kahn2154 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I grew up obese, was picked on a lot and as a result am very insecure about mybody, and myself in general. I lost the weight in HS, but was left with lots of loose skin and a bad case of gynecomostia (man boobs). After the lost the weight I was still self conscious and basically tried to fade into the background in fear of being picked on, as a result I finished college about a year ago, and at 23 don't have any friends and have ever had a girl so much as look at me. I've worked out for basically 6 years on and off but could never improve my body much if at all. Part of the reason was just didn't eat enough calories to gain muscle which I just recently corrected, but I really don't have much to work with. I eat fairly healthy and work out more than the average person but don't think I will ever be able to look normal. I've had two plastic surgeries in the past 4 years on my chest, and now am at a point where I look normal with clothes on and comfortable with that at least (when I had my man boobs I used to walk hunched over just to conceal them). Right now just down in the dumps, combine the fact I think I have a terrible body with my emotional baggage and I just went through HS and college without making a friend and have no outlet now to go about and meet people since schooling is now over for me I just think I will end up a virgin that will die alone. Can you guys be honest about my body: http://img27.imageshack.us/img27/7927/img0056wzs.jpg http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/6622/img0065u.jpg And as a reference because I know people are going to say I can still lose the weight, this is me 6 years ago at my lowest weight right after I lost over 100lbs. I still looked like crap with shirt off, but everyone was telling me I looked anorexic with clothes on. I could lose 10-20lbs more probably right now, but just lack the motivation: http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/1533/is00170.jpg Thanks
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I think your surgery looks good. It looks much better than before. And I don't think you need to lose anymore weight. I think you look fine. You realize that nobody's perfect right? And you know that everyone zeros in on their imperfections while losing sight of all the good things they have going for them? Everybody does that. You've worked really hard to lose the weight and build up your body so be proud of yourself.
oasis Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I do not see anything unusual about your body. Bodies comes in all shapes and sizes. The scar will eventually fade. But the focus should be on your weight loss and just how far you have come. Just keep exercising, develop some confidence and go take on the world.
sotired Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I think you look good. I don't think anyone would pick on you for a little bit of pudge. The surgery looks really good and the scar will continue to get lighter. You just need some confidence, your body is fine.
anne1707 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I think you are so used to not being happy with your body that all you can do is see faults. You look absolutely normal to me. And as Oasis said, the scars will fade so you won't really notice them. Next time you are at the beach or at a pool, take a good look at other men and you will see that there is a wide range of differing bodies and yours may well be one of the better ones. Be proud of what you have achieved and enjoy your new body
quankanne Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 your surgery looks GREAT, but more importantly, there's grass on the playground! and I find that incredibly sexy :love: the secret to attracting a mate (or chicks or dates or whatever you're looking for) is to start cultivating an air of confidence. You were heavy once? Okay. So you were heavy once. You have scars from surgery? So there are scars. Your body now shows that you can and have accomplished a goal of weight loss (and hopefully improved health) ... *that* is something to be proud of. As a heavy chick with a boobage problem, I know how hard the battle is. But YOU DID IT! hold your head high, exude confidence and don't worry about the other stuff. If someone has a problem with the fact you were once heavy or had surgery, then that person is not someone you need to have littering your life. think positive, and you'll be positive. You've done nothing to be ashamed about, but rather should be proud of accomplishing such a goal at your age. if I were 20 years younger and still single, believe me, I'd be attracted to a guy like you for the kind of perserverance you've shown in achieving a personal health goal. Hairy chest figured in, you'd prolly get lucky on the first date hugs, quank
Kaii Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I thought you looked perfectly fine. Honestly, from the way you were talking, I was expecting your pictures to be hideous...but you just looked like a regular, normal guy. I think you have a skewered view of what your body actually looks like vs what you "see" when you look in the mirror. You need to start working on your self confidence and get out there and meet people. You can do it, I know you can...look how far you have come already.
subdued Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Your expectations are too high. There are lots of ugly people who have fallen in love and gotten married. Love and marriage are not about looks. Your issues are in your head, not your body. There are plenty of women who have gotten breast cancer and had their boobs cut out. Their situation is much worse than yours and yet they are still able to find love and get married.
Author kahn2154 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I really don't get how people can say I look normal, I think I may be thinking I look a lot worse than I actually do, but for my age I think I look far from normal. Normal to me is like slim and slender which I am not, and at 23 I am guessing a large majority of males have the athletic/muscular look complete with a six pack And to the person saying my expectations are too high, I've never turned anyone down in my life, and honestly believe I'm not good enough for anyone, so I don't think it is possible to get my expectations any lower...
sotired Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 kahn.....Do you pay attention to men in real life?? Guys with 6 packs are somewhat rare. Most of the people I see everyday look just like you (or I'd imagine them too...don't see them topless). You really should look into counseling for body issues....You may be having a hard time reconciling the past when you were fat with now. Strangers on the internet are saying you look good.....that's about as honest an opinion as you are going to get!
playlislay Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Hun, your bod looks hot and if its of any value to you........I would! ;O) He he he............. x
allina Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Congratulations on the weight loss, you look great. There is nothing to worry about, we all have little imperfections. You don't need to lose anymore weight, just stay active and fit
lovestruck818 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I really don't get how people can say I look normal, I think I may be thinking I look a lot worse than I actually do, but for my age I think I look far from normal. Normal to me is like slim and slender which I am not, and at 23 I am guessing a large majority of males have the athletic/muscular look complete with a six pack And to the person saying my expectations are too high, I've never turned anyone down in my life, and honestly believe I'm not good enough for anyone, so I don't think it is possible to get my expectations any lower... Mist guys do not even come close to the whole muscle/6-pack thing. More than 60% of the country is obese these days. It's really few & far between with the people who have perfect bodies...and the ones that do, most of them have to work really really hard at it.
