fully moving on from them. Try to see what is painful in your unique situation as a weird, kinda twisted blessing. It will help push you forward.
Cora Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I understand how you feel. May 20th will mark three months for me since I last heard from my ex. It's not as difficult as it once was for me. I'm moving on slowly and I still have some work to do. It makes me sick to my stomach sometimes to think that he asked his now fiancee to marry him while we were still together. All the while he would talk about marriage with me and how someday WE would make our dreams come true. But it wasn't our dreams, it was his dreams. His dreams with that other girl. I felt so foolish for believing him. I just wanted to die. I'm pretty sure I cried everyday for a good month. I was hurt and angry but I think knowing he did this to me, has someone else, could just disappear on me without saying a word, not even so much as a goodbye is really what has helped me to move on. I now know that he never cared about me. I gave him all my love and he gave me nothing in return. I still find myself thinking sometimes, wondering when there wedding date is, but that is none of my concern and it isn't helping me one bit so I tell myself no more. It does and it will get easier. You have to keep telling yourself he didn't deserve you. Time will pass, memories will fade, and one day you will go through an entire day without thinking about him. I would check my ex's MySpace everyday. One day I realized oh I forgot to check it.....then I said wait that is a good thing! I still have bad days but there are less of them. Next month is his birthday and when we first met but I try not to think about it much. I have been throwing myself into school which has helped me A LOT! I don't even have time to think about him now. I def agree with the hobby or doing something you enjoy to get your mind off of things. Good luck to you and hang in there! You are not alone!!
Author LadyV Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Happy Mother's Day to any mother's here!! I am a proud mom of 2, and I do have to say, today was a pretty good day! When I got home yesterday afternoon, I was still feeling like a zombie. Feeling lost, confused, I went for a drive and was even on the lookout for his car. How stupid of me, I thought...so I went back home. I had some un-packing to do as well as some cleaning...Although I returned home on Saturday afternoon, I wanted to clean up my house and get it ready for my kids return from their dad's place today. I ended up going out with some friends, and it just reminded me, once again, that being in a "bar" environment is NOT good for me. It isn't fun, I feel too old for it anyway, and I just hate the way if makes me feel after...so I was home a little after midnight.... I passed right out...probably because of the drinks I had, and I woke up thinking..."I just want to spend the day in bed!!!" But, today was Mother's Day. I was getting my boys back home to me, and there was no way I was going to be a bumm all day!!! I've been wanting to return to church...I haven't been since XBF and I started dating back in November. I got up, showered, picked up my boys and went to church!!! I felt so good after...Even my boys were very happy to go too...It was a great feeling....although I fought the idea, I said to myself that I am not going to sit in this "rut" and feel like this anymore...I am currently reading this book.."It's called a break up because it's broken" Written by the same people who wrote, "He's just not that into you." This book is awesome!! It puts a funny, yet serious spin on how women deal with break ups..the what to do, and what not to do...I am finding it rather helpful in my situation. The next book I am going to read after this one is "10 stupid things women do to sabatoge their lives." I was told by my councelor to pick it up.... I am the type of person who likes to stay busy...I have to keep my plate full, when I am laying low and stagnant I tend to wollow in self pitty and keep asking myself..."WHY, WHY, WHY????" No more of that. I made a pact with myself to NOT talk about it anymore. It is done...over...caput...the only place I will probably talk about it is here...but my friends have been so supportive of me...It is just time that I really close the door on this relationship.... I am about to graduate college in 2 weeks...I walk on the 23rd of May to receive my diploma I worked so hard on. It tooke me a while, but I earned that degree while raising 2 boys, being a supportive military wife, back to back deployments of 6 months or more..(3 of them!), as well as through my divorce, and now the dating and break up with my XBF. That's a lot!!!! LOL. But you know what? I did it. I was going to quit school during my divorce and actually failed 2 classes. Untill finally I buckled down 2 years ago and said..."I have to do this! This is MINE and no one can take it away, but me!!!" I dug in, I stayed true, and now, will be graduating in 2 weeks! My focus is going to be my boys. I have decided, I am NOT ready to get back into the dating world...after my divorce, and this first relationship and all the heartache surrounding both, I need to work on me...as well as the relationship with my kids. My boys tonight told me that they love hanging out with me...playing board games and just being together. My oldest son told me that it was hard to do that kind of stuff with his dad because his girlfriend is always around....Not that he doesn't like her, but he would like to have the quality time that he needs with dad. This hit me, and I felt like I was putting my XBF infront of my kids....I had on several occations, and will NEVER do it again. I cried, stayed in bed, and my boys had to see me go through that with my XH, and then during 1 of the break ups with XBF. No more....I will NOT do that to them again!!!! This board has given me so much support! I'm glad I have a "safe haven" to vent to or seek advice from because so many understand...Thank you all again for your post..Day by Day is all I can do, and I plan on making the very best of each day that comes!!!
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