Seeing him for the last time-accepting it

[bluewolf17]

Tonight I have a date with my ex-boyfriend. Well, Kind of. I had bought us theatre tickets awhile ago, and the play is tonight. We have been talking since the break up two months ago, so I invited him, and he said yes.

 

And I have regretted it all week. Of course I want to see him, of course. But I know how it will end. I will hope that he does things/says things that lead me to beleive he wants me back. I will ignore the things he does that makes me think he over it. I will be let down when the night doesn't end in us back together. This is why I just want to call him and cancel..but the play is less than 3 hours away..would that be rude?

 

I am just done. We have gone out 4 times now, and we have a great time. If he doesn't know by now if he wants to try again, I don't think any amount of fun dates will change that. After tonight, I am done. No more accepting dates from him. No more empty text's from him. No more Facebook teasing. I just have to leave him alone, and leave with some grace and dignity. Granted ,he wanted to try again, I would. God knows I want another chance. But I don't see it now.

 

My birthday is next week. We have been together 3.5 years and he never forgot my birthday. He always did special things for me. This birthday he told me he will be at a 3 series basebal game in Seattle on Sunday (my birthday). He didn't seem to realize what day that was. I guess that should have been proof, but I ignored it, because in that same night, he told me how much fun we have, and how he thinks about me, and things remind him of me.

 

But the next day nothing. No calls. No Texts. No follow ups. I wait and wait and I feel like all my love has drained from my body. My energy is low and nothing seems to give me pleasure. I am nothing like the strong, confident, outgoing funny girl I use to be. I wouldn't want to date me either, in my current condition. I am just ready to accept it all, and move forward.

 

Who's with me?

[webmuse]

I truly hope you ended up cancellilng this date!

 

You are right, you will probably be disappointed, if not tonight.. tomorrow.

 

But lets get perspective, You didn't accept a date from him, you asked him out on a date...

 

forget about him and focus on that strong, confident, outgoing funny girl you are, but are too busy trying to be.. what exactly?

[huck]

Im with ya Bluewolf.

 

Been through a very similar situation as you over the past month..

 

Broke up with my ex 2 months ago and for the past few weeks we have tried to give things another go..

 

But - ive been the one whos making all the effort, planning things, initiating any romantic stuff and it got to the point where I was just fed up and miserable. I knew deep down that I was clinging onto the past and all the good times when we were together.

 

So I finished it for good this week.. I still love her and miss being with her but im not prepared to be unhappy. Like you I feel drained of the whole situation and just want to be happy with someone.

 

Gonna be positive, keep my chin up and move on in life !

[PinkRibbon]

I understand. That is why I had to send that "One last time email" then be done with it. I am glad I did becaue we are not done thankfully.

 

But how did it go last night? Anything good come of it?

[bluewolf17]

Okay, and update. The night was awful! I did go.

I picked him up and we went and saw the play (which was amazing). We both really liked it and had a good time. So after the play ends (about 9:30) we leave, and we are trying to figure out what to do. If we want to go get drinks, or go to my place or his and just hang out. Halfway to his house he tells me he thinks he will just call it a night. WTF! We are young, and it's not even 10 on a Friday! I was really irriated. He said he had a lot of homework, blah blah. I drove home in silence. I new the truth. So I drop him off, and he tells me not to be bad. But I am really mad. He just didnt't want to spend any more time on it.

I went to my place and brewed on it awhile. It was so obvious what he did. So I called him (I know, I know). I asked him what his deal was. He said nothing, that we can hang out later this week. I told him that's it. I have to be clear with him. I told him I that I don't want to be "friends". I told him my intentions are to reconcile, and if his aren't, he needs to tell me. He then admitted that his roomate, Jeff, invited him out earlier for drinks, and he double booked his night. He told me I caugt him in his lie, and he is really sorry. (Tony was never a liar, I was shocked). He said he felt bad, but that is what happend. I told him I couldn't beleive he would lie about somthing like that. Then I told him that seeing him once a week is really hurting me. I told him that I do love him, that I miss him, and I want him back. I want to make him a priority, and I want a better relationship. I basically put it on the line. He said that I am forcing this on him. That he can't say no or yes. I asked why not. He said that I broke up with him for a reason, and I was fine not talking/seeing him forever-two months ago. I told him I spent the last two months regretting that. I told him he is stringing me along, and he should tell me what he wants. He said he isn't do that. He said he misses me too-somtimes. He said rigt now he DOESN'T WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER. That we are in diffrent places (BS). He said that he still seems me because he cares for me, and he sees us working out in the long run. He said I just need to "relax" and calm down, and it's not that bad. He said he doesn't want to cut off contact because he sees somthing in us, but he is not ready for it now. I was just a mess, crying. He kept saying lets meet up in a few days and talk about it. What will change in a couple days!! Anway. Sorry for the long rant. I cried myself to sleep and woke up not sure if I was emberresed, or proud. I guess I know now. He just doesn't want to be with me. He said it himself. So theres no point in seeing him/talking to him anymore.

I feel like such a monster. Like I must have been just terrible to him for him to be able two walk away from 3.5 years so easily. He still wants to see eachother, etc. But how can I do that now? I can't.

[badbrit]

I asked why not. He said that I broke up with him for a reason, and I was fine not talking/seeing him forever-two months ago. I told him I spent the last two months regretting that. I told him he is stringing me along,

 

 

So you dumped him, broke his heart and basically now you have changed your mind and want to snap your fingers and it all to be fixed?

 

When you wanted to be with him originally - great

Then when you didnt want to be with him he is meant to accept that

Then you change your mind and he is meant to now change his too?

 

Life is not all about you sweety. You may have spent two months regretting it, however you still did it and now wonder why he is indecisive, confused, not willing to commit?

 

You reap what you sow and now that you are left all confused, feeling like you are being strung along, do not know what is happening, you do not like it. Poor you, my heart bleeds NOT. Maybe you are not experiencing what he did whilst trying to understand why you dumped him. Double standards. It is ok for him to go through hell but "hey, dont let someone do the same to me because i cannot accept it!!!"

 

Until you lose this selfish streak you will continue to fail in life.

[badbrit]

Like I must have been just terrible to him for him to be able two walk away from 3.5 years so easily. He still wants to see eachother, etc. But how can I do that now? I can't.

 

I thought it was YOU who did the walking away so easily!!!!!!

 

Damn lady, you are one confused, selfish, double standards, transference girl

[bluewolf17]

Thanks for the support, BadBrit. I don't think it's fair for you to judge me based on a half page condensed version of somthing very personal. There has been a lot of great advise on this forum, but this time, you missed the mark.