JeezLouise Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 How much time is acceptable or plausible for a very successful businessman to give a lover per week? There is about 1.5 hours of distance between us, and I am unable to call him, although he can call me, and does 2-5 times a week. We email at least daily, and usually several times a day. He is a custom home contractor and rental owner, and has many job sites that he needs to check on each day/week; he doesn't like to delegate too much as then he doesn't feel that he keeps his attention fully on his work How much time do OW get on a weekly basis, on average?
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Can I ask? Why are you settling for table scraps? Is this married guy really worth it? To fit into HIS time schedule, on his terms? Eventually this won't be enough and you'll want more.
pkn06002 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Look you are a side fling you cannot make demands on how much time he can give you.
2sure Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Just to address the question directly: The more successful a man is , the more time he has, among other things. For example - executives who travel frequently for their jobs have less time constraints and often take you with them or visit you. A man who runs a company has more opportunity to carve out time for you than one who punches a clock. I suppose this rule of thumb would change if a man were unemployed of course.
Author JeezLouise Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 Can I ask? Why are you settling for table scraps? Is this married guy really worth it? To fit into HIS time schedule, on his terms? Eventually this won't be enough and you'll want more. Yes, you may ask. He is worth it to me, for now. I am married as well, and my work schedule is pretty flexible (work from home, part-time.) The 'why's' are a bit more complex, and I am not going to get into that now.
Author JeezLouise Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 Just to address the question directly: The more successful a man is , the more time he has, among other things. For example - executives who travel frequently for their jobs have less time constraints and often take you with them or visit you. A man who runs a company has more opportunity to carve out time for you than one who punches a clock. I suppose this rule of thumb would change if a man were unemployed of course. I can definitely see that with an exec, especially one who travels. He has about 30 houses going at any one time, with a condo complex. He has an office manager who is good friends with his wife, and who will text him when she can't get hold of him. He has about 8 agents under a broker, but he keeps an eye on the broker, too. He has a site manager, but the SM can't visit all the home sites enough to keep an adequate eye on them, and he can't find another SM who is honest and really inspects the sites. MM is the only one who meets with the buyers on a consistent basis. So I do know that his days are pretty filled. I just got irked with him last night; our last two visits were cut short by his office manager texting him repeatedly with a couple of problems.
jwi71 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 There is no average or set number. In your case, the time looks to be VERY limited. 1) He has his work 2) His W 3) His kids(?) 4) Time for his friends/alone time/business social events That alone doesn't leave much time available for you. Complicating matters will be your own time constraints...being married yourself. And if you have kids, their schedules will have to be accommodated as well. All of which will further diminish the times you can meet. And like the above posters have said...you have NO rights to his time. You will get what he chooses to offer. No more, no less. And, to be frank, you asking this question does NOT bode well for you. I promise, it only gets worse.
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Yes, you may ask. He is worth it to me, for now. I am married as well, and my work schedule is pretty flexible (work from home, part-time.) The 'why's' are a bit more complex, and I am not going to get into that now. Why are you cheating on your husband? Is it worth losing your marriage, your house, your lifestyle, friends, extended family? All for some MM? I just got irked with him last night; our last two visits were cut short by his office manager texting him repeatedly with a couple of problems. So it's not his fault. You can't be his number one priority. And honestly, he should NOT be yours. Good luck here..You're in the midst of a mess - Sooner or later you two WILL be busted and then the fallout is going to be happen.
OWoman Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 How much time is acceptable or plausible for a very successful businessman to give a lover per week? There is about 1.5 hours of distance between us, and I am unable to call him, although he can call me, and does 2-5 times a week. We email at least daily, and usually several times a day. He is a custom home contractor and rental owner, and has many job sites that he needs to check on each day/week; he doesn't like to delegate too much as then he doesn't feel that he keeps his attention fully on his work How much time do OW get on a weekly basis, on average? I think you're going about this the wrong way. Tell him what YOUR expectations / demands are. If he can't meet those, it's never going to work. Given your flexibility, you'd have far more luck finding someone else who could fit your schedule and demands than he will finding someone willing to put up with the llittle bit he's willing / able to offer, so he may well find himself reviewing a few things in his business model and finding himself well able to meet your needs. But only if you put your demands on the table and are serious about making them.
Owl Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Why are you cheating on your husband? Is it worth losing your marriage, your house, your lifestyle, friends, extended family? All for some MM? So it's not his fault. You can't be his number one priority. And honestly, he should NOT be yours. Good luck here..You're in the midst of a mess - Sooner or later you two WILL be busted and then the fallout is going to be happen. I was about to ask these questions as well.
