now_what Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 I've posted before about my husband leaving me after 30 years for a biker chick he claims he had known for two months. Anyhow, they have apparently gotten married - I saw where they took out a marriage license 14 days after our dissolution was final - a whole seven months has passed between him leaving me and marrying his girlfriend. He has never even mentioned this woman to our kids and now she is their stepmother. Unbelievable. My 16 year old daughter has two big musical performances with her ensemble at school this weekend and my ex will be there - and I would bet money on it that the "wife" will be there too. I will be there both nights with my older daughter tomorrow night and other members of my family on Saturday. I just don't know what I will do if I run into them there - I certainly don't want to see her and I feel funny about other people at the concert seeing my ex with someone else - most people probably don't know that we're divorced. I want to be able to enjoy the show but I will be very anxious about running into them. Any and all advice on how to handle this situation will be appreciated.
1bee Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 if running into those classless two is inevitable, remain calm, collected, and dignified even if you don't feel it. you are there for your daughter. nothing else matters. the ex and his whatever do not matter anymore. showing that you're upset or dreading that you'll run into them will make the situation much worse or even give them something to talk about. handle it with pride and dignity. show and set the example for everyone who knows you that you are a better person and a class act.
quankanne Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 kill 'em with kindness. Be polite, socially friendly, kind ... so that if they show their rears or act churlish, THEY are the ones who make themselves look bad, not you. it's taking the high road AND it's helping set the tone for future meetings. Because like I said, if they show their rears, THEY look bad, not you. and that kind of "getting even" is priceless
Author now_what Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 They (ex and probably new wife) were at the concert tonight - which by the way was absolutely awesome. I did not see them , but my ex talked to our daughter and at last introduced his "woman". He gave our daughter a necklace and said he got it in the Bahamas. He did not introduce "the new woman" as his wife. But maybe this is a breakthrough - maybe no more sneaking around. My daughter seemed very happy that her dad had done this - so for that I am grateful. My daughter's friend gave me a laugh though, she said my ex's wife/girlfriend whatever, was short and skinny with an ugly face. I just love those honest types.
Montclair0011 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Now What - Good for you! You made it through and handled it well. I've been reading your posts and think your husband is a major jerk. I can also relate because my husband also ran off with another woman and humiliated me. It's been three years+ of mostly hell for me, but I'm finally realizing how toxic our relationship was for me. If I could just get back on my feet financially, and maybe meet someone new, I would be so happy that he left. But I am no longer waiting around for him to return and sometimes dread just having to talk to him (which I must because of the child). Hopefully you too will move on and maybe things will end up waaaaaaay better for you. I hope so as you deserve so much more! Eventually you won't care if he's with that idiot biker chick. But it will take time. Take care of yourself.
Author now_what Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Hi Montclair - Sorry it happened to you too. Mine did not humiliate me, but he did leave all our friends and family just shaking their heads at his behavior. I have no interest at the moment in dating, but eventually might like to meet someone with whom I share common interests - my ex claimed we didn't have any - which I guess is true since his only interest is his motorcycle and "riding". Have you ever tried meeting someone through online dating services? My sister has been divorced for almost a year and has had a lot of luck with match.com. She has met and dated some rather well off guys. Also, my brother met his wife through eharmony and they are well suited for each other and very happy. I might look into that when I am ready - I'll just have to figure out what kind of person I am looking for - one thing I know I'm not looking for is anyone who has a motorcycle or even sat on one lol. Take care of yourself too!
Montclair0011 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 LOL - I don't go for the motorcycle sporting fellows either. I had one when I was 24, and that was enough for a lifetime. Yeah, I've been doing on-line dating with varied results. I would encorage you to try it--no matter what I say. It's the BEST way to meet guys, although sometimes painful. The first time I tried it I met some nice guys and then someone I fell for really hard. Unfortunately he was only separated from his wife and eventually went back so that was the end of that. I'm still in morning over that one. That's how I ended up on Love Shack. So, I'm back to on-line dating and the second time around it's not so great. I'm over 50 and most guys want to date younger women. I am in decent shape and look younger than my age, but I get almost zero response to my profile and 9 out of 10 guys reject me when I send them emails. I'm not sure what I can do to increase my chances but I'm going to get some new pictures and rewrite my profile soon (although I think it's more the pictures than the profile). BUT--it only takes ONE and I have met a few guys (and supposedly I'm going out on a date tomorrow!) You might also try Meetup.com which is free and not just for dating. It might be a good way to start to get back in to socializing. Good luck with your new life!
Author now_what Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 I will probably try to eventually meet some people online and date - but not right now. I do have a friend I chat with online quite a bit and if we lived closer we probably would go out - he is 37 - I am 50 but like younger men. We have the same profession and similar interests and are quite a bit alike personality wise and he has been a great listener over the past months, always sympathetic and encouraging.
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