whytryanymore Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Hey everybody im gonna try to keep this kinda simple so bear with me because im kinda young and really idk i just want to die or go to jail or something. i hope you dont just say its to long and hit the "back" button. its kinda a teen love story so just listen. alright, theres this girl that i met in 8th grade that as soon as i saw her i liked her. we started talking and eventually she got my number and we started texting and calling eachother, literally everyday we would talk to eachother for almost 3 or 4 hours or text eachother the whole day. but she shad a boyfriend, that she's dated twice already. she got so close to me that she even came over to my house after school a few times. i remember i used to think about her everyday, all day and used to come up with stupid reasons to call her, and i would be all depressed and think "what did i do wrong" if she didnt call me or text me. she even had a boyfriend and we used to talk for hours on the phone everyday. my life was so happy i was the best thing ever. but anyways, so summer comes by and she finally broke up with the guy so we're still talking and we said that we should go out when we go into high school. it was a sure thing that i was going to ask her out and we said we never want to lose eachother and that we would be friends until forever. there is so many other things that we said to eachother, like how i spent almost 700$ on a texting bill just over her and that we said we would always be here for eachother. thats how much i cared and she knew that. like how she said she would cry if i ever left her at all. but she left to another country for the rest of the summer, and i was so sure that i was going to ask her out when school started because i felt like we were in love, BUT . Nothing. i talked to her once on myspace, and gave her a hug while walking to class, but nothing. high school was new to me so i was getting used to it. but nothing..... she even visits friends down the street, almost 10 houses down to visit another friend but nothing still. But two weeks after school starts, shes dating another guy. it hurt so much to even look at her anymore, and then i felt like i just want to die. They broke up after about a month, but theyre still friends (of course) but still nothing. so i just saw her everyday dying whenever i saw her. i got so angry and depressed over time that i didnt even try in school anymore, i failed all 6 of my classes and i even starting doing graffiti, breaking into cars just to kinda ease the pain away when i saw that she was having fun and that her life was great when mine was horrible. so one day in march(so from september to march i didnt do anything) i just decided to man up and ask her. she said that i used to mean the world to her and that if i kept doing the things i was doing it would hurt her, because at this point i didnt even feel like living anymore, i had already tried to kill myself once but it didnt work. that was the happiest day in my life to know that she still cared alittle bit and even gave me a hug at school the next day. but that was only one day. after that it went back to the same thing. after a few weeks of nothing i tried to talk to her again and she would answer me simple answers like. "no" "nothing" so she didnt really care anymore. i just remember breaking down as soon as a i got home because i knew then that we couldnt even be friends. i really have nothing to live for anymore, and im already been back to breaking into cars, and ive even stabbed someone. im not afraid to admit it because if i get caught. i would be happier in jail. and if i dont i would be happier dead. because if i cant be with her than theres no point to living anymore. there is so much more things to this "story" but i know i cant tell them all in this one thing so just ask me, because i can almost guarantee you that you wont get alot of it unless you ask me. because i mean, all this happened in about a year. Thanks. ONE MORE THING. i have changed so much from when i started talking to her until now, so i think if i could just get one chance to show her im a better person than i was before. it could make all the difference.
vessv6l Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Don't ruin your own life over 1 girl. She may seem like the greatest thing that was in your life but there will be others if you allow yourself to be open to that possibility. Going on what you have written you have let your feelings of hurt and anger control your decisions and by your actions your not letting yourself learn from this experience and take the positives from it. You have taken a forward step today by posting on this forum to seek advice and hopefully get your life under control. Jail or death should never be an acceptable alternative to whatever problems you face. If you ruin your life beyond repair now you wont get the chance to experience the fulfilling love two people can share. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, bit by bit. Get your life back under your control and focus on trying to be happy by yourself as you are. Quit the reckless behaviour now while your still able to.
t0ri Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Although it may not seem like a bad idea, do not let anyone be worth throwing your life away over! Life is short, and as bad as it hurts now, there will come a day (probably not far away) where you will be healed from this pain. Give yourself the opportunity to get there! I promise you it will happen. And I'm sure you are very aware that acting out in ways like breaking into cars and such does NOT help ease your pain, does it? Seriously, you have to just deal with it. Covering the pain with alcohol, drugs, grafitti, sex, whatever else will only temporarily help things. As lame as this sounds, the human being and heart is very resilient, and you WILL get through this hurt! It feels like the end of the world, but it's not. You have to accept it as life experience, and look forward to what's ahead of you. You're still very young, and have lots ahead of you. It's hard to be positive, but really, it can only get better from the point you're at I'm sure! Don't give up! And show her and YOURSELF that you're strong enough to deal with this and get over it! Because you truly will.
Ayla Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Hello, I can tell that you are hurting a lot, and like T0ri says starting to open up on this forum is a good start. I am guessing you are about 15 or 16, and I am so sorry that you are hurting this much. Are you able to speak or open up to your parents or an Uncle/Aunt or a friends parent about how you are feeling? I really think that you need to do this so that they might be able to help you find a professional to talk to. Professionals are great in providing you with the tools to get through times like this, it also allows you to talk to someone who is not involved in your life in anyway - so they are not biased. As already mentioned above - I am sure you are aware that doing graffiti, hurting people, breaking into other cars - is not only illegal but it is also hurting strangers who do not deserve it. In regards to harming yourself - whilst you might think that it will stop the pain - this is not the case, and ends up hurting the people who love you the most. Because you have tried to hurt yourself this is another reason to see a professional - but you need to be honest with them. I know it seems like the world is ending at the moment, but amost everyone on this forum has had a first love, had their heart broken by them and been able to grow from the experience and when they are ready - find someone else. You have so much infront of you - school, friends, family and in the future a job, a career and although it is hard to believe another love. Just focus on getting to know yourself. Do seek the help of another adult (who you trust) and talk to a professional. You can do this, things will get easier. Please stop all the illegal stuff, and please do not harm yourself again. Keep talking to us on this forum too - there are a lot of wise people who have loads of great advice and experiences. I promise things will get better - you just need to to want it to get better and you need the tools to do it.
Author whytryanymore Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 thank you ayla and everybody else this means so much to me, im 15 and really i dont have any1 else to talk to without them saying "just get over it already". ive met alot more other people but i dont know, just something about her just makes me never want to leave. if you knew me in real life you wouldnt expect me to be doing the things i am doing. i was always the one to be the funny guy. but not anymore, everyone tell me that i look sad all the time. i just tell them that i dont have anything to smile about anymore.
Ayla Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Hello again, Most countries have a hotline for under 18 year olds to call to be able to talk to someone. This might be a good step given that you do not have an adult around who you feel comfortable with. I really think this might be a good idea. Ok??? Can you call them for me? At the moment you are feeling sad, but you can get through this. When people tell you to "get over it" they are just trying to tell you in a way that they think is best. I bet they do not know what you have been up to with your illegal activities...just another thought-there are also school counsellors...try them. There are many people on this site who are hurting from a breakup, some who have lost everything, some who have Bern abused (physically or emotionally) and they are slowly getting through the pain-and so can you. Can you call that hotline or see the school counsellor for me??
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