I need to end my affair, it's destroying me, why can't I do it, why???

[MizzBlue72]

I have been there. It's hard, and the emotions weren't supposed to be so strong and the feelings weren't supposed to grow ... I know.

 

And it hurts SO bad sometimes.

 

I heard the I am so unhappy but will not leave because of financial reasons too. It hurts, but in a way, for me - this was good. It let me see that there was absolutely no future, no growth to our relationship. I would always just be a dirty little secret.

 

You don't have to be this anymore. You can stop this - you DO deserve more than this!! You will find someone who loves all of you. Not just the part that is below your belt. He may care about you - but remember - he does go home each night to his wife. I know that seems trivial (like OF COURSE he goes home to his wife) but once I finally FINALLY realized this, it sank in - and I changed. I was letting him hurt me as much as I was hurting myself.

 

So - let go of him. You truly deserve someone who can commit 100% of themselves to you 100% of the time.

[OpenBook]

So are we saying here that when you are in an affair, it is not a real situation, that it is not real love? That it is basically an illusion over what we know we cannot have?? Can't accept that. It feels like love to me, it is love. I would not have put myself through this for anything less.

 

No, I agree with you that the OW's feelings of being "in love" are VERY real. It's just that the object of those feelings, in the OP's case (which my post was addressing) is unworthy.

 

But I believe this to be true of everyone - the love you give is a precious gift to anyone who receives it. And you take it with you when you go; it's yours to give - the MM you're walking away from has not robbed you of it in any way.

 

I'm trying to address the fear that's behind the reluctance to let someone go who isn't returning the love you're giving him. The fear is that you will lose so much of yourself, that you're walking away from love and happiness, the stuff that makes life worth living. This is an illusion. The potential to live in love and happiness is always inside you. And nobody can take it away from you, unless you let them.

 

I'm not sure if I'm being clear enough here, but hope this helps.

[crystal_lostheart]

I feel for you...I think you are where I was a while ago - starting NC is horrible and yes you will break it or he will. But an addiction is just that....and you must go through the withdrawal before you can get better. So cliche' - when you physically hurt and wound yourself - there is a stage that wound will go through before it heals. And it generally gets worse before it starts feeling better. What heals it?? Time.... Don't keep opening up the wound or you just make it worse and it's harder for it to heal properly.

 

Finally, I am getting my head around things.....Rarely do these R work out and if they do, so much work has to be done for trust to be put back into place.

 

Delve deeper into the reason as why you became the OW (there is a thread on this)...this might help you find a way to break away from him

 

You can do this.......Lots of us have here.....and so can you

[NoIDidn't]

OB, that was a great post. I've responded just like delirious did in that state as well.

 

Its very hard to stop projecting those feelings onto the object of one's affection.