drummerprince81 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 [sIZE=1]I was with my ex-girlfriend for 22 months. She was my first love, and I was hers. We've been apart for 10 weeks now, and I still think its early days. Early days in the sense that I know its going to be months and months and months before I get over her. I'm having immense trouble because I cannot let her go, and its starting to make me ill. She is the girl of my dreams. She always used to tell me that I made her the happiest she had ever been in her life, and just wanted to be with me every second. I'm hanging on to these words, despite the way she has been in the last 2 months. When she broke up with me she said "people change" but I don't think so. Not that quick. All I want is a second chance, but she didn't give me one and I find it so sad because I made her so happy at times she cried. We never had any major fights, or arguments, and I just believe I deserve one. Doesn't everybody deserve a second chance? I'm just looking for some advice really. I read something Soul Bear said that you should follow your heart, then your head then other people's advice. My problem is that I'm forever searching and seeking for other people to make my mind up for me. I've listened to friends and family, and advice from LS and have always gone against my heart. I truly believe I missed my chances of a second chance by some of the things I've done, and haven't done because of this. I think I've been a coward by not facing up to the truth. But here I am again, I kinda need some advice. I feel like today or tomorrow is the last day for me to try anything, to win her back or at least make ground for future reconcilation. I haven't seen her physically in 70 days now, but there has been contact - nothing hopeful. She broke up with me 9 weeks ago tomorrow. I believe she ended things really quickly, and has made a big mistake. I've had time now to practically remember everything she ever said and did since I've given my relationship the most thorough post mortem. Only a month before she broke up with me, she was looking at houses for us, she'd booked her annual leave in work so we could go on holidays this summer and was very excited, and things just seemed normal. But at the start of February, I told her about an opportunity for us to buy a house that came about through my family, an offer nobody could turn down. She instantly got cold feet because she wasn't ready, despite talking about how she couldn't wait for us to have our own place (we both lived with our parents) on a weekly basis, and even only a couple of days before!!! It really hurt my feelings, and I wish I'd never brought it up. It was funny between us then for a week but we never argued or anything like that, there was just a bit of atmosphere between us, and then we talked about it and made up I guess. Valentines Day came along, and she said she didn't want to make a big deal of it, so we didn't but it wasn't the best day we'd ever spent together. I didn't really do anything romantic for her, because she told me not to, but of course girls always mean the opposite of what they say!!! Her 21st birthday was a month away, and we'd been working together to plan the arrangements. As far as I was concerned, I was always going to be there for her on the day. Everything was normal, we just had a few hiccups with the house discussion, Valentines Day and something else but that was small. In our penultimate week together we were out in town, having a good time and on the way home, I stopped to kiss her really passionately. She was blown away, and said I love you so much. It never seemed like a break up was on the cards. In our last week together, I said a few things that I think hurt her feelings, and I've come to the conclusion that it has to do with these. They are really really silly things, but nothing else makes sense. She didn't mention these things when breaking up but everything she did say was the opposite of everything she ever said to me. After this particular night, she was never the same. I just feel like there is something missing and strange about the break up, that can easily be fixed but she won't meet me. I haven't called her once. Its been almost 9 whole weeks since it happened. We met up 3 days after breaking up, and I managed to turn things around and we were back together. The next day she was confused again, and she hasn't made any effort to contact me since. I believe there were other people, and reasons behind her actions. I didn't send her a birthday card then which I really really regret, although I did send a text wishing her the best. I had actually sent her a scrapbook of all memories, which was going to be a birthday present, about 2 weeks after the break, hoping she'd realise how good we had things. She didn't. I want to do something to prove how much she means to me, whether its going to her house or meeting her after work. I know that its probably best to leave things be, but I just feel like I can't. Does anybody think its just worthwhile trying to force a meeting, whether its to find the out the truth, win her back or at least stand myself in good stead by wishing her all the best? I was going to buy her some flowers too, and I've written another letter but just feel like I need to do it. But I really don't want to get hurt, or regret not doing it. Its so hard to choose. [/sIZE]
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