conehead Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 So my bf agreed to do a blood and urine test for STDs, but when I asked him to do a fully body exam (where the doc looks around that area), he said it was unnecessary because he has not noticed any symptoms or lesions in his groin area. He basically refuses to do a full body exam, and I suspect because its probably not the most comfortable thing for a guy to go through and he said he hasnt done any unsafe sex practices. He said he last had a body exam 2.5 year ago and hasn't been with anyone else after that until me. But I mean wouldn't a doctor's examination be better at checking for symptoms rather than his own self exam? And is it unreasonable for me to ask him to do this being that if he does have any stds he'd be likely to pass it to me given he is my bf? What do you all think? Has anyone else made their bf do a full body exam on top of a blood/urine std test?
You'reasian Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 So my bf agreed to do a blood and urine test for STDs, but when I asked him to do a fully body exam (where the doc looks around that area), he said it was unnecessary because he has not noticed any symptoms or lesions in his groin area. He basically refuses to do a full body exam, and I suspect because its probably not the most comfortable thing for a guy to go through and he said he hasnt done any unsafe sex practices. He said he last had a body exam 2.5 year ago and hasn't been with anyone else after that. But I mean wouldn't a doctor's examination be better at checking for symptoms rather than his own self exam? And is it unreasonable for me to ask him to do this being that if he does have any stds he'd be likely to pass it to me given he is my bf? What do you all think? Has anyone else made their bf do a full body exam on top of a blood/urine std test? You can ask him if to confirm his most recent health exam - some jobs require a regular health exam - if he volunteers to do so, he could obtain a copy that shows he is indeed free of such illness.
Trialbyfire Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 conehead, ask yourself if this is just another way to avoid having sex before marriage, without directly confronting your b/f with it.
Author conehead Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 conehead, ask yourself if this is just another way to avoid having sex before marriage, without directly confronting your b/f with it. Well aside from that issue, I just dont want my bf passing any stds to me.
You'reasian Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Well aside from that issue, I just dont want my bf passing any stds to me. Committed, monogamous relationships are usually the best at preserving the health of oneself and protecting their partner's - but are so *controlling* and *boring* to most.
sotired Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 What are you talking about? I've never heard of this....Whenever I've been tested they do a urine test and blood test and vaginal swab....as boys don't have vaginas they usually just do blood/urine. If he doesn't have any bumps or lessions what exactly are you wanting the doctor to look at?
kizik Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 boys don't have vaginas I completely agree with this. Seriously, if your BF has a problem with getting an exam for you, it's probably a sign of his douche-iness to come.
Art_Critic Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I don't see the need for a physical exam.. but if it is what you want then it should be up to him.. you shouldn't punish him for wanting to to the blood and urine testing but draws a line at some dr examining his every hair on his scrotum. Are you willing to have the same STD testing done ?.. blood, urine, vaginal and total body exam ? If the physical exam was the best way to test for STD's then I would think the medical community would throw out the laboratory blood and urine testing and just go with a physical exam... I think the blood and urine is the best test today... If he has any symptoms then a physical exam and follow up with the blood and urine is best.. but he hasn't any symptoms... Do you not trust him ?
Trialbyfire Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 What are you talking about? I've never heard of this....Whenever I've been tested they do a urine test and blood test and vaginal swab....as boys don't have vaginas they usually just do blood/urine. If he doesn't have any bumps or lessions what exactly are you wanting the doctor to look at?There's no test for men for HPV, although some strains of HPV will cause genital warts.
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 He said he last had a body exam 2.5 year ago and hasn't been with anyone else after that until me. Don't you trust him then?
thewingwoman Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I don't think you're out of line at all... If you're planning to have sex with someone, and they claim to be monogamous to you, then I don't see why he would have such a problem with it. And yes, a body exam can detect several diseases that a blood/urine test cannot. A swab can reveal things that might not have developed symptoms yet... remind him that not all STDs show symptoms immediately, some do take years to surface. Just to backup your claim, I recently went through this ordeal with not a boyfriend, just a potential. He was happy to oblige, and came through clean. Just remind him that he's not only doing it for you, but he really needs to be 100% sure himself. He'll realize how much better he feels when he gets the results back knowing that he was tested for absolutely everything (no matter how uncomfortable the test was, the result is worth it).