Lucky_One Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Why is it so amazingly hard to talk to someone about emotions and needs, but so easy to take your clothes off?
wildsoul Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 It doesn't matter one bit what others do! All that matters is this: -How much time you have available. -How much time he has available. Comparing your relationship to "industry averages" strikes me as an odd way to measure whether you're happy or not with the amount of time spent together.
herenow Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Be careful about asking for more than he is willing to give you. This is what caused our D-day. The OW wanted more and started to get clingy and demanding. My H, the conflict avoider, got caught. He admitted that he got caught intentionally because he wanted to end the affair and there is no better way than to let your wife know about the OW. Had she not asked for more and just done what he wanted, they may still be having an affair and I may never know. So, just do what he wants when he wants and you should be fine.
OWoman Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Be careful about asking for more than he is willing to give you. This is what caused our D-day. The OW wanted more and started to get clingy and demanding. My H, the conflict avoider, got caught. He admitted that he got caught intentionally because he wanted to end the affair and there is no better way than to let your wife know about the OW. Had she not asked for more and just done what he wanted, they may still be having an affair and I may never know. HN, ther'es a big difference IMO between "asking" for more because an OW is "clingy" and needy, and DEMANDING more because you believe that is what you're worth. If every worker settled for what their boss was willing to pay and never initiated getting a raise, no one would ever get paid more than their starting wage. If you believe you're worth more - by all means put that demand on the table. But then be prepared to back it up - if you don't like what is being offered, walk away from it. So, just do what he wants when he wants and you should be fine. I disagree with this completely! OWs who place the power entirely in teh MM's hands are the ones who're unhappy here. Those who claim the poewr for themselves are not the ones crying in their conrnflakes about how miserable they are with the situation, and how powerless they feel to escape it. Cede your power to ANYONE or ANYTHING and you put your life at risk of running off the rails.
herenow Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 HN, ther'es a big difference IMO between "asking" for more because an OW is "clingy" and needy, and DEMANDING more because you believe that is what you're worth. If every worker settled for what their boss was willing to pay and never initiated getting a raise, no one would ever get paid more than their starting wage. If you believe you're worth more - by all means put that demand on the table. But then be prepared to back it up - if you don't like what is being offered, walk away from it. I disagree with this completely! OWs who place the power entirely in teh MM's hands are the ones who're unhappy here. Those who claim the poewr for themselves are not the ones crying in their conrnflakes about how miserable they are with the situation, and how powerless they feel to escape it. Cede your power to ANYONE or ANYTHING and you put your life at risk of running off the rails. If I asked for a raise, it would be because I felt I should be paid more for doing my job. Asking a MM for more time because an OW feels she deserves it is not quite the same thing IMO. When an OW agrees to be in a relationship with a MM who is still living at home with his wife (who has no idea about the OW) she is going to have to accept that he isn't always going to do what she (the OW) wants him to do in most cases. Just sharing my opinion based on my own experience. But I agree 100% that giving power to a MM (or anyone) puts your life at risk of running off the rails
jj33 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Jeez as others have said all that matters is whether the amount of time you have together is enough for you. It sounds like you may be willing to accept the limited amount of time he has availalble if you are comfortable that you are not "being played" and if its really reasonable to believe that he doesnt have more time and couldnt make more if he wanted to. I would say it depends. When people are motivated (since they are lying anyway about their whereabouts when they are with the OW) they could in most cases squeeze out more time, and when they are motivated may blow off some of their other committments to spend more time with you. But that becomes a lot harder over time. If he has a staff or business partners or a board to whom he is responsible, his W his family, friends social committments community or civic responsibilitlies, he may be able to steal an hour here or there but the bulk of his time is likely to be very busy. The question is whether that is enough for you. Because if he is saying that is all he can give and its NOT enough for you, not having your needs met will tear you up over time.
White Flower Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 How much time do OW get on a weekly basis, on average? However much time I expected to get. Like you, we were about the same time difference by car, so we made arrangements for once or twice per week. Most of the time he drove all the way out to me but sometimes we met halfway. Sometimes I saw him more than twice depending on the event and if we both had time. We spent many times on the phone daily, on IM, and there were countless emails. You decide what is good for you. If he thinks you're worth it he will give you what you want. If he doesn't, then he isn't worth YOUR time!
Dexter Morgan Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Look you are a side fling you cannot make demands on how much time he can give you. exactly!!!!!!!!
Dexter Morgan Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 How much time do OW get on a weekly basis, on average? ask your husband what a fair amount of time you should expect with the OM.....whatever his answer is, I'll more than likely agree with him. get back to me on that one will ya?
Reggie Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 6.273 hours per week, with an additonal .6 per week during full moons and Jewish Holidays. You can round these figures and your mileage may vary.
Author JeezLouise Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 ask your husband what a fair amount of time you should expect with the OM.....whatever his answer is, I'll more than likely agree with him. get back to me on that one will ya? We agreed on basically equal time away from each other. Does that answer your question? Oh - and we don't do Jewish holidays.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 We agreed on basically equal time away from each other. Does that answer your question? Oh - and we don't do Jewish holidays. Your husband agreed to equal time between you and your OM?
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