desertdonkey Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Hello Everyone English is not my native language and I'll try my best to convey my message and feelings to the best possible extent but if I'm ambiguous on anything please let me know. Some Notes: 1. I'm 29 and shes 23. 2. Both of us have no dating history prior whatsoever. Both of us are most likely destined to get an arranged marriage and it will be soon (maybe less than a year).We are from the Indian Subcontinent and that is how it works here. I'm meaning most people get arranged marriages. 3. We are friends from 3 years or so on and off and have common friends. Teasing has been on and off by our friends. Over the last few months, we've become extremely close. She has revealed things which she didn’t ever and so have I. Some of them not even with my best pals for many years and there is an attraction goin on between us. She has never hinted about a relationship and it is very clear she is very comfortable with me and likes me. I've even helped her do her assignment which is something I've not done before. Why I say this is she constantly detests people who make friends just to use them so I'm taking that as a positive sing. She has agreed that people are talking about us. I once said maybe I do have something but it is none of others business to know about it. I on the other hand have made more than subtle hints that I like her. We've been chatting for not less than 5-6 hrs a day from almost 6 weeks. She is a student and I'm a businessman and we are in two different countries. But she is going back home for good in like 20 days and is under immense pressure to look for a suitor. Both of us are from the same city, her parents and my parents have lot of respect in the society and at least 50% of their friends are common to my parents. We are from the same social class as well. Another important thing is I go to my home city very frequently...Once a month or even twice if the need arises. She has a liking for my mom and has met her 2-3 times before and came home as well. Since she is going back to home and has told me that she is not ready (needs a little time. It is not aimed at not being ready for me but in general marriage. She wants to go back home...chill...Lose some weight and then get married) but is more going to be forced to get married; I've really started to think about this from the last few days. I feel I should tell her that I really like her and want to take this to the next level if she feels the same way too. If she is fine with it, we'll ask our parents to talk to each other and take it from there on. She keeps wishing me the best for finding the right wife and I haven't said anything like that to her. I know exactly what she wants in a marriage and what she likes/dislikes. I'm ok with all of them and they are very simple requirements. Likewise she knows mine and says that I'm a real simple guy and am not asking for much. Both of us have been motivating each other every day from the last six weeks and it is helping the both of us. Now I'm not sure how to go about asking her for a date. I need to put this in a very light and effective way and not hurt our friendship badly. Surely if she says no and not interested it will get affected but I don’t want it to be damning. She has said that we should meet in our home city on and off. Recently she went on to say that I have to come (friendly way) and meet in June. The thing is she is not the dating kind (because of society...Can spark rumors u know and then might hurt chances of an arranged marriage later) and goes out with groups of friends. She has said love hasn’t happened and it is only obvious that she will get an arranged marriage. I’ve told her I’ll take her to some eateries which more seemed like a nod….for e.g. yeah we should go. But it is not something I can say I have got a date. A date means an opportunity for both to understand the each other better and trying to see if it is going to work out romantically right? I’ve gone out with friends (girls) before but never asked anyone out and it was just chit chatter u know. I've been linked to her friend before but she knows that its was for fun and nothing else and I've explained the whole deal to her as well. It started out the same way with her but I like her and I can see a long way of us together and want it to happen badly. I need cues and tips on how I should go ask her for the date in a nice, soft and calm manner and not act desperate. I don’t want it to be forced or say please or beg. The first step is asking her on a date and the last step will be the date of course where I’m going to tell her all about it. Any advice is greatly appreciated Thanks
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