Inflikted Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Here's the story. When I was a kid, I met a girl that I knew for many years, and to be blunt, she was the first girl I've ever been in love with (and so far, the only girl, as well). I was too shy, then, though, and she only kinda sorta knew I liked her; she eventually had to move away, and I never saw her again. I took it pretty hard, but I did the best to just bury it deep down inside me. A handful of years passed, and then out of the blue, by pure dumb luck, I found her MySpace page about a little over a year ago. I hesitantly wrote to her, and I was surprised at how happy she seemed to be to hear from me. We wrote back and forth for a few months, and as I learned more about her, my feelings started bubbling back up again. Early on, I had stupidly made an offhand comment about seeing her again someday, and she actually responded fairly positively, to my surprise. But, as summer was coming to an end last year, I finally plucked up the courage to directly ask her about meeting up but then she flaked out and never answered me on. Embarrassed and confused, I stopped writing to her for a few months. Then I started to miss writing with her, so I got back in touch with her early this year, and it seemed like she was willing to at least write with me again, but she quickly flaked out again and started to stop writing to me. :/ In about February or March, she noted on her MySpace profile that she wants to start dating again, and she had it written about what type of guy she was looking for, etc. Nervous that my window of opportunity was coming to a close, I wrote up a big private message to her, explaining that I didn't mean to be so weird with her online, I acknowledged that I had feelings for her when we were younger and said that I was just a bit curious to see if there could still be something there, I peppered in some humor to keep it upbeat, and I asked her once again about meeting up, before sending it off. Still haven't heard from her on that one... And I know what you're probably thinking, "Give it up, already!", but it's just so hard, when it comes to this girl... Don't get me wrong, I'm not some creepy stalker; I'm not tracking her every move, following her around hiding in bushes with a pair of binoculars, erecting shrines of her in my closet, etc. @_@ She just has a special place in my heart, and I just want her to get to know the REAL me (as opposed to the dopey MySpace me) before she "rejects" me, yanno? Lately, I've been talking to some people about how MySpace's private messaging system can often be faulty, so now I can't stop wondering, what if she never got that last message? Maybe she's not ignoring me, because there's nothing for her to ignore? Now that she's coming home for the summer (still single, at that), I keep thinking about her, wishing there was something I could write to her, some way I could just get her to meet up with me in person one time, at the very least. *Sigh* You guys prolly think I'm out of my mind, huh? Like I said, I don't intend to do anything crazy. It's just so hard to let this go when I've been carrying these feelings for her for most of my life. If there's still any way to make this work, any way at all, I don't want to just give up. Only problem is, I don't know what more I could possibly do. @_@
Bejita463 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I don't want to just reply to a link, but my general opinion on everything you said makes me think of advice that is not mine. So instead of repeating it, I am just going to link you the thread: Unrequited love is a perversion
xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Date someone who lives in your proximity. You haven't even seen her face to face for years and all of a sudden, jumping back in her life and proclaiming your love for her is stalkerish. Honestly, I would tell you to give it up. You're not shy at all, I don't think. I think you're just trying to hold on to a childhood fantasy that makes you excited.
Author Inflikted Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 I don't want to just reply to a link, but my general opinion on everything you said makes me think of advice that is not mine. So instead of repeating it, I am just going to link you the thread: Unrequited love is a perversion Well, judging by the title of that link, I can pretty much guess what's probably written there; to be honest, though, I never expected her interest level to be exactly the same as mine, my goal was to try and build it up, like any other normal couple would start out. Thing is, this MySpace stuff just made things too hard. All I want to do at this point is bring this into the "real world" rather than leaving it stuck on MySpace. If she got a chance to meet the "real" me and still decided she didn't want anything to do with me, fine, end of story. Date someone who lives in your proximity. You haven't even seen her face to face for years and all of a sudden, jumping back in her life and proclaiming your love for her is stalkerish. Right, but that's not really how it happened. I spent months just making nice friendly little small talk online with her, then I asked her in a casual way about meeting up in person some time. When that didn't work, I wrote that more direct message last month, but like I said, I have no way of even knowing if she got that message. Even in that last message, I didn't gush all over her with my feelings; it's not like I wrote her, saying "I'm so in love with you, I've loved you all my life, please be mine!", or something. I've kept things fairly tame, because I never intended to go that crazy over her, anyway. Admittedly, this online stuff has made me come off looking like that desperate clingy guy, but that's not how it is. I know those feelings I had for her are from a long time ago, I'm not saying I still feel exactly that way about her, but I'm curious to see what it WOULD be like now if we met up in person; yanno, how we'd get along, what kind of chemistry there is, etc. All I'm pushing for is that one little chance to see what it would be like. If she still doesn't have interest in me after meeting me in person, or if I didn't feel compatible with her, that'd be it, case closed. Honestly, I would tell you to give it up. You're not shy at all, I don't think. I think you're just trying to hold on to a childhood fantasy that makes you excited. Heh, well, actually, I just meant that I was shy as a kid, when I initially knew her. I'm still a bit introverted these days, but when it comes to this girl, I seem to get a small boost of confidence, for some reason. I dunno, I can't explain it.
Bejita463 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Well, judging by the title of that link, I can pretty much guess what's probably written there; to be honest, though, I never expected her interest level to be exactly the same as mine, my goal was to try and build it up, like any other normal couple would start out. I understand, but I believe you are doing so from a basis of unrequited love. It does not make you a bad person, and I definitely feel for you. I just don't think this is going to go anywhere you want it to, and the link explained pretty thoroughly why that is. That's all.
Author Inflikted Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 I guess I can see the point in that message you linked me to; I'd like to think I'm not that bad off, but I get the point regardless. Still, though, I can't stop wondering the "What if...?"s, most notably the idea of whether or not she even got that last big message I sent her. Unfortunately, there's really not any kind of nice, clean way to find that out, that I can see... :/ It's basically a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" scenario, because if she DID get the message and I persist further, it makes me look pretty bad, but if she DIDN'T get the message, for all I know, there still could've been a chance as long as I played my cards the right way. Part of me wishes I would just randomly run into her one of these days (not in a creepy stalker "on purpose" way) and take things from there, but then I think, heck, if I did run into her, what would I even say to her after all of this? I dunno, I think that one of the biggest reasons I'm so attached to this girl right now is the fact that I don't seem to have any luck with any other girls out there. I mean, I'm fairly introverted, so I don't meet THAT many new girls on a frequent basis, but the ones I do meet, I just don't feel any connection with, so I never think to pursue them. And of course, I'm not the type of guy that has girls pursuing me, so it's not like I have that whole "ignoring the girls who do want to date you" thing going on, yanno? I know everyone says "Oh, you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy" or "You have to love yourself before you can have a successful relationship", but neither of those really apply to me. It's not that I don't think I can be happy alone, I just don't want to be alone; I want that type of connection, but at the same time, I want something a bit deeper than just a friendship. I know I shouldn't be agonizing over it that much, but as the years go by, it just gets harder and harder for me. Hell, I'll be 21 by the end of the year, and I haven't had so much as a single date my entire life, let alone a relationship. Kinda makes me feel bad that it's so hard for me, yet seems so easy for most of the people around me. It just scares me, because this girl I made the topic about, she was the only girl I've ever felt anything for. I'm sure a lot of people can find that similar feeling many times throughout their life, but it just scares the heck out of me that I've only found it one time. So naturally, I've become so intent on pursuing her, because I can't help but wonder, "What if I never do find it again? What if she's the only one? How do I know there'll be another girl somewhere, some day, that makes me feel the same?".
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