How important is it to be able to have deep or intellectual conversations with an SO?

[amaysngrace]

Simple genuinity is far preferable to false intellectualism and pomposity, I agree.

 

 

What the hell? Are they real words?

 

I think you made them up.

[burning 4 revenge]

For me, yes, general curiosity and a high level of general intelligence is important. I like it when people take an interest in the specialist area in which I work and learn enough about it that when I talk about something that happened at work, they can understand what I'm talking about and respond meaningfully.

 

My [primary] partner works in an area I have very little interest in, so I kind of follow his general work updates, but I don't really engage with him about them. We have deep-and-meaningfuls about current affairs, movies we watch, etc.

 

Once I dated a guy and I mentioned to him that I did my [college] senior research on - let's say - Wittgenstein. (It was another philosopher, but - you know.) He showed up to the next date having acquired an encyclopedic knowledge of all Wittgenstein's writings and theories. And it's like he was trying to impress me with this knowledge. I found it overwhelming and a little creepy. But that's because personally I'd rather have a general discussion about how language is used than about the details of a particular linguistic theory. I mean, it was a third date, not a university lecture!!

did he score?

[kizik]

Isolde talks too goodly for a gurl.

[Land Shark]

did he score?

 

You know he did.

[WhyYesThankYou]

You know he did.

 

 

Not with me, he didn't.

[amaysngrace]

I think it's more important that my man's brain and mine flow at the same rate. It's like our thoughts go at the same speed.

 

He doesn't bore me by dragging out conversations and I don't go ADD on him. Or him with me. I think that's more important than the content of what we're talking about.

 

Although sometimes we talk about important things and then it's really good that we can keep up with each other. Because it's important to follow along.

[Trialbyfire]

Isolde, based on your explanation, I rate it a 10 but not all the time. There are topics I get intense about and others that are just interesting to chit chat to. I also love listening to someone who honestly knows his subject matter and is intense about it, whether it's career-related or a passionate hobby.

[kizik]

Isolde, based on your explanation, I rate it a 10 but not all the time. There are topics I get intense about and others that are just interesting to chit chat to. I also love listening to someone who honestly knows his subject matter and is intense about it, whether it's career-related or a passionate hobby.

 

And I sincerely doubt you'd ever date anyone who didn't have much to say

[Isolde]

I guess this is hard to define and quantify. I guess bottom line is, it's nice to be able to have this factor in a relationship but it's certainly nowhere near the most important. As amasyn pointed out, general conversational chemistry is more important.

[Trialbyfire]

And I sincerely doubt you'd ever date anyone who didn't have much to say

That is all!

[kizik]

TBF - c'mon. You didn't get 30,000 posts b/c your cat accidentally steps on your laptop. Let's call a spade a spade. Better yet, let's call an opinionated, community-focused woman such as yourself exactly that.

[Trialbyfire]

Explain "community-focused" Kizik.

[kizik]

OK. I like to think we have a little community here. I've been on here for a year, you a few. Sure, you and I got into it that one time. That sucked.

 

Anyway - you post on a lot of different boards and are a "known" presence here. You are hence community-focused, at least on LoveShack.

[Trialbyfire]

I've yet to date anyone, who hasn't had a lot to say, who's comfortable waxing eloquent on particular subjects.

 

My fiance has a number of intense interests of which career is at the top of the heap. When he gets into details, I can sit for hours and listen to him. I'm learning quite a bit from him and the great part is that I can reciprocate about my career, where it's a sector that he's utterly fascinated with, as well. We also share a number of mutual interests, which we can discuss for hours, some intensely, some chit chatting.

 

I don't consider either one of us intellectuals, though. If I were to condense each of us into applicable terms, he's a romantic with a pragmatic streak and I'm a pragmatist, with a romantic streak.

[tigressA]

I appreciate being able to talk about a wide variety of topics with my SO. I don't need to have many of those topics to rate high on the scale of intellectualism. If we're both enjoying a particular conversation and it flows well, then that's good for us. On a scale of 1 to 10, the importance of "deep/intellectual conversation" with my SO rates at a 4.

[Isolde]

If I were to condense each of us into applicable terms, he's a romantic with a pragmatic streak and I'm a pragmatist, with a romantic streak.

 

AWWW.

