Kamille Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Doesn't it feel great to have him set up the date? But I like things right now, it does seem like he's initiating things which I find to be really great because that shows he actually does enjoy my company right? Yes. You enjoy his company, he enjoys yours. That's where you're at. I don't think you need to be any further, nor do I think you need to worry about his interest level just yet. You two are just getting to know each other. Who knows, maybe after this date your interest level may dip. Have fun, be yourself, see where it goes.
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I'm a little confused - you gave the guy a blow job last week and now you are saying you didn't have sex yet?! wow:confused: What are you confused about? You don't know the difference between oral and intercourse? Um yeah, okay.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 Because papercut equates her self-worth to the amount of attention that men give her. She admitted as much in another thread. When she reads this, she's gonna think I'm being mean. I'm not. It truly concerns me when people are like this. They're doing nothing to help themselves; they're only looking for external validation to fill an inner lack. The problem is, no relationship can ever compensate for self-dissatisfaction. And when people live like that, they hurt themselves and those around them. Kizik, i know you're trying to be helpful, so I won't argue with you. I'm trying hard not to look for validation from artist guy, and I'm avoiding dating any other guys at the moment. So that's a good start right?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 So you lied to him again? O lord. Why not just be honest? If you like him so what? How is that a bad thing? I mean unless he's a creep or treats you like crap what is the harm in liking someone? I don't understand. Well I texted him on an impulse. Which had I truly explained were true after two dates, he would think I'm nuts. Wouldn't you think so? I mean there's actually no harm in liking anyone, but I find that if I start to really like someone first, I get hurt. With my ex, I remember the relationship started because he asked me to be his gf first. I've never actually asked anyone to be my bf.
kizik Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 OK but, even if you say you're "trying" not to look for validation, until you get some professional counseling - which I know you resist - you are not going to be able to control feeling so affected by others' actions. Paper, you can talk and talk and convince yourself whatever you want, but the problem remains. You don't like yourself. Don't respond with "I DO like myself!" b/c it ain't true. If you did, you would realize what you're doing. Blowing guys in a second date. Going through mood swings based upon their actions. F*ck men. Men are not the answer. Repeat, men are not the answer. You mentioned on another thread that your dad wasn't around growing up, and clearly this is the precedent for your total immersion into trying to get men to like you. A good start is to schedule an appointment with a therapist and start talking. You'd be amazed what you can learn about yourself.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 Doesn't it feel great to have him set up the date? Yes. You enjoy his company, he enjoys yours. That's where you're at. I don't think you need to be any further, nor do I think you need to worry about his interest level just yet. You two are just getting to know each other. Who knows, maybe after this date your interest level may dip. Have fun, be yourself, see where it goes. It felt absolutely great K. I was really surprised that he initiated. I knew Sunday is going to be Mother's Day but it was pretty amazing being asked by him to make dinner for me. I think we're going to play with sauce.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 I'm a little confused - you gave the guy a blow job last week and now you are saying you didn't have sex yet?! wow:confused: I know everyone has different opinions on sex. But to me, a blowjob isn't sex. It doesn't create attachment for me, so that's why I'm okay with it.
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Well I texted him on an impulse. Which had I truly explained were true after two dates, he would think I'm nuts. Wouldn't you think so? I mean there's actually no harm in liking anyone, but I find that if I start to really like someone first, I get hurt. With my ex, I remember the relationship started because he asked me to be his gf first. I've never actually asked anyone to be my bf. No. I think it's more nuts to go out with someone you don't like even once. But when you tell him you like him I think that's stating the obvious. Especially since you asked him out. You must like him to do that, right? So I think he already knows. Maybe it's good you asked him out. Some guys like women who know what they want and go after what they want. Like the blowjob. You wanted to do it so you did it. Don't feel bad about being you and being true to you. Ever.
Kamille Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Well I texted him on an impulse. Which had I truly explained were true after two dates, he would think I'm nuts. Wouldn't you think so? I mean there's actually no harm in liking anyone, but I find that if I start to really like someone first, I get hurt. With my ex, I remember the relationship started because he asked me to be his gf first. I've never actually asked anyone to be my bf. But you were not asking him to be your boyfriend, you were telling him you liked him. In my experience, telling the person you are dating that you like them can happen very early on, and does not equate a commitment. It's more of a: "hey, I like you and I would like to find out more about you". It's a good thing. I've told guys in the past that I liked them, but always in a flirty-confident kind of way. Also, in my experience, it can help you gage whether or not the person is on the same page as you. If I tell a guy that I like him and he starts distancing himself, then I found out early it was best not to get invested. Likewise, if a guy tells me he likes me and I feel uncomfortable, I know that means I need to stop seeing him.
Kamille Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I think we're going to play with sauce. I think you should make chocolate mousse for dessert. Chocolate mousse is a very versatile dessert... It can lead into trouble however, so be careful...
