dressing up Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I believe people are free to be out with others until exclusivity is discussed and agreed upon. But I would like to know the general's opinion. Would you go out with someone who is currently dating other people as well? Would you join in the "competition" in the hope of being the last one standing or bow out of it? Why? I've known of people who date and then drop the guys/girls like a bomb once they know that they have been going out with others at the same time as well.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Some people can multi-date, some can't. I personally don't like it. But I live in a relatively small rural community and there just aren't the opportunities to amass a large number of dating prospects. So it works out well for me. I've never dated a guy that was also dating other women (well, with the exception of my ex-husband ). That's just been the way it has worked out. Beyond like the 3rd date, if the guy can't decide if I'm worth some one-on-one without "competition" in the wings, I've lost interest.
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 There are some that advocate an open policy - they make sure all candidates know that they are dating others. Not me. I think until exclusivity is established, it should be assumed that they are dating others. That said, if they ask, you should be honest.
Author dressing up Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 I understand it's not too palatable. It kind of gives the multi-dated some kind of power that also puts you on your toes as you hope to win the "competition." Beyond like the 3rd date, if the guy can't decide if I'm worth some one-on-one without "competition" in the wings, I've lost interest. You'll be okay giving it up even if you really fancy the guy?
Trialbyfire Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I'm an advocate of open policy where I've always disclosed, if I was multi-dating. In retrospect, this was because I wasn't all that interested in getting into a relationship, therefore, it never mattered to me if they were multi-dating either. So, to answer your question, I never viewed it as a competition because it wasn't about winning or losing, just having fun with good company. If it ever felt like a competition, I'd bolt. This kind of thread reminds me of why I'm glad to be out of the meat market!
Author dressing up Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 I'm an advocate of open policy where I've always disclosed, if I was multi-dating. In retrospect, this was because I wasn't all that interested in getting into a relationship, therefore, it never mattered to me if they were multi-dating either. So, to answer your question, I never viewed it as a competition because it wasn't about winning or losing, just having fun with good company. If it ever felt like a competition, I'd bolt. This kind of thread reminds me of why I'm glad to be out of the meat market! That's a good attitude to have but one that's possible only probably because you're not that interested in getting into a relationship.
Isolde Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 For the first couple dates, I don't care to ask. After that, I'd prefer to know.
Author dressing up Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 For the first couple dates, I don't care to ask. After that, I'd prefer to know. After knowing they are also going out with others, would you stay or bolt?
burningashes Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I would prefer to know whether they were seeing other people, usually when I'm seriously considering making some sort of commitment in starting a relationship with them after a few dates. As well, I'm honest when I multi date, I tell the people they're not the only ones I'm hanging out with. Even if both of us weren't multidating, there were still the potential of that happening. So what my boyfriend did before we were exclusive, he didn't like the idea of me seeing other people (even though I wasn't) but still wanted to keep it casual between us. He asked me if I was seeing anyone else and I was honest with him- I said no, that I wasn't planning on to, but if I was going to, I would tell him. This conversation led to us both entering a mutual agreement on not seeing other people and continue seeing each other casually, becaused we wanted to invest more in the budding relationship between us. It's really all about choice- to multi date or not, whether to inform the other person that you are or not, so on. It depends on what outcome you're aiming for.
Author dressing up Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 Then how many of you would still go on a first date after already knowing that they're multi-dating? Any dealbreakers?
Trialbyfire Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 That's a good attitude to have but one that's possible only probably because you're not that interested in getting into a relationship.True. When I'm in relationship mode, I expect the man to feel the same, one to one. I've only once asked for exclusivity from a man. While he accepted, to this day, I still feel I shouldn't have bothered, since the entire fiasco was an exercise in frustration. I think that's why with my fiance, when he made all the right moves, at the right time, including not multi-dating and then asking for exclusivity really quickly, it's flowed so smoothly. It's easy to trust someone who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go get it.
Isolde Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 After knowing they are also going out with others, would you stay or bolt? After a couple dates? Hmm, hard to say. It depends on how much I liked him as well as how interested I felt he was/how likely to request exclusivity with me. While I don't have a problem with multi-dating, I don't really see myself doing it myself, and I wouldn't be interested in being "strung along" for any significant length of time.
era Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I'm not sure if I'd call it a "competition". I don't multi-date, it's just not my style...however if he's someone new in my life, I don't care if he's dating other women. Really, I don't. It's like you said : I believe people are free to be out with others until exclusivity is discussed and agreed upon.
Author dressing up Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 I'm not sure if I'd call it a "competition". I don't multi-date, it's just not my style...however if he's someone new in my life, I don't care if he's dating other women. Really, I don't. It's like you said : While I agree on people's right to choose, I dislike the thought of me being compared to others. It's probably how the meat market is and I just have to start getting used to it.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Then how many of you would still go on a first date after already knowing that they're multi-dating? Any dealbreakers? I don't think they would come out right and say they're dating someone else. That's a big risk. On another note, how would one actually go about asking about whether the guy is actually multidating? I know I wouldn't say anything unless I was asked.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 You'll be okay giving it up even if you really fancy the guy? Yes. Why make the guy my priority if I'm only his option? That's a good way to get hurt. I do not multi-date, and so the guy I decide to continue to see after the 3rd date IS the only guy I'm seeing. But I'd make it clear to him that I wasn't dating anyone else and would only be interested in continuing to see him if he were doing the same - I'm not wasting my time with someone that's just out there "having fun." But then - I actually am interested in a relationship. I'm nearly 30. I know what I want. I never have been into casual dating, anyway. It bores me.
tinklebell Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Then how many of you would still go on a first date after already knowing that they're multi-dating? Any dealbreakers? I wouldn't go on the first date if I know they're multi-dating. Why put myself through it?
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