mommydrgnfly Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Ah man where to begin.. WARNING: Will probably be alittle lengthy and still not whole story so please bare with me..copying and pasting from somewhere else i wrote all this at.. please take the long time to read this lol.. its worth it to help a person in need..i will return the favor and help anyone out myself.... I wanna see what you think! Very curious to see what the men have to say lol.. ha! well I have been best friends with my hubbie for 2 years and we got married last sept.. not even a year yet.. geez.. I am 31 weeks and 2 day prego today..if he knew i was telling strangers this he would flip.. don't care! he says he don't tell people things.. oh come on now.. whatever what a frikken lie! Anyway... things were awesome in the beginning he was affectionate and very loving.. well he ended up telling me i looked at him too much and said I love you too much.. what?!? there is a such thing? Ok, some guys say they wait for us to be affectionate because " we expect it and don't do anything".. get over yourselves.. the ones who say this anyway.. i show all the love and affection in the world.. anyway..(oh yea i got prego in Oct.. one month after marriage because we agreed to it).. he was supportive and there for me in 1st trimester.. cooking and cleaning cause i could not do much being sick all the time.. ahh man here it goes.. he smokes alot of pot.. can't stand it anymore.. sorry but once i got prego it hit me that he should quit.. i tell ya why if u disagree.. when he is stoned he gets really relaxed and sleeps..well my son can sit there crying loud and he sleeps through it (5 yr old delayed son..not his).. anyway.. one night i was at school and he calls cause he had an "accident" in mhis underwear.. he puts him in the shower with clothes on.. than sits him on toilet for 3 hours!!!!! What the heck man??! He totally ignores my son most the time or sends him to his room.. my son hates his room because he is always in there.. its bullhonkey..he treats him like crap to where he comes in the room and my son starts crying.. he is the only father figure my son knows.. it breaks my heart.. Ok for the him and I part.. we fight constantly!! These are not ur normal fights.. these are he uses EVERYTHING he can to hurt you for as long as he can keep it up.. he uses my past (which believe me is so bad it could make a book/movie).. and my kid and my family against me..he has had me wanting to kill myself in the past..but everything is my fault and i need help.. umm dude i know i have issues i go to counceling.. and u do nothing but point the finger.. atleast i can admit my faults.. i mean i agree i can instigate sometimes.. but still no excuse to go overboard.. even while prego he can become physical.. not hitting or kicking or anything like that.. but if i got something of his.. after he takes something of mine.. he will wrestle for it.. he almost broke my hand and had me fall once.. since than i don't even take his crap anymore.. too afraid to.. I got a bruise on my arm once from me running in bathroom closin the door to get away from teh arguing and him pushing on it trying to get it open and my arm slipped on corner of door (if that made sense).. the night he almost broke my fingers.. tehre is a big hole in the wall.. i hit him a few months ago i admit because hew as cussing and yelling at me when my son in back seat of car...he called cops lol.. umm u have no marks.. i have bruise from bathroom incident.. so cops let it go.. duh! anyway.. here is worse part.. than i done ranting for now lol.. friday before last he tells me we have 2 weeks to pack and get out of our house becuase we can't afford rent no more.. no.. you cant afford your half because u won't find a darn second job.. grr.. he told landlord 2-3 weeks prior we were moving out and didnt tell me.. there i was 29wks prego.. we started fighting.. i went into bad premature labor.. at night! He was sleeping at this point.. i wake him up to take me to hospital.. he says lie down or take a bath.. I'm not taking you.. dude it is your child do u not care? Teh person who has told me in past fights a few times that the baby would be better off dead if we are not gonna work.. oh my gosh.. grr.. so my grandpa had to go out of his way to come get me.. they stopped my labor thankfully at hospital.. i went in 2 more times after that because contractions came again.. they said he needs to stop stressing me out.. so i decided this is pretty much done.. is it worth losing my daughter over? IF he doesn't care? he already told me he don't love me anymore and u can tell he don't care bout me either.. he still fights with me up to this very day..not caring.. so what do you think?!lol sorry so long.. warned ya.. i am moving in with my grandparents next monday.. i think i should just end it than... ya think? ------------------------------------- usually men tell me I am 100% at fault and over reacting like my hubbie does.. he even tells me we can work this out now that we will be not living together.. what?!? how?!? We go to marriage counceling and it seems like it is for ****'s and giggles for him...he talks the whole time and hardly lets me get a word in.. I cried last time we went because I had to hear his put downs all over again.. ok i am gonna tell u this... i have been physically, verbally and mentally abused in past and other bad things.. he uses it against me in every argument til i cry and wheni cry he throws it at me harder.. i relive my past over and over in my dreams. that to me is worse than livin it in the past.. does that make