GreenSky Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Hey, So for the last long while I've been feeling down all the time. Like not constantly sometimes I feel a little better then I get down again. I do not think there's one factor, like I just finished my third year university, didn't do as well as I hoped, working in the summer now seems monotonous. The other factor I hate to say is my girlfriend...I think. I have been dating her for over 2 yrs and I do love her and care for her, its just that I feel smothered all the time. We spend most of our time together and I feel allot that I need just by myself time or something, or I don't know if I do I can never seem to think straight. It seems that the more we date the more insecure she becomes, as she always needs to know i'm there (texting all the time, being with me when im not at work, constantly asking whether i think she is attrative, or if i love her, if im always going to be with her) Like I mean even I like when she compliments me, but It sounds she's overly insecure. The thing is its not that I'm not there, or she doesnt know where I am ever, or that I talk to any other girls, or that I have given her any indication that Im going to leave her. AND the thing is its not that we don't talk about being together too much, or insecurites, its that we DO talk about it and I always end up feeling fantastic after we do, then it always spirals back into the same spot. She never ends up seeing it this way until I say we have to change the way were doing things. Besides that I have no idea if I'm ever right anymore, I always end up feeling bad after saying I just wanna hang out at my house just to relax or play games or anything. Whenever I am alone which is limited thats the only time I get to do basic things like laundry or cleaning my house, as I cannot do it any other time. So I work, see her, do chores that need finishing and I feel constantly drained and over worked. It seems as if I should be able to tell her when I just want some time to do something for myself, she always turns it on me making me feel ultimately guilty (even thought she will not admit to this ever) by bringing on puppy eyes, tears, calling me selfish or something trivial. I see her everyday (even though we dont live together) except for when she went out of town a couple weeks ago for few days when I couldnt go 10 minutes without her texting me asking me what I was doing, and if I missed a text by 10 minutes there would be three more sent back going "hello?" "you there?" "...what are you doing?" constantly until I responded. Im sorry for this being so long but I feel constantly drained and guitly for everything. Its so hard because when I do talk to her its turned on me somehow, and subtly. For example if I asked my gf if tommorow I could just take the day to sleep in at my house, do dew chores, then go out for pizza with a buddy" she would immediately ask well when am I going to see your tommorow. If I respond well I can see you the day after cant I?. All of a sudden she thinks I dont care about her, dont wanna spend time with her, care more about my friends, or care more about anything else. Then I try to reasure her no I just need to relax or something, then she'll say something cynically like "oh well I'm busy all week maybe i'll see you like in a week in a half or something"... Then I never know what else to say...I just feel like my stomach turns and I get pushed down or something. What the heck do I do????????
Bejita463 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I'm going to be blunt. It sounds to me like you need to stop asking her to give you your balls back and just reach into her purse and take them out yourself. She's your girlfriend, not your master. If you want some alone time, have it. She's going to have to learn to deal with that eventually or it is never going to go the distance anyway. If you are already this frustrated with her smothering you, imagine it in a year or two. I'm not going to say how I think it should be done, but it does seem to me that you need to put your foot down and stop buying into her guilt trips.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Your gf is smothering you. A relationship should be relaxed and fun, but instead you're guilt ridden and depressed. I think you should tell her you need a break. Because it seems she's just so selfish in her needs that she's forgotten completely that a relationship is about 2 people.
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