Not the love ace Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 You look just fine. If anything, just start lifting heavy weights, get more protein and calories in your body, and tone your body to lose the flab. Heavy weights and calisthenics will help. All in all you look perfectly find. Don't stress out, I seen guys who aren't probably the best looking guys in the world by far but the reason why they get girls is through one key aura: CONFIDENCE. Confidence will take you a long way and people will feed off that. If you walk around with your head down, people will tell your weak if your walk around with your shoulders and head up high people will tell your confident and will gravitate more towards you. Be happy you completed a goal of losing weight and hopefully better health.
GlassWindow Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Honestly? I think you look great!! I really expected to see something more "horrific!" And what I see is FAR FROM THAT. Confidence and a sense of humor is what attracts real girls. I hope you can look at yourself as someone strong that overcame a life and health-hindering hurdle!!! Keep your head up! You should be proud of what you've done. Comparing yourself to others never works.... I'd much rather have an intelligent and fun guy than someone who prioritizes muscle size! A body isn't everything!
loser101 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 your body looks great. I don't think you need to lose weight at all, just keep up the exercise - that's true for all of us though. your scars will heal nicely too, they are quite thin, good surgeon. even as they are now they wouldn't bother me if I was dating you. unfortunately we pick up a lot of our insecurities in childhood and as teenagers so I think you see your body differently from the way we see it. it's a real shame. very well done for getting yourself into shape and please allow other people to see you as you are by the way, please don't try to be like those body builders in the gym, a lot of us women really don't find them unattractive, their self-centered focus on 'perfection' is more than off-putting
on_point Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 DUDE KAHN. I'm a 24 year old male, so I feel like I know where you're coming from. DUDE your body is MORE THAN good enough to attract women that you want. My two best friends are much more overweight than you and have had success with women. FORGET ALL THAT NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL BULL ****. ALL THOSE BELIEFS THAT YOUR BODY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH, destroy them. Repeat positive affirmations to yourself, about WHO YOU WANT TO BE, not who you currently think you are. All your current beliefs began with thought, so in order to change those beliefs you have about yourself, begin thinking that you are who you want to be!! Looks may get you noticed, but they definitely don't make a woman genuinely attracted to you. That comes from inside, your "inner game", as some put it. Work on realizing the INCREDIBLE VALUE you have as a person, believe it, and you'll attract more women than you could imagine. YOU determine who you are, not the world. Its a process.. but man I have faith in you, and so you should have faith in yourself in well.
Author kahn2154 Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 I keep thinking I put a really good pic of me like sucking in my stomach or something, because while I thought I may be exaggerating how bad I look I wasn't expecting everyone to say I look fine... Anyways how do I start even? Like I have no friends to introduce me to people, college is over, how do I meet people now? How do I know what is my league and such and will I come off as a weirdo since I'm 23 and never been kissed?
on_point Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I keep thinking I put a really good pic of me like sucking in my stomach or something, because while I thought I may be exaggerating how bad I look I wasn't expecting everyone to say I look fine... Anyways how do I start even? Like I have no friends to introduce me to people, college is over, how do I meet people now? How do I know what is my league and such and will I come off as a weirdo since I'm 23 and never been kissed? These are just my thoughts on your situation Kahn, First, I think as a guy you're attracted to women mostly because of the way they look. And so you use that same criteria when judging yourself, you think because your body isn't extremely attractive that women won't like YOU. BUT the truth is, women are not like us men, they are attracted to other things more than physical appearance, which is great for us guys. PLUS, I promise if you're getting intimate with a woman, by the time the shirts are coming off, she could careless about what your chest looks like. Anyway, when it comes to meeting other people, first figure out what you want.. a girlfriend? a few close friends? or even just a few acquaintances? What do you like to do? Its muuuch easier to meet people when you have things in common and good reason to speak to each other.. --------------------------------------------------------------------- I personally believe for us guys there is no such thing as a "league".. because the truth is, we ALL have incredible value, we just need to learn how to show it. If someone can't see the value in who you are, than so what? that's their loss, because you KNOW that you're someone of value. Kahn, if YOU don't believe that you're an amazing person with a lot to offer people, then no one else will, BUT, if you believe in something enough, others will start to believe in it too.. As far as the kissing thing.. I wouldn't even bring it up to anybody, they don't need to know ----------------------------------------------------------------------- A few last things.... -work on your posture!! shoulders back and chest out! i'd say a hunched over man is less attractive than a man with man boobs but struts around with his chest out -smile!! this is about confidence, and being inviting -speak loud and clear! again confidence -you're going to have to stretch yourself, putting yourself in sometimes uncomfortable positions, however, tell yourself to relax and be comfortable when in these situations. remember.. you're not alone in the way you feel and think. Almost everyone is/has/or will deal with things like this. I'm personally moving to a new city soon and won't know a soul there..
Recommended Posts