sense? lol..A part of me wants to stay with him for our daughters sake.. but am i dumb? lol.. though i feel bad i wanna fight for full custody because of how he has treated my son and because of his anger and pot smoking..he will never give pot up..he says that is who he is..i have friends who smoke it and i use to back in the day.. but when you got kids i think it is time to stop in my opinion!!He is almost 30 and he is so childish.. he says my world is warped.. grr..so after everything u have read.. u think he is done with me even though he says otherwise? I feel he is. -------------------------------------------- atleast like i said i am movin in with my grandparents next week.. no wonder he is being somewhat civil.. i can tell by the way he says things and the way he acts he dont' want this.. but he says he is willing to do counciling still and after his fishing thing in july (in alaska-3months long) he will have lots of money and we can see if we can work it out than.. what?!?! I told him the ONLY way I would EVER stay with him is if after his fishing thing he go to parenting classes with me and really learns about my sons medical issues... cause the way he treats him is messed up.. he says it is because he can't play with him like he does his other 2 kids.. from previous marriage... and he gets frusterated because he poops in his underwear at 5 and can be out of control sometimes.. well dude sorry but my son is developmentally delayed and is moderatly mentally challenged.. (have the "R" word).. he is overall a wonderful kid to be around.. and i told him he would have to learn other ways to communicate with me than yelling and using my past against me.. shoot i have a marriage and family book from an old pscyhology class he can read lol..there are good ways of fighting.. honestly think about it.. if u dont' fight now and than it is unhealthy because u r bottling everything inside and never communicating.. but its when it is like him and I that it is very unhealthy.. u gotta not only state your case.. but you gotta really listen the person.. not think of what you are gonna say while they are talking.. but really listen than talk.. u know what i mean? I see that the "I statments" if u look it up in google.. works.. if he owuld only try harder on it.. idk.. believe me i am done at this point.. but if he really showed me he was willing to change by going to counceling for him and I, plus parenting classes and researching my sons medical issues.. than yes there is a possibility.. i already go to counseling for me to help myself.. and i am proud of myself for it..i think i am a strong person though.. i get the urge to hug or kiss him.. but tell myself.. NO! Stop because he don't deserve it..! ---------------------------------------- Yea he is talking about a fishing boat job in alaska for 3 months.. we go to marriage counceling now.. but he wants to see how it goes after our little seperation period.. idk.. i still want him to go to parenting classes and learn about my sons mental issues... if he cant be commited to that.. well than we can't be together because my son is my life.. what if his daughter is born with the same problems? Though it is less likely in girls.. but still there is that possiblity...i mean i understand if u r not used to kids like my son it is hard to know what to do or how to react.. but the things he does or has done is just not the right thing.. he should had cared and loved him enough for the get go to find out everything he could about the problems..i love him and it would be awesome if he did all these things i want because that helps out the whole family as a whole.. but if he is not willing to than i am more than ready to move on.. because life is too darn short and I deserve to be happy and so does my kids.. of course it will hurt like h-e-double hockey sticks lol.. but time will heal me.. shoot i lost a fiance in 2004 to a car wreck and took long while to get over it.. still got the memories.. but anyway.. if i can move on and become stronger from that.. i can do anything!!! That is what we all need to remember and keep in mind.. in the end no matter how much it hurts.. we will be ok and life will go on..time heals any pain, doesn't seem like it at the time.. but believe me it does.. shoot i see people divorcing all the time who are deeply in love with the other person and hurting so bad.. a few years later they are either married again or living a productive happy life and saying they would not change it for the world. This is how I have got to look at it! ----------------------------------- at this point he don't care if he loses me.. thats the problem.. but yet he wants to get "finances" straightened out while i am living with grandparents and he does his fishing thing for 3 months.. what?!?! and after thats straightened we can work it out.. we will 'still be together' during this time he says.. not splitting up.. I am so frikken confused.. lol.. u either want it or you don't..hes gonna be homeless after tomarrow when we finish moving out.. so hes going to another state to be with his other 2 kids (4 and 7) (they live with their mother)for the month of may living with different friends (umm can we say leeching?).. than supposibly coming back here for June than leaving july for fishing.. is this how marriage is suppose to be? You move out and live in different places to straighten finances out? What I'm suppose to move in with friends or family every time we have finance problems? I don't think so.. I am so fed up! He is almost 30 for crying out loud.. grow up! ----------------------------------------------------- Thank