 

Actually, I think I'm similar to your fiance, except I enjoy putting on the intellectual hat with regard to the humanities, which I'm passionate about but don't work in. I like people that are specialized in one topic that I'm interested in, but I definitely don't require a guy I'm dating to be AN intellectual, per se. In fact, I think it could get annoying if we couldn't switch off and just talk normally.

 

I really find it sexy when guys are into the hard sciences or economics, because I'm terrible at those subjects yet fascinated by them.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

It's really a personal preference. So what is your preference? If that is important to you, than so be it. It may be more difficult to find the guy who can converse with you in this manner, but it may be more ultimately fulfilling.

 

I have a good friend who is a PhD candidate at a very elite institution in my city. Deep, intellectual conversation is very important to her. She found the guy who could do that and make her happy in other ways as well. I have another friend, also a PhD candidate at the same institution, who could care less. She wants an intelligent man for sure, but what is really important to her is a man who can who likes to drink beer, shoot pool, and speak knowledgebly, albeitly shallowly on many subjects. She found her perfect guy too.

 

Whatever floats your boat, Isolde.

[sb129]

For me, about a 8-9.

 

I can get very frustrated with narrow, deep intellectual conversation if I don't know anything about the subject and the people discussing it don't bother to explain it to me along the way.

But apart from that, I can hold my own intellectually most of the time in the circles I move in and so can my H.

 

I do like the fact that we aren't like that ALL the time though- its nice to be able to chit chat about all sorts of different things- it makes life more interesting and it makes you more approachable to a wider range of people and that is important in my line of work.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Not too important to me. I am not sure that I would like a guy that discusses deep mathematical theories and proofs (which is my career) over dinner. It gets a bit competative. At the same time I wouldn't be able to respect someone who has no talent for mathematics. I come in contact with lots of dry intellectuals/acedemics that are no fun and that's not something that I want.

 

General intelligence is important though, but even more so someone who has an emotional depth and can understand my complex emotions. Not very easy to find in a guy.

 

I am fascinated with psychology and I would find a guy who knows a lot about it very interesting.

[spookie]

Not important at all to me.

 

However, I need someone who understands math at least as well as I do. Otherwise, I can't respect them. And they woudln't be able to follow me down any of the paths that make ME excited.

 

Beyond that... I would actually prefer a non-intellectual. Intellectually lazy myself, I need somebody who is fun to hang out with and easy to talk to. Someone calm and stable, who wouldn't be intimidated by my shifting thought patters and moods.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Not important at all to me.

 

However, I need someone who understands math at least as well as I do. Otherwise, I can't respect them. And they woudln't be able to follow me down any of the paths that make ME excited.

 

Beyond that... I would actually prefer a non-intellectual. Intellectually lazy myself, I need somebody who is fun to hang out with and easy to talk to. Someone calm and stable, who wouldn't be intimidated by my shifting thought patters and moods.

 

Yeah, people can be very intelligent without being intellectuals (and vice versa). Intelligence is a definete turn on. Intellectuals are truthfully very boring to me. I need someone more colorful and fun (but not shallow fun as in "babe I got wasted last weekend and peed in my mate's vase!").

[tinklebell]

10.a stimulating, in-depth, fun conversation with a woman is by far THE most attractive quality I could think of that she could bear.

 

Smart is SO sexy.

 

I wish there are more guys like you.

 

To the thread's topic, deep and intellectual conversations are a turn on.

[kizik]

I wish there are more guys like you.

 

To the thread's topic, deep and intellectual conversations are a turn on.

 

Thanks!

 

You know, a lot of people on here seem to think that intellectuals blab on for hours about the inner workings of something really specific and boring... like the mating rituals of salamanders... no offense to salamanders.

 

It's really not like that. I am a fan of movies and books and music, and I like to talk about what works, what doesn't, what kind of impression the author/filmmaker/musician left on me. I dunno.

 

But I do hate the people that elaborate to impress, paying no intention to the interest factor (or lack thereof) of your conversation partner.

[TaraMaiden]

11/10.

 

My partner is both intelligent AND intellectual.....

I am very lucky indeed... Life will never be dull....

[Isolde]

Not important at all to me.

 

However, I need someone who understands math at least as well as I do. Otherwise, I can't respect them. And they woudln't be able to follow me down any of the paths that make ME excited.

 

Heh, you probably wouldn't enjoy hanging out with me then [as a friend]. I'm incapable of anything beyond single variable calculus.