Tired of the games! Continue NO CONTACT or CALL? ISLAND GIRL, Anyone!

[James416]

Hello Everyone. This is my 1st post & I just wanted to say that the views out here are inspirational & really helping me to see different opinions. However, after reading Souldbears previous post about no contact & Island Girl respected player insight - I 'm still confused what to do. I wonder if the NC rule is really working to make my ex miss me or just forget about me.

 

I was seeing this younger girl (22). I'm 32 for almost 6 months. She got a lot of attention becuase of her work (popular model). I got her by being the chase and eventually landed up sleeping with her all the time until she felt that I was "whipped". When I realized this was true I told her I needed time to focus on myself my new business.

 

This happened on her Birthday because I didn't feel appreciated by her & because she told me how the ex “coke head boyfriend” had been calling her as well. I made plans for her during the day & didn't see her until dinner because she “slept” for most of the day. I suspect she was burnt out from partying with the ex the night before. I cut off all contact with her right for a week. When I did see her I told her that the reason I have distanced myself is that I suspect she has a drug problem & that I believed that she is better than that. I let her know that I would always be there for her if she needed help & that I cared about her - but I couldn't ever allow myself to get close to someone with an addiction problem like my ex. She became pissed off and explains that she is messed up because of problems at home & how her mom didn’t even remember her BDay.

 

I continue to ignore her calls & answer my phone only when I'm partying with the boys or hanging out with female friends. A few weeks go by & she asked to see me before I went on a business trip. I brought her over to my house & tried to sleep with her after a few drinks. She rejected me & I said things to hurt her feelings. This was only time I have ever seen her break down & cry. I called back the next day to apologize & she said that already forgave me because of the drinking & that wasn’t really in my character.

 

I saw her when I came back (but not right away) & she told me how she is seeing someone who “looks like me”. She added that she was confused by his lack of interest in her now after wanting her as a girlfriend badly in the beginning. I asked her if she slept with him & she said no. I was so hurt by her bringing this out even though I played it off & said maybe he would be interested if she slept with him.

 

She only called me later on that night to tell me how she bought some shoes on sale & has only send text messages since. 2 weeks ago she text “how it’s going & r u enjoying the weather?” I ignored it completely. A week later I get a msn asking me if I were in the country & saying how she saw my recent facebook picts of my new place & female facebook friends. She also asked why I haven't returned her text. I told her I have been busy with my recent moving & business. She asked me if I were alone (at 2:00Am)? I log off after 10 minutes without & even saying bye. Last week she sent me a facebook message to say “whats up sexy” and I still haven't responded. However, I noticed that she added one of my closest male buddies on her friendslist.

 

I miss her big time. We use to talk on the phone 3X a day & see each other 4 X a week. I have never been the type to chase her & do the same things that the other guys including her exes were doing. I got her by placing value on myself and being the chase. We always had fun & tried new things constantly.

 

I wonder if the no contact rule is working to make her miss me or just forget about me. Should I continue to wait for her to actually call me on the phone to see me, or just forget about her & not be one of her ex boyfriends she keeps in contact with just for her drama fixes?

[Ayla]

Hi,

 

I am guessing that you are really having trouble today cos you have posted this twice - firstly, you will be ok.

 

Secondly I think most people on this site with experience will say that no contact is not to influence the ex into missing you, it is time for you to heal. NC is where ther eis no phone call, sms, FB, Myspace, email or anything.

 

I think your girlfriend is very young and I guess being in the model world does not really encourage maturity. It sounds as though she does not really know what she wants. Just to clarify - you chased her until she had you whipped? Does that mean had you in her control?

 

I think that for the moment, you have told her why you need space. She has already started dating someone else. I think you should maintain NC and work on yourself. Hang out with your mates (both male and female), read a book, work etc etc. I wouldn't spearate what you do with male mates and female mates...unless you are something more with them. You can still answer calls when you are with female friends - you have nothing to hide right?

 

You can do this - stay strong, she needs to work it out for herself, and in the mean time you can find yourself again. If you are meant to be together, you will be.

 

Take care

[quankanne]

time for some tough love, big boy: What do you want? Honestly? To play head games? To get over her? To get back with her?

 

because it sounds like me this "attempt" at NC is a mere head game you're playing. If you're serious, you'd remove her from your approved contacts list, you'd block her number/calls/texts, etc. At which point, it sounds like you're looking to play games.

 

if you want her, then by golly, swallow your pride, start dating her again and be prepared for whatever may come.

 

don't waste your time – or hers – by saying you're going to go no contact but you still keep all avenues open just so you can torture yourself by getting messages from her.

[See_ya_on_the_flip]

One vote for NC!

 

It works!

 

Peace

[mrtrinidad]

I guess I needed to hear this "tough love" for real. My intellect agrees with you guys in that NC will allow me time to heal and "move on", whereas my emotions tell me to call her. I guess thats what makes following this rule so tough. The time away from her has made me realize just how much of myself I gave into that relationship & thats not healthy unless the compassion was reciprocated in the same way it used to be.

 

Yes, it is true that I was hoping that NC would allow me to become "me" again, while she may miss me to the point of finding me attractive again. I guess the whole problem I have is that I don't want to be placed in her friend zone (as a boyfriend backup), while she dates someone else. That is in her pattern of keeping exes around. What makes my situation hard for me to deal with is that no one actually called it off. Right now I'm reading the Art of Seduction to learn where I may have messed up & work on preventing this from happening to me again.

[Template]

That's the thing about NC. Is it not a game. It wasn't meant to be ez. When done right, and for the right purpose provides a person with a clear introspective look into themselves, and allow yourself to heal and more importantly, GROW. There is no "game" if you choose not to play it. She may be playing games, and that's fine, let her play her games. You say she's a model, and with all models, she just wants ATTENTION. Pure and simple. They crave it. She doesn't care who she gets it from, as long as she gets it, you or otherwise. Long story short. If are going to commit to NC, do it all the way. If not, then don't be surprised if things don't go your way.