beautiful_stranger Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Do you ever find that to be honest with someone, to tell them how you feel about the way your relationship is going takes alot of courage? In all my past relationships, i think the major problem is to fully communicate with my partner. Problems just bottle up, and me and my exes would act as though nothing is wrong.. until it gets to a point where neither of us can stand each other... and things go sour, the relationship becomes irreparable. But from reading all the threads, it seems to me that most people "talk" to their partners about their feelings. For me, it is just so hard to bring up... is it just me? do others feel it?
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Yeah it takes courage to open yourself up like that to somebody. It puts you at risk that they won't like you if they know how you feel. But if you let them know your good feelings then you should let them know your bad ones too. How else are they ever going to get to know you? You don't always have to present an image that only good things happen. Bad things happen too. And it's okay to talk about your feelings. In fact it's healthy. Much more healthy than keeping things bottled up. Wow...your relationships must feel like you were with a stranger if you never got to know that person and that person never got to know you. Yeah...being emotionally available to your partner and having a partner who is emotionally available to you is real real important. But you got to open up.
Author beautiful_stranger Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 Yeah it takes courage to open yourself up like that to somebody. It puts you at risk that they won't like you if they know how you feel. But if you let them know your good feelings then you should let them know your bad ones too. How else are they ever going to get to know you? You don't always have to present an image that only good things happen. Bad things happen too. And it's okay to talk about your feelings. In fact it's healthy. Much more healthy than keeping things bottled up. Wow...your relationships must feel like you were with a stranger if you never got to know that person and that person never got to know you. Yeah...being emotionally available to your partner and having a partner who is emotionally available to you is real real important. But you got to open up. Thanks for that. But no matter how many times i practice what i want to say in my head, everytime when I see my partner, it just falls into the the old way... i.e. talking about superficial things like our friends... it just seems to be so difficult and artificial to talk about "deep and meaningful" things.. i mean if you force your conversation to steer that way, it would equally be as unconvincing as you don't say it?
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I would suggest you do this. Buy a notebook and a pen and start to journal. This way you get in touch more with your feelings because you are actually taking time to think about your feelings. It won't be so awkward for you then because you become familiar with how you really feel. Then talking about your feelings is going to be so much easier. It'll be like second nature.
Author beautiful_stranger Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 I would suggest you do this. Buy a notebook and a pen and start to journal. This way you get in touch more with your feelings because you are actually taking time to think about your feelings. It won't be so awkward for you then because you become familiar with how you really feel. Then talking about your feelings is going to be so much easier. It'll be like second nature. True that... I will try this some time! On a different note tho, I have tried a few times to open up.. but it seems that he never takes things seriously, either laughs it off or make a joke out of it, maybe the guy is as emotionally available as me? this makes things even harder seeing it has always been my problem...
AlektraClementine Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I can totally relate. My partner and I have had these problems before. I'll tell you what though, the instant I put my foot down (upon myself) and started opening up, it started to get better. Worlds better. I finally came to the conclusion that the alternative was making me miserable and that if I put myself out there and said what was on my mind, and it was too much for him, so be it. Was I going to set myself up for a lifetime of stifling my true feelings? The prospect of that terrified me. Turns out, he had a lot to say too! We're communicating now and REALLY making some headway. I'm lucky though, in that I have a guy that, while he isn't always the first to speak up, has a tremendous ability to respond without making me feel like I'm a nag. It's tough. Scratching the surface. It is for a lot of people. But you have to think about it in terms of the alternative. So what if he bails or can't reciprocate the communication. At least you have your answer and at least you have more information with which to make a decision.
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 True that... I will try this some time! On a different note tho, I have tried a few times to open up.. but it seems that he never takes things seriously, either laughs it off or make a joke out of it, maybe the guy is as emotionally available as me? this makes things even harder seeing it has always been my problem... That could very well be. How are you suppose to open up to someone who doesn't take your feelings seriously? You could counter him you know? Tell him this is important and you don't appreciate him blowing you off? If that's how you feel.
IcemanJB Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I'll give a guy's perspective: it's very frustrating when the gf won't open up. This was actually one of the reasons for a breakup I had. I realize it does take courage, but it is definitely necessary.
Sephirothh Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 yeah yeah doormat this doormat that please, predictable uh huh but how bout this Women knowing that they're going to make more mistakes in the relationship such as her being late and him on time, him being more considerate then her. Not being able to complain about how guys s*ck becuz he will prove her wrong in most ways, not using the old he's just using me for sex excuse. having a tough time trying to fight with him, becuz ITS A FACT WOMEN LIKE TO START TO FIGHTS FOR NO REASON MORE THEN MEN. anyone that says otherwise needs to wake up and smell the coffee. I think personally some of it has to do with, I found a great guy and I'm going screw it up one way or another. hence why it's always going to be Men > Women becuz we never think like that Logic > emotion IMO your thoughts?
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Lack of communication was a MAJOR problem in my failed marriage. I refuse to let that happen in my new R. I screwed up this weekend in something I said to my BF. I stewed over it for a couple hours, waiting for a more quiet time. I laid down with him and talked to him about it - apologized for what I had said and explained WHY I had said it. I see it as an opportunity for growth whereas in my last R, it was more of an annoyance or sticking point. Of course, it helps if the person you're trying to communicate with reciprocates. With the right person, communication shouldn't be painful. It takes a lot of trust to be able to open up 100%...especially if you've been hurt in the past.
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