fairycake Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Hello, I'm devastated after my bf split with me and was hoping someone would understand. It was nearly 4 months ago and we were only together 3 and a half months but I'm not doing well at 'moving on'. I have depression anyway so that partly explains why I'm struggling but the break up has impacted on me more than I'd imagine. It was an intense relationship and he told me he loved me first, said it everyday and there were no probs with the relationship apart from not always having time together due to his job. He had some probs himself that got worse and within a week he went distant and said he was bad at relationships and he couldn't give me anything. This was despite me being happy with him and not having major probs with any aspect of how he was in the relationship. Anyway I was devastated and we discussed it several times and I still didn't understand why he suddenly 'couldn't' be with me. He said he still felt the same about me and was nothing to do with me, it was just him but it seems as though he didn't love me enough and that hurts. He said he wanted to be friends but never contacted me and on the odd occasion I sent a casual message to see how he was he was distant and later wrote a couple of suggestive things to do with women on facebook which I confronted him about and he said I'd got it wrong and was just a joke. Anyway I took him off my page cos of his insensativity, deleted all messages and pics but still he's always on my mind. I keep trying to work out why it went wrong but I can't understand. I've never had a relationship with anyone else and it helped my self-esteem to finally find someone I liked who liked me. I don't believe I'll meet anyone else cos I'm stuggling with my depression and anxiety problems and I can't work and only see a few close female friends. I just feel so hurt and betrayed and I don't get why he behaved this way. Why do some many people let you down? It's sent my fragile self-esteem further down. One of the things that makes it worse is there are still loads of things I want to say to him but I can't as we're not in touch and if I did contact him and say them I'd just be laying myself open for more hurt and loss of dignity.
Nuala83 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Don't beat yourself up about things. I'm only six weeks into my break up and in those six weeks I've been an emotional wreck! I've spent nights crying my eyes out, not eating and walking around in a daze. It's ok to fall apart when you've been hurt. Taking him off your facebook was a very good idea. I kept on looking at my ex's facebook for weeks and OUCH it was painfull. Lots of flirty messages to his 'just a friend' and photos of them cheek to cheek looking very cosy. I too have never had a relationship with anyone else and yes having a boyfriend helped my self esteem but you can't rely on someone else for your self esteem. That has to come from you. Have you ever seen anyone about your depression/anxiety problems? I can't tell you how to fix those things cos I don't know how but from what you said in your post, you've already done a lot of things right i.e deleting his facebook, not contacting him and speaking to close female friends. Well done! I wish I'd done those things sooner. I don't know why some people just let you down and I don't know why some people don't give any answers. You deserve better. If you wanna read one of my posts it's here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t188238/ It's kinda long and rambling but it maybe of some help
scootncash Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Hi fariycake, I am truly sorry for your pain and suffering. I know its tough and its even harder for you. I too suffered from depression and sought therapy and took my little happy pills. I regained my life and I made it through and I know so can you. Take it all an eyelash at a time. Handle it in little moments not the entire breakup itself. Trust God he will get you thru it. Read my post Losing Him Wasnt a Total Loss. I think you'll find a little something there to help you. That was my purpose in putting it out there. It really doesnt matter how long or how short you were togehter. It hurts the same regardless. I wish you the best. Stay strong. Work on YOU! Live for YOU! Scootncash
Author fairycake Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 Thanks very much for the replies. I've suffered with the depression and anxiety for several years and I get a bit of help, medication and some therapy but generally have to cope on my own as the health service only really take you seriously if you've attempted suicide. Anyway I try to be content in myself but I found it difficult not to feel insecure that I was 25 and I'd never had a boyfriend plus I craved the partnership so when I meet this guy who I got on so well with instantly, could chat about anything and had the physical spark I was so happy. I've always been wary of getting too close to anyone as I know I'm emotional and people have hurt me in the past so I was slightly reserved with this guy, he was more emotional than me at the start and it was him who pushed for a serious relationship when I would have been happy to date for a bit. He said things like there was nothing he disliked about me, I was everything he wanted in a girl, he felt something for me he hadn't felt for anyone else (he was in his thirties and had several serious relationships in past)...all after we were sleeping together so it's not as though he said it for sex. I just don't get why someone would say that if they didn't mean it and if he did mean it why then split with me for no real reason? Part of the pain for me is that I couldn't protect myself despite trying to safeguard my emotions but I suppose I just have to accept you can't control things. Scootncash I did read your story and though it was very sad I'm glad you managed to come through it. Nuala83 I was shocked by what happened to you too and no wonder you are devastated. I don't know if it's any consolation but even if your ex hooks up with some other woman I doubt he'll stick around long if he's decided to be on his own. When I was telling a friend how jealous I'd be if my ex got with someone else she said well good luck to whoever has to deal with him being a selfish bastard and I realised she was right. They'll treat anyone new just as badly.
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