looking23 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Ok so ill try and keep this short.. About a year ago.. thers a new girl that starts at my work.. shes cute, I don’t really think anything of it. Im nice to her and shes nice to me.. I help her whenever I can. Again I think nothing of it. So a couple of months goes by..she tries to get my attention..always says hi..we get along real well..again not thinkin much of it… so another few weeks and we start spending more time together..she comes around to see me.. we go for drinks..we laugh just click..i kinda feel like something’s there..i start thinkin bout her at the end of the day.. and find myself with a smirk when I think about her. I ask her out..we have fun end up holding hands holding each other real close..at the end I take her home she leaned in n just give a small kiss.. just a peck..nothing crazy.. As time passes we start to get a lil closer.. start eating together.. just having fun. Never ending conversation.. laughing till our cheeks hurt.. we go out again, have a blast together.. win her a few gifts.. again I take her home..i don’t try anything cuz..im really starting to like her.. so I don’t want to rush anything.. A little time passes and she tells me shes heading out of state.. so we go out to be4 she leaves..again everything clicks..im feelin like to kiss her. so I lean in start to kiss her..we pause look at each other and she leans back for a little more.. again it wasn’t crazy.. just passionate.. so I say bye have a safe trip yadda..yadda..yadda.. She gets back into town.. and I want to see her be4 I leave town.. but she says she can’t and I just figure we’ll do something when I get back..so I get back ask her again.. again.. she can’t shes busy.. so I figure man im having bad luck..so figuring im not going to strike out if I ask her again..so I do and ask her whats up..did I do something? .. she says well talk later.. So ok.. im confused and want to kno whats going on..so I stop by her place and get a chance to talk.. Shes pretty close to tears and tells me.. someone hurt her physically…like not of her own will..and it was her first time…. Im kinda shocked and tell her how great she is and how she makes me light up..how shes not damaged or broken..that it doesn’t bother me and I still want to see her..and that I respect her and would not push her to do anything..how she’s special.. But I’m left with these feelings 1.I feel hurt that someone I started to care about was hurt by someone else..and It feels personal..like I could have done something but i kno theres nothing I can do about it it just hurts. 2.I can’t stop thinkin about her. Whenever I hear her voice it gives me goosebumps(good ones). I can’t wait to see her every day. I can’t wait to see her smile..hear her laugh.. 3.I’ve been out with other girls after all this and none of them seem to come close to making me feel what I do when im with her.. So I’m kinda at a loss..dont kno what to do..im usually pretty good at following my gut.. but now it seems like it’s tearing me apart. I feel like one side I don’t want to tell her how I feel.. because it will make things more complicated..and I don’t want to do that to her..and the other side of me wants to tell her how I feel..and treat her like she deserves.. Now I’m just being cool about everything..we went out for dinner..bought her flowers for her bday..Trying to swallow my words and trying to make sure she is happy.. But I still want to let her kno how I feel and I want to be with her..being intimate is like the last thing on my mind.. Im not looking for someone to tell me exactly what to do..But what would you do? If your still reading I applause you.. your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.. Thank You..
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Well, if you're in love with the girl, I'd say you're going to have to just pace yourself and let the sex happen later than you might be used to. I'm assuming by the cryptic thing you wrote that she was raped/molested before you guys got together and the physical closeness you guys have been experiencing kind of scared her. Just be there for her. If she wants to talk about it, she will. This is the kind of thing that's going to take a lot of reassurance on your part that you're there for her and the sex is not important. Has she been in counseling for this at all? It's estimated that 1 in 6 women will experience some form of sexual assault in their lifetime. That's really high. I have been very fortunate, and so do not understand exactly where this girl is coming from. Hopefully somebody on this board can give better advice on how to support her best.
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