break? or should i move on...

[NaniGrrrl]

Well, i have been in this relationship for almost 5 years. It started out as a high school sweetheart relationship. But throughout the relationship it was like a rollercoaster. We would go on how many breaks...i think i counted 19 already. it's those one day or one week. but last year was about half a year. it was so devistating to me when he told me he fell out of love with me and he didn't think it would work. he wanted to see how other relationships were and it might be a good thing. i didn't know what to say to that..but i was just in pain the whole time. it was really hard. he would still call me and wanted to see me at times. i didn't want to show that i was desperate buti would go and see him everytime he would call. he got to hang out with his friends that were girls and i hung out with my gy friends. but he would get mad at the fact that i did that. he said that it makes him not like me more by me hanging out with guys. he thinks i liked them and was going to do stuff with them. but i told him that he does the same thing...he hangs out with girls and it just seems like he likes them. and he tells me it's different then me hanging out with my guy friend. that they are friends and don't like each other that way. so i told him my side and me and my friend don't see each other that way either. but he still deny's it. but later he found out that he does love me and he wanted to get back with me. he told me everything will change and he will stop breaking up with me and going on breaks. so i gave him another chance..thinking he did change.

 

but recently he wanted to go on a break to see how other relationships are... he said he doesn't want to date people it's just he wants more friends that are girls and boys. he told me it's because i didn't let him make new friends. i did though... it was fine for him to make new friends...he just tends to make friends that are girls. it just might be me...that i'm very insecure about myself. and i think i might be too dependent of him. he tells me that it's hard for him to trust people. and when he thinks they are getting close, he would push them away. that's y he kept on breaking up with me because he thought i might break up with him, so he broke up with me first. but i told him that why would i break up with you when i keep on taking you back?! then he said that he thinks when he is truely ready to settle down...i will break his heart like how he will always break mine. but i wouldn't do that...i just want him to change and to stop breaking up with me. i get jealous because he is the one that takes his girl friends to his room and lock the door. i mean...what should i think of that?! oh that he's just watching tv with them..NO! i think most girls would probably think that their bf is doing something else behind those doors. ya it's good to have friends that are girls but bringing them to your room?! come on?! who does that? if i did that...he would be so pissed at me and we would have a huge argument. even his sister tells him that it's not respectful to bring girls to his room when he has a gf. but i guess he doesn't see it like that. he just tells me that they are his friends and they don't do anything...they are just studying or playing rockband. so is it my fault that i get suspicious and jealous of him? that's when he gets mad.. he also doesn't like it when i ask where he is and who's he with. he always tells me..what you don't trust me? yes i do trust him but i just want to know where and who he's with..that's all... what if something happens to him..i would at least know where he was last. but he doesn't see it like that...he just thinks i'm like his mom. so when i go out he asks me where i am and who i'm with..so i play the trick back to him...and he gets pissed. there is no winning. i try to make him see my point of view but he just doesn't listen.

 

he is a good person. i would get jealous of his friends that are girls so eventually he would stop talking to them so it won't hurt me anymore. i get that... but i do the same for him. i don't even talk or hang out with my guy friends...and for guys that i would meet around the place..i would just be friendly to the point where it's just nothing...so my bf wouldn't get mad that i would be talking to them. i do so much for him and yet..he just want to hang out with girls and meet them to see if he is ready to settle down with me. it's so hard now... he gets to do whatever he wants, hang out with girls, drink, smoke weed...all the things i don't like him doing when he was with me. yet he still says.. he wants to get back with me, he wants to still marry me, we would get a house together, and grow old together. it's like he gets to do whatever he wants while i'm in pain...waiting for him to change. he tells me he will change..and this is the time for him to get it all out of his system so he won't like it anymore. he said that last year...and he just did it again this year. so idk what to do..should i believe him this time? should i even call him still yet. he still loves me and he said it's hurting him too...for us to be apart.

 

any advice?