kizik Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I don't think you're out of line at all... If you're planning to have sex with someone, and they claim to be monogamous to you, then I don't see why he would have such a problem with it. And yes, a body exam can detect several diseases that a blood/urine test cannot. A swab can reveal things that might not have developed symptoms yet... remind him that not all STDs show symptoms immediately, some do take years to surface. Just to backup your claim, I recently went through this ordeal with not a boyfriend, just a potential. He was happy to oblige, and came through clean. Just remind him that he's not only doing it for you, but he really needs to be 100% sure himself. He'll realize how much better he feels when he gets the results back knowing that he was tested for absolutely everything (no matter how uncomfortable the test was, the result is worth it). Totally agreed. We're talking about health and safety. You don't really know him, after all. As I said before, if he refuses, he's a douche. Doesn't respect or value you at all.
BoredPerson Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I know it can be difficult for the posters here to make intelligent comments. 1) STD's are not taking over the world. - if you don't root around with everyone you meet using no protection, you should be alright. 2) Just because a man doesn't do what you tell him to doesn't mean he doesn't 'respect or value' you. - Those types of slogans are manipulative examples of ways people use to justify being crap people.
thewingwoman Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I know it can be difficult for the posters here to make intelligent comments. 1) STD's are not taking over the world. - if you don't root around with everyone you meet using no protection, you should be alright. 2) Just because a man doesn't do what you tell him to doesn't mean he doesn't 'respect or value' you. - Those types of slogans are manipulative examples of ways people use to justify being crap people. STDs are far more dominant than several people realize. And no, you won't be alright even if you don't "root around with everyone you meet"... Because even the person you trust with everything you have can have something and not know it. He only had to root around with one person who rooted around with someone else that has it, and he might not even know it. Check out the infidelity forum, there's tons of folks out there rooting around when their SOs don't know it, and guess what can come of that... They can get an STD. No I'm not saying he's untrustworthy and screwing around, but someone he was with could have been with might have been without his knowledge. So many people lie about getting tested and there's several naive people that believe them, and thus believe they don't have a reason to get tested, because hey, they're monogamous, and they're trusted loved one said they're clean. This is not the case. I had a friend contract an STD from her husband of 13 years, and she didn't find out about it until after the divorce and after she passed it to someone else. She didn't mean to give this other guy anything, but she believed her husband was clean... I never said he didn't respect her or value her for not doing it. I just don't think she's out of line in requesting it. And if he's willing to go through with the blood and urine testing, I don't see the big deal about going through with the swab exam.
Art_Critic Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Honestly with the divorce rate over 50% I would be more worried about my relationship and the stability of it rather than worried over the difference between laboratory exams/physical exams for STD's... Have you both been to any relationship counseling together ?... that seems more important to me.. After reviewing your past threads I think a relationship counselor would be a better spent dollar if you are trying to make yourself safe from failure. but to answer the OP.. no it isn't unreasonable to ask.. but it would taking it too far under the conditions of him doing the blood and urine to hold it against him if he doesn't do a physical exam... I don't agree with the people that say he should do EVERYTHING you ask him to do..I believe that if he loves you then he would do anything only within reason and honestly he is the one that gets to decide what is within his reason or boundaries. While some people wouldn't hesitate to do it it seems he is.. so he has a boundary that you are trying to get him to cross.. It would then be up to you to decide if this was acceptable to you and then make any adjustments or decisions you deem fair.. This needs more investigation IMO.. it seems there is more to this than just a DR visit...
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 A full body exam won't show jack. There are a lot of STDs that just crop up. They aren't always visible. But maybe if he is stressing about the test it may make them appear. Yeah...good idea.
thewingwoman Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 A full body exam won't show jack. There are a lot of STDs that just crop up. They aren't always visible. But maybe if he is stressing about the test it may make them appear. Yeah...good idea. I've been assuming that by "full body exam" she's referring to a swab test. Do they actually do full body exams that don't involve the swab? If so, yeah that's kind of a waste of time.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 First of all, even if he had HPV, for example, he may not be showing warts at this time. They come and go. It sounds like he must really like and trust you to go for any kind of exam at all. To be honest, if a guy asked me to get tested for STD's, and I did, then I would be pretty annoyed that he then asked me to get a full body exam. I would think that he didn't trust me and that he thought I was dirty, or something. This just sounds like a fear of sexuality to me. BTW, TBF is right. There is no test for men for HPV.