you everyone.. Its really bad tonight.. here I am alone for the first time lying in my bed wanting to sleep but yet crying so hard i am hyperventilating.. Hes been so bad to me.. and after so much crap i just wanna hold him right now.. this isnot fair! Finally living at grandparents and now 32 weeks prego..i been crying all day.. i mean for hours and hours now..I'm so lonely.. isn't it funny how crappy someone can be to u but u still love them so much that u miss them when they're gone.. ok well here is why i am crying so hard now and hyperventilating.. everyone has tried to calm me down and it won't work.. not only am i in a bed by myself which i am not used to, and well yea prego hormones.. but i found something last night that threw me for a loop..usually i am not this nosey... did not expect to find this and so wish i didn't.. im so dumb and mad at myself.. well i was looking at craigslist for houses and jobs.. i noticed that adult gigs had been clicked on before so i looked.. he looked at gigs for pornstars in our area and stuff so i looked at the email addi.. well he was drivin home. anyway... i seen he did not sign out of his msn email account so i looked in his sent box to see if he applied for that porn job lol.. but there was no such email in sent box.. but i noticed an email from a month ago to some candy... at an yahoo account email with no subject.. i read it and it said " I found your email addi on myspace.. so what is up sexy a**?" I looked up her email addi on myspace and she is a prostitute in our county.. i about threw up.. and was shaking so badly.. i conffronted him about it and he said he can understand why i am upset but he saw her on craigslist (why were u looking that crap up anyway?)... and seen she was a prostitute and wanted to screw with her head.. hopeing she would email him back so he could give her a fake addi to meet him at.. though he would not show up.. why do this? why take the time? why did n't u tell me i asked.. "i knew u wouldn't find it funny and would get upset"..again why did u do it than? he says he had no intentions of meeting up with her...what do i believe though ya know? he has lied to me about so many things and don't luv me.. he kisses me today after not kissing me since Feb.. and says he wants to try to work this out.. he is going to a different state next week til end of june when our baby is born, so he can help his 'ex' wife out with their two kids.. umm hello i need u right now.. than doing the fishing thing for 3 mons in alaska in july after baby is born.. wtf?!? how is that to help anything.. i think i am just ready to let this go.. if i already gotta go through the tears and hurt and hyperventilating.. especially pregnant.. whats the use? he don't love me anyway..any advice? --------------------------------- i am so sorry i keep venting lol.. but its just confusing and frusterating and things keep getting weirder.. he stopped by today to see me at my grandparents.. we talked (not bout us).. than when he was leaving i asked for a hug.. he gave me a half fast hug and acted strang as he left.. i texted him later asking what is up he said sorry i was just being stupid.. huh? i told him i had the vibe he was done with me.. and i still luv him tho he has treated me like ****.. he says "just take it slow, your jumping in head first without checking the waters first".. I said we are married not dating dude...he says " i know but its kinda like dating again."... (alot of he said i said sorry).. i said dude that is stupid.. we are married!!! he says " just saying we need to get to know each other again".. what? dude are you serious?We are married!!! he says lol "i know we are married and not datin"... ok at this point i was confused.. did i have a right to be at this point my friends?i told him we don't talk.. or when i do talk with him he don't listen.. we are on totally different pages.. he says "we are talking".. i told him that was texting not talking.. lol.. so i just said " Tell me the honest 100% truth u do NOT want this pretty much to work. u r done".. he says "No, I want this to work".. so i said well u have been real distant and after that email.. idk.. he says "sorry.. lot going on.. you know how i get distant.." umm dude i got more than just ur sad story.. ahh u have no house and no job.. hmm I got no job, on bedrest, my hubbie not here for 6 mons after next week, a hubbie who don't love me, i feel like its over, I'm pregnant and baby will be here real soon if not earlier..and a hyper nonbehaving 5yr old son.. cry me a river dude! lol.. ok done venting for now.. lol
Gunny376 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I'm having a hard time wraggling this around my head? Dump this azzhat already!
sb129 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Basically what I got from that is that you are pregnant, tired and emotional and your husband is an unsupportive, unsympathetic azz. Get rid of him, because he isn't going to suddenly become husband of the year when you have a newborn to look after. Being as healthy and relaxed as you can possibly be is the NUMBER ONE priority for you so you can have a healthy baby, and it should be your husbands. Any other "baggage" should not matter right now.
webmuse Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I'd say the 3 months he's gonna be in Alaska would be the best time to get your head together.. of course he wants to stay together while he's gone.. you're gonna be living your life while he's stuck on a fishing boat with a bunch of guys.. use that 3 months wisely!
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