confuzed25 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 So after my last 2 relationships failing miserably after only a month or two I have begun to wonder if I am at fault. Was I not pretty enough, interesting enough, outgoing enough? Did I do something wrong to push them away? My second to last relationship lasted 2 months...things were so great at first. I had learned from past relationships and I was not jealous, I let him go out with friends, even friends that were girls and I never said a word about it. I actually encouraged it. I waited to have sex, I showed that I was interested but I was not clingy. His family loved me. But after about a month and a half he became more distant and started hanging out with a new girl a lot until I finally had proof that he was cheating on me and I dumped him. He called ME insecure and never contacted me again. My most recent relationship just ended a week ago. We were dating for a month....the entire time though was so great, he would repeatedly say that i was the perfect girl, he liked me so much, was so glad he found me, when i was not with him he texted me all the time that he missed me, he asked me to see him every night i was free, he made plans for us a few months ahead. then i accidentally found a text message to his ex girlfriend that showed he was obviously choosing her over me. i angrily confronted him about it, he kept saying he only wanted to be with me, i told him to cut the crap, that i had heard it all before from other guys. he kissed me on the forehead and left and i havent heard from him since. neither one of us said we were breaking up but the next day he had changed his myspace status to single. I just dont get it....why did both of these guys seem SO interested but I catch them doing something they shouldnt and instead of apologizing or trying to make things right they walk away like it is so easy?? I feel like its my fault, like Im doing something wrong that makes it so easy to just leave me. I cant figure it out at all....like do I seem great at first but then I am doing something wrong to push them away? Or is it just the guy himself? Any thoughts on this???
kizik Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 My rule of thumb is as follows: Everything that happens in my life is a) my fault or b) my doing. If something is going wrong, then yes, it is your fault by keeping bad company.
gopher Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 I think the only fault you have here, is attracting these types of guys. I went through a period where I was attracting and choosing to be in relationships with the wackiest women you can imagine. I viewed as something I needed to change and worked on myself...I'm not sure what you situation is, but just wanted to share my experience.
BCCA Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Don't always take what people say at face value. I remember having a small streak before of girls cheating, and the one thing they had in common was that they initially acted EXTREMELY interested. I think they do it to offset any suspicion you might have, honestly. Not to be harsh, but you're probably making the same mistake I do: youre getting too emotionally involved with someone who isn't fully invested in you. You have to kind of take what people say with a grain of salt until you are CONVINCED they mean it. I dont mean be insecure, but dont just really let yourself get too far ahead. If you date someone for a month or so, its not really much. Yeah, its better than they day you met them, but you really dont KNOW them yet. Everything that happens in my life is a) my fault or b) my doing. If something is going wrong, then yes, it is your fault by keeping bad company. This is unfortunately kind of true, as Im learning the hard way. Its hard, but dont let yourself feel helpless.
Cora Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 You aren't alone....I seem to have the very same problem. Guys seem to be really interested in me at first and then they either lose interest and become distant or they cheat and lie to me about it. I don't know why I keep attracting these types of men. There must be some kind of secret vibe I'm giving off that I'm not aware of. I also have the problem of becoming attached too quickly. It's quite tireing. I haven't dated much at all but I already just feel like giving up. I wish I knew what to do in order to attract a better quality of men. I guess being shy doesn't help my case much either......sigh
tigressA Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 I used to be in this position. None of my relationships would last longer than a few months, or I would get no commitment at all. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 19; I'm 22 now. I was pretty desperate for validation from guys since I had never had even a slight taste of it until I was almost out of my teenage years. I had attached myself to these guys way too quickly, too, and it scared them off. I had to make myself see that what I was doing was incredibly unhealthy and that I could never have a healthy, happy relationship with anyone else unless I really, truly loved myself first. I used to think it was the guys' problem too, but just look at yourself for a minute. Think: Why exactly did I choose to become involved with these guys? If it had little or nothing to do with their qualities and mostly or everything to do with how they made you feel/the attention they gave to you, then you have a problem.
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 But after about a month and a half he became more distant and started hanging out with a new girl a lot until I finally had proof that he was cheating on me and I dumped him. He called ME insecure and never contacted me again. He was a d1ck, you dumped him. You did everything right. then i accidentally found a text message to his ex girlfriend that showed he was obviously choosing her over me. i angrily confronted him about it, he kept saying he only wanted to be with me, i told him to cut the crap, that i had heard it all before from other guys. he kissed me on the forehead and left and i havent heard from him since. neither one of us said we were breaking up but the next day he had changed his myspace status to single. He was a d1ck, you confronted him. You did everything right. Keep dating and you'll run into someone that isn't a frog.
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