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 But you were not asking him to be your boyfriend, you were telling him you liked him. In my experience, telling the person you are dating that you like them can happen very early on, and does not equate a commitment. It's more of a: "hey, I like you and I would like to find out more about you". It's a good thing. I've told guys in the past that I liked them, but always in a flirty-confident kind of way. Also, in my experience, it can help you gage whether or not the person is on the same page as you. If I tell a guy that I like him and he starts distancing himself, then I found out early it was best not to get invested. Likewise, if a guy tells me he likes me and I feel uncomfortable, I know that means I need to stop seeing him. So it's okay to actually tell someone that? I mean I've seen so many threads on here that say you can't tell someone you like them after a couple of dates, it's like a taboo, to even mention it
Trialbyfire Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Because in all honesty, I'm jinxed. I had this happen to me in the past, where if I told a guy I liked him, he completely disappeared on me. Remember I wrote I had texted him I liked him? I didn't get a single reply back from him, and when I finally did sort things out with him ( over aim) I had to make it seem like I drunk texted him.xpapercutx, this guy keeps ringing my alarm bells. This is also an example of your gaming. You have nothing to recover from or be ashamed of. It's okay to like people. If they don't reciprocate or fear the like, while dating you, there's something wrong.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 No. I think it's more nuts to go out with someone you don't like even once. But when you tell him you like him I think that's stating the obvious. Especially since you asked him out. You must like him to do that, right? So I think he already knows. Maybe it's good you asked him out. Some guys like women who know what they want and go after what they want. Like the blowjob. You wanted to do it so you did it. Don't feel bad about being you and being true to you. Ever. Amay, that's the best advice I've ever gotten. And I never really made the connection before. You're right, I never really felt bad about the bj at all until people on here started telling me that I was giving myself up too easily, and then they contradict themselves by telling me they're having sex on the 3rd date. I know there's nothing wrong with me, although I do prefer to let emotions take over sometimes. Yes, I do like this guy, and I think we have amazing chemistry ( at least from my point of view). But I am still hesitant to actually approach him straight forward about how I feel. I hope things turn out great for the summer, because I know I would love to attend his galleries, and see most of new york with him. If he'll give me the chance, I'll be more than willing to open myself up to him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 xpapercutx, this guy keeps ringing my alarm bells. This is also an example of your gaming. You have nothing to recover from or be ashamed of. It's okay to like people. If they don't reciprocate or fear the like, while dating you, there's something wrong. TBF, I think when most people are dating, they don't exactly know the pace they're going at. That's why I'm writing about these things on here. I'm not exactly sure whether I'm going at a steady pace, moving too fast, moving too slow.. etc. I mean there's so much misinformation out there about who makes the moves or whatnot, that it can really make your head spin. okay so in order to stop my " gaming" I just need to stop worrying? I just go with the flow? I don't know how to actually explain in full his so called " reciprocation". We were talking online, so I wasn't exactly able to interpret how he actually felt. But he sort of played it off? I made a joke about drunk texting him and he replied " I figured". And we just switched topics.
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I know there's nothing wrong with me, although I do prefer to let emotions take over sometimes. Yes, I do like this guy, and I think we have amazing chemistry ( at least from my point of view). But I am still hesitant to actually approach him straight forward about how I feel. I hope things turn out great for the summer, because I know I would love to attend his galleries, and see most of new york with him. If he'll give me the chance, I'll be more than willing to open myself up to him. Just take it one day at a time. I look at relationships like this...no matter what happens I'm going to be okay. If it doesn't work out with him I'm sure you'll find something else to do over the summer. Yeah it'd be great if you guys are still hanging out over the summer but if not then you just had some quality time with someone who you think is a quality guy. And it's time well spent.
Trialbyfire Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 TBF, I think when most people are dating, they don't exactly know the pace they're going at. That's why I'm writing about these things on here. I'm not exactly sure whether I'm going at a steady pace, moving too fast, moving too slow.. etc. I mean there's so much misinformation out there about who makes the moves or whatnot, that it can really make your head spin. okay so in order to stop my " gaming" I just need to stop worrying? I just go with the flow? I don't know how to actually explain in full his so called " reciprocation". We were talking online, so I wasn't exactly able to interpret how he actually felt. But he sort of played it off? I made a joke about drunk texting him and he replied " I figured". And we just switched topics.During this aim recovery convo, who initiated the IM?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 During this aim recovery convo, who initiated the IM? I did TBF. But he initiated the next day. As well as for the dinner date sunday night.
Kamille Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 So it's okay to actually tell someone that? I mean I've seen so many threads on here that say you can't tell someone you like them after a couple of dates, it's like a taboo, to even mention it Trial answers this perfectly: This is also an example of your gaming. You have nothing to recover from or be ashamed of. It's okay to like people. If they don't reciprocate or fear the like, while dating you, there's something wrong. The thing is, I make sure, when I tell a guy "I like you" that I feel confident about saying it, and that I'm not saying it in the hopes of getting a result from him. I say it because I mean it. And, usually, I actually feel good after saying it. Just take it one day at a time. I look at relationships like this...no matter what happens I'm going to be okay. If it doesn't work out with him I'm sure you'll find something else to do over the summer. Yeah it'd be great if you guys are still hanging out over the summer but if not then you just had some quality time with someone who you think is a quality guy. And it's time well spent. Amazing posts Amays! I think part of the reason you struggle so much Paper is because you might not trust in yourself enough. I think that's where Kizik's comments about seeking outside validation come in. You are going to make your summer amazing, no matter what happens with this guy, because you're you. A fun, interesting, outgoing, charming girl.
Trialbyfire Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I did TBF. But he initiated the next day. As well as for the dinner date sunday night.So you had to retract your text, before he would talk to you again. xpapercutx, do yourself a favour. Plse stop pretzeling yourself for this guy. He's not worth it.
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