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I've been assuming that by "full body exam" she's referring to a swab test. Do they actually do full body exams that don't involve the swab? If so, yeah that's kind of a waste of time. What exactly do they swab on a guy? His butt? Or do they squeeze for juice?
BoredPerson Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 STDs are far more dominant than several people realize. And no, you won't be alright even if you don't "root around with everyone you meet"... Because even the person you trust with everything you have can have something and not know it. He only had to root around with one person who rooted around with someone else that has it, and he might not even know it. Check out the infidelity forum, there's tons of folks out there rooting around when their SOs don't know it, and guess what can come of that... They can get an STD. No I'm not saying he's untrustworthy and screwing around, but someone he was with could have been with might have been without his knowledge. So many people lie about getting tested and there's several naive people that believe them, and thus believe they don't have a reason to get tested, because hey, they're monogamous, and they're trusted loved one said they're clean. This is not the case. I had a friend contract an STD from her husband of 13 years, and she didn't find out about it until after the divorce and after she passed it to someone else. She didn't mean to give this other guy anything, but she believed her husband was clean... I never said he didn't respect her or value her for not doing it. I just don't think she's out of line in requesting it. And if he's willing to go through with the blood and urine testing, I don't see the big deal about going through with the swab exam. Why are Americans so scared of everything ?
sb129 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 If he doesn't have any bumps or lessions what exactly are you wanting the doctor to look at? Thats what I was thinking. I would have thought blood and urine were probably the best indicators, esp as many STDs show no physical signs or symptoms for a long time. Personally I would be happy with that. Honestly with the divorce rate over 50% I would be more worried about my relationship and the stability of it rather than worried over the difference between laboratory exams/physical exams for STD's... Have you both been to any relationship counseling together ?... that seems more important to me.. After reviewing your past threads I think a relationship counselor would be a better spent dollar if you are trying to make yourself safe from failure. but to answer the OP.. no it isn't unreasonable to ask.. but it would taking it too far under the conditions of him doing the blood and urine to hold it against him if he doesn't do a physical exam... I don't agree with the people that say he should do EVERYTHING you ask him to do..I believe that if he loves you then he would do anything only within reason and honestly he is the one that gets to decide what is within his reason or boundaries. While some people wouldn't hesitate to do it it seems he is.. so he has a boundary that you are trying to get him to cross.. It would then be up to you to decide if this was acceptable to you and then make any adjustments or decisions you deem fair.. This needs more investigation IMO.. it seems there is more to this than just a DR visit... Agree 100%. Esp the bolded parts. I think there is more to it.
Author conehead Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Ok, so for clarification.....I did not ask him to do a full body exam AFTER he's done the blood/urine exam....he hasn't done either yet. I have done both blood and full body exam/pap smear a few weeks ago and came out clean. I asked him to do the same, and he said he's ok with blood/urine but does not want to do the full body exam part. As much as I tried to convince him that it's good by showing him his research, he remained firm on his point that he hasn't noticed any lesions in his groin area (despite the fact that sometimes lesions are so small that only a doc can detect it) and that he hasnt been with anyone for so long. So in the end, I stopped trying to convince him since I can't force him to do something he clearly doesnt want to do. However, neither of us brought up sex so I think for now we are just going to abstain. I didnt' bring up the std exam directly as a precursor to sex, but rather as just something I think is good for both of us to do since I noted that some stds dont have syptoms but can lead to sterility/infertility.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Why is he so reluctant to get the test? I would imagine someone who doesn't want to go in for a test knows that there's something wrong with them. It's not about caring or not caring about you so much as it's a matter of making sure one's safe and that one doesn't pass on anything to anyone else. 2.5 years is a while ago, most people whether they're sexually active or not do get tested 2 times a year to be safe. I mean this is your life we're talking about. Any kind of STD is dangerous